By Beauty Damned

Blinking & Mumbling

This life is just not allowing room for blogging lately! Damnit. Will things ever be the way they were...?

Went to Albany, New York for my first time ever this weeked with Rob and some other people (for a Heelys event that took place at a River Rats hockey game). We stayed in a hotel and all that. Rob has been really sick though and now I'm coming down with it. Had a great weekend, but have to admit that I've been feeling exhausted. Got up and went to my Kaplan class on Saturday morning before heading off to Albany. Busy busy the whole weekend. I would have a lot more to say about it if I wasn't on the brink of falling asleep.

We arrived home tonight just in time to see one more incredibly boring Oscars ceremony. If it wasn't for Chris Rock the whole thing would have been a wash. It was like torture seeing Beyonce performing every single song. Rob turned to me at one point and asked "what, did the Oscars rent her out for the night?" It really was getting ridiculous. She sang that beautiful French song which should have been sang by someone who speaks that language because her enunciation was almost clinical, despite her voice having an impressive range. It was not a surprise that people were falling asleep throughout the night. I was.

I must rest now so that I can try to keep this sickness at bay. I've already downed echinacea, golden seal, centrum and one tylenol. So hopefully I'll be functional tomorrow and not struck nearly as hard as Rob was. Too much to do this week. Though I guess if I got sick I could stay home and study math and that wouldn't be so terrible. I am becoming progressively more retarded as I ramble on. Time to say night night. Hope to be seeing more of you in the coming week.

Other than being busy, life has been lovely! Wishing everyone the same...

..ZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz...

We'll Remember You

My friend forwarded me these obituaries today that were written for Hunter S. Thompson by those who knew him better than most.

The first was written by Ralph Steadman, who illustrated Hunter S. Thompson's books.

As his creative collaborator and friend, Ralph Steadman remembers the author Hunter S Thompson, who has shot himself at the age of 67 Published : 22 February 2005

Hunter said these words to me many years ago: "I would feel real trapped in this life if I didn't know I could commit suicide at any time." I knew he meant it. It wasn't a case of if, but when. He didn't reckon he would make it beyond 30 anyway, so he lived it all in the fast lane. There was no first, second, third and top gear in the car - just overdrive.

He was in a hurry. "Drive your stake into a darkened heart in a red Mercedes-Benz. The blackness hides a speeding tramp. The savage breast pretends. But never mind the nights, my love, because they never really happened anyway."

So we wrote in a Beverly Hills house one drunken night. I wrote the stanzas, he wrote the chorus. "Don't write, Ralph," he said, "you'll bring shame on your family." "Those Weird and Twisted Nights." That was the song.

On Sunday morning, I had just finished signing the 1,200 title pages for a limited-edition Taschen version of The Curse of LONO, which Hunter had signed so uncharacteristically - obedient and mechanical - over the month of December. I thought that was very strange. He has to be cajoled like a child to do anything like that, so I drew his portrait across the last sheet, glaring out, his two eyes in the two Os of LONO, put the cigarette holder with long Dunhill prodding upwards in his grimacing mouth, signed it with an extra flourish and closed the last of the four boxes. The old bastard! He waited to make sure I had finished the task. Then he signed himself off.

I knew it was too good to be true. Now I will be expected to build the monstrous cannon in Woody Creek, a 100ft-high column of steel tubes, with the big red fist on its top and his ashes placed in a fire bomb in its palm.

"Two thumbs, Ralph! Don't forget the two thumbs!!" It was the Gonzo fist and he really believes I can do it! Such were his demands as he tipped at his windmills. People were fucking with his beloved Constitution and he was born to banish the geeks who were doing it. In that way he was a real live American. A pioneer, frontiersman, last of the cowboys, even a conservative redneck with a huge and raging mind, taking the easy way out and mythologising himself at the same time.

The rest continues in the spirit of good natured honesty that only a person's best friend could describe them with and ends in Hunter's own immortal words.

The second obituary is written by Tom Wolfe (Electric Kool-Aid Acid Test) and shared Ralph Steadman's reverence for Hunter S. Thompson's legacy. I love this story that Wolfe tells:

The next time I saw Hunter was in June of 1976 at the Aspen Design Conference in Aspen, Colo. By now Hunter had bought a large farm near Aspen where he seemed to raise mainly vicious dogs and deadly weapons, such as the .357 magnum. He publicized them constantly as a warning to those, Hell's Angels presumably, who had been sending him death threats. I invited him to dinner at a swell restaurant in Aspen and a performance at the Big Tent, where the conference was held. My soon-to-be wife, Sheila, and I gave the waitress our dinner orders. Hunter ordered two banana daiquiris and two banana splits. Once he had finished them off, he summoned the waitress, looped his forefinger in the air and said, "Do it again." Without a moment's hesitation he downed his third and fourth banana daiquiris and his third and fourth banana splits, and departed with a glass of Wild Turkey bourbon in his hand.

When we reached the tent, the flap-keepers refused to let him enter with the whiskey. A loud argument broke out. I whispered to Hunter. "Just give me the glass and I'll hold under my jacket and give it back to you inside." That didn't interest him in the slightest. What I failed to realize was that it was not about getting into the tent or drinking whiskey. It was the grand finale of an event, a happening aimed at turning the conventional order of things upside down. By and by we were all ejected from the premises, and Hunter couldn't have been happier. The curtain came down for the evening.

In Hunter's scheme of things, there were curtains .. . and there were curtains. In the summer of 1988 I happened to be at the Edinburgh Festival in Scotland one afternoon when an agitated but otherwise dignified, silver-haired old Scotsman came up to me and said, "I understand you're a friend of the American writer Hunter Thompson."

I said yes.

"By God--your Mr. Thompson is supposed to deliver a lecture at the Festival this evening--and I've just received a telephone call from him saying he's in Kennedy Airport and has run into an old friend. What's wrong with this man? He's run into an old friend? There's no possible way he can get here by this evening!"

"Sir," I said, "when you book Hunter Thompson for a lecture, you have to realize it's not actually going to be a lecture. It's an event--and I'm afraid you've just had yours."

What an excellent human being. Can you imagine eating four banana splits and drinking four banana daquiris all in one sitting! (I could go for one and one right now though! yum. The guy had good taste.) He's a hero. I felt a little misty eyed after I read these tributes. I have to read Curse of Lono now because Alexa wants it back, understandably, to read again. I'm looking forward to jumping into it.

Slice of News?

I picked up a newspaper today for my first time in weeks. Weeks I tell you. I'm sure I've been missing out on all kinds of disturbing news. News is rarely good you know? These reporters aren't out there looking for the most positive aspects of life (unless they're working for People Magazine a/k/a Asskisser's Digest). Maybe I have been subconsciously incapable of coping with the news lately and I've just been giving myself a little break. It's a good thing.

The cover story of AM NY today was about the shortage of air traffic controllers in the U.S. and the startling rise in "close calls" between aircrafts in flight. There were 24 "close calls" reported in all of 2004. In 2005 alone, there have already been 19 reported. The article went on to make me feel deeply uneasy about flying as my mind tried to focus on calculating the apparently elevated odds of dying in a plane crash. The reason given in the article was basically that being an air traffic controller is a job that requires very special training and competency and that 500 retired in 2004, and a measly 13 were hired to replace that 500. In addition, 3,000 more are set to retire in October of this year. According to the article in AM NY, more than half of the nation's 15,000 air traffic controllers could retire by 2010. If they are not adequately replaced, we're all going to die. Or at least that's what the little alarmist in me screamed at the top of her lungs while I read. According to another article, the Federal Aviation Administration has cut back on overtime, leaving air traffic understaffed and prone to fuckups. Hmm. I sure hope this gets resolved.

So that freaked me out. And it was only the front page! Other things that raised my eyebrows in the news today:

The Boro of Queens, New York, has scared away Wal-Mart! Yay. WM has opted not to open a store there after extensive negotiations with city counsel basically ended in Wal-Mart getting kicked to the curb. People in Queens made it pretty clear that Wal-Mart, their scandalous labor practices, crushing of the local small business economy and all that worthless crap they're peddling is not welcome. So they'll have to find another place to roost. Hopefully it won't be anywhere in NYC. The burbs can have it.

The Supreme Court has ruled that the State of California is not permitted to arbitrarily segregate prison inmates, overturning a lower court ruling. I have to say that I agree that it's wrong to segregate inmates and that there is no truly justifiable reason to separate people solely based on their different skin color. I found that to be a noteworthy development.

One bit that jumped out at me was the teensy little box containing a blurb titled "Bush's Uncle Made Profit Off Iraq War." It goes on to explain that Bush's uncle made more than $450,000 by selling stock in a defense contractor whose profits have gone through the roof since the war in Iraq. And all these sneering republicans balk at the suggestion that this war was waged in the interest of Bush himself and those individuals and corporations directly encircling him....balk away fuckers. In the end there's only one way to find out the true purpose behind our invasion and occupation of Iraq: Follow the money.

Yikes.

So Rob convinced me to get Tivo. Got so swept up in his hype that we went right down to TWC and exchanged our regular old cable box for the new DTV box. Boy was he ever right. It's amazing. You can fastforward through commercials! Did ya'll know that? I've heard people rave about their Tivo, but I've never paid much mind. It's rad. That's all I have to say about it.

We just got finished watching "House of a Thousand Corpses," that Rob Zombie flick that I never got around to seeing until now. (God, am I behind the times or what? Hadn't discovered the wonders of DTV, hadn't seen Rob Zombie's gory horror flick...totally out of it.)

If you have not seen that movie, and ONLY if you like horror flicks, you should see it. It's relentlessly, mercilessly fucking disturbing. Worse than most other things. As someone who has read far more than my fair share of true crime and serial killer literature, I found this movie illustrated some images that have already swirled around in my own nightmares as a result of all the warped shit I read about. I don't know if I needed to see it brought to life, but I was riveted, that's for sure. There are some serious cringer scenes that make you want to crawl inside of yourself and shield your eyes and ears and it gets progressively more and more twisted with each new scene. I thought it made the new Chainsaw Massacre look like a pony ride.

Any horror connoisseurs out there who have an opinion on A Thousand Corpses? Because I think I want my mommy...

Rest in Peace You Fantastic Fucking Maniac

I mean that with the utmost endearment.

I'm really sad that Hunter S. Thompson committed suicide.

I read Fear & Loathing in Las Vegas when I was about fifteen and it was probably the first book I ever read that made me laugh out loud until I could barely breathe. I couldn't even contain myself. The images that he was able to create with just a few words were priceless and I was compelled to read many passages out loud to family members who found them as hysterical as I did. To this day I will highly recommend that book as one of the funniest I've ever read. Of course it's only a fraction of his work, but will forever be a gen-x classic.

It's sad to think that someone who could write such outrageous comedic fiction would be so tortured, but that seems to be the way that it often is. Those who are the most skilled at making others laugh have the hardest struggle when it comes around to their own happiness. But I can't help feeling angry at people who kill themselves. Apparently, HST had a back surgery that left him in persistent pain. I'm sure that had something to do with his desire to die, but I imagine it also had plenty to do with a feeling that he was done here, nothing left to give, not enough love left for the world to want to keep living in it.

He was a one of a kind. This uptight world needs more Hunter S. Thompsons. Scowl and all.

I think it's time to dive in to that copy of "Curse of Lono" that my friend Alexa loaned me.

RIP HST.

Blog? What blog?

I've spent all the time I normally would have spent blogging this weekend, relearning basic math instead. It needs to be done. Kathleen handed me down a great math book that was previously passed on to her by our friend Frannie. I'm actually enjoying learning this stuff again. Weird. I am determined to get a righteous score on this test though so it feels good to be slowly progressing towards a higher level of confidence about the ultimate outcome. I am sure as I get closer and closer to my test date I will become increasingly nervous that I'm going to bomb, but right now I just feel preoccupied by the need to devote a lot of time to preparation, so bear with me, my blog may continue to be updated infrequently over the next week or so, barring a sudden burst of energy directed at the "internets."

Hope you all had a great three day weekend out there! Tell me something exciting. Kiss kiss.

It Pretty Much Rocks

Well, it's done. The packing is finally, finally done and I am home nice and early to enjoy the rest of my afternoon: a reward for all my hard work over the last couple weeks. Got into the office this morning and banged the rest of it out and left at 1:00 p.m. in excellent conscience. Even better is the three day weekend between now and Tuesday morning when the unpacking and adjustment to the new space will begin. That's the fun part.

I was watching Jon Stewart last night and he and Stephen Colbert had a long dialogue on bloggers. I find it somewhat incredible that blogs like Daily Kos, Wonkette and Atrios have been regularly cited recently during discussions in the media about bloggers and their influence. Jon Stewart's show did an amazing job of portraying blogs as a worthy alternative to mainstream news. It was sweet. Seeing the concept of blogs soaring towards the popularity and acclaim that it deserves is extremely satisfying. Blogs have arrived. I have to say that it feels good to have been a miniscule part of this limitless internet movement. What will ultimately become of it all? Right now blogs are just starting to gain real recognition.

Some of these spotlit bloggers are seriously kickin' ass for the blogging team. It won't be long before mainstream news is left far behind in a cloud of dust and mascara hued tears by people who actually give a shit about the truth and live in the real world enough to tell it.

Just What's Happening

I've been pretty much MIA from the blog recently. Too much goin on. I feel sad because I haven't had the chance to read up on other people's blogs at all and have barely had time to write on my own and respond to emails and comments. This office move is really taking everything out of me. My horoscope was insane today. Something about moving mountains, tunneling through obstacles and making sure to ask for help. Startlingly accurate as far as horoscopes go.

I can't even describe the mountain of paper in my boss's office that requires some semblance of organization and packing. I call it a "securities blanket." It's a little pun I thought up to describe his office. It is literally a blanket of securities and tobacco litigation paperwork. But it is also a security blanket to him in the sense that he dreads getting rid of even a single piece of paper or any books and articles that have been rendered virtually obsolete by the years that have passed since they were published. At the same time that I completely understand why he has a phobia about getting rid of anything, it makes it very difficult to overcome the volume of paper and get everything efficiently packed and moved. He's got half of a rainforest in his office and it's in shambles. And because he is really incredibly busy, he needs my help to conquer it. Which I am more than happy to help with. Organizational skills seem to be my strong suit. Unfortunately, time is running extremely short, considering that our computers will be unplugged at 1:00 Friday and we have to clear the way for the movers by 4:00. I cannot describe the size of this job. I do not envy the people that will have to do the heavy lifting. The halls are lined with boxes all packed and stacked and labeled and ready to be carted off to our new digs. I will miss the old digs. We all love our office now and most of us are a little sad to go and join the rest of the firm at the main NY branch. We were on a bit of an island and now we're being brought to shore. But new experiences always have the potential to be positive one way or another, so I look forward to the newness if nothing else. I am pretty much completely packed, but there is still a lot, a LOT left to do. I am trying not to let myself stress about it.

Rob and I had a great extended three-day Valentines day. In our three and a half years of dating, we've had our ups and downs like anyone, but Rob really puts in the effort when it comes to "special occasions." Monday turned out to be a rough day where things didn't go as planned so we ended up staying home and happily enjoyed pizza delivery and camping out to watch our favorite show, "24." We exchanged little gifts. I gave him cuff links inlaid with a knight in shining armor on each one (a little symbolism never hurts). He gave me an adorable pink stuffed animal (yes I still love stuffed animals and sleep with them regularly) and a beautiful card. He was disappointed that he hadn't had time to do anything really special on the big day. The next night (yesterday) I came home to find flowers and a pair of earrings that I'd been desperately wanting. Finally, tonight he took me out to City Island in the Bronx where he treated me to lobster, crab legs, filet mignon and a plethora of other delights at a restaurant called "Sammy's." It was my first time there and I absolutely loved it. There was a fireplace and we shared the same side of a booth and it felt utterly cozy and romantic. We were giddy to be on a nice date together. Robert called it a "food bonanza." It really was. We were so stuffed and floating euphoric when we walked out of there. SO the boy pulled out all the stops. You can't expect it, because it's not worth the unreal or unfair expectations followed by irrational but uncontrollable feelings of disappointment. But it really is amazing when you see someone doing everything possible to please you and express their love. I have never had this in a relationship before Robert.

Granted, Valentines Day is a bullshit consumerist holiday filled with unrealistic expectations, but let's be honest, being showered with symbols of adoration never really gets old. Even if it doesn't happen again until the next special occasion. Consumerism aside, in one way I think V-day is a good thing because it forces people who are in relationships to think about what they appreciate about eachother and take a moment to do something extra nice to express their love. Unfortunately, it's also a day that tends to emphasize to many people, the fact that they are not currently in a relationship and it makes them bitter. Perfectly natural. I think it's best to ignore it if you're single and relish it for all it's worth if you're not.

We relished it for all it was worth and I feel very, very loved. :o) So there. Good times.

How Was It?

I thought the Gates were incredible. I noticed that a few people there seemed to think that the whole thing was stupid and pointless, probably having been dragged along by someone who actually cared. Art and beauty truly do only exist in the eye of the beholder. I thought it was amazing though. I've never seen that many people in Central Park before. It was like seeing people come on a pilgrimage. I thought it was inspiring in itself that these artists were able to create something that compelled people to come and look at it. That's worth a great deal as far as art is concerned. Having striking visual experiences is important. It is what really connects you to the world around you. A bright color splashed across the landscape can definitely produce a natural high. I felt it today. Knowing that someone had created this for no purpose other than to add color to the landscape gave me a warm feeling in my belly, the same way I feel when I'm standing in a museum looking up at a mind blowing work of art, but this was almost better, because you're a part of the picture. The whole world is being invited to become a part of the picture. I kind of felt like I was in that movie Mary Poppins where they say "supercalifragilisticexpialidocious" and then they hold hands and jump into the chalk drawings on the sidewalk. I felt like that. Like I'd jumped into a painting.

They reminded me a lot of Buddhism because of the vibrant orange color of the flags. The color of a monk's robes. The way they hung and flapped reminded me of the long silk tapestries that hang in a Buddhist temple. Maybe that was a part of the appeal for me. I definitely perceived something spiritual in it. These winding paths and hills, lined for miles and miles with these firey orange gates. Everywhere you turn, there they are. I wanted so badly to see an arial shot of the park at the moment when we arrived. Every pathway was absolutely teeming with humans. All feeling or thinking something different in relation to this thing that we were all there to see. Some people were feeling really exhalted by it all and some were feeling bored and bewildered. But they were all there traversing the paths liesurely. We zipped past people on our Heelys. It was such a great time. I loved it. I thought it was beautiful and far more inspiring than I could have imagined. Definitely lived up to my expectations.

Amazing Gates

I am so full. Blaaw...ate too much.

Going to Central Park tomorrow to see "The Gates." I have to give Mayor Bloomberg credit for welcoming this installation, since it's been said that it wasn't until he took such a great interest that the plans of these two crazy artists were finally allowed to go through. I am so excited to go and see it tomorrow. I'm going to skate through the gates with Kathleen and Robert and whoever else wants to come. It's going to be beautiful.

Rob's friend Joe came for dinner tonight and he's helping Rob put together my new entertainment center. I rarely buy furniture, but this was an absolute necessity. The DVD/VHS collection is all over the place. Playstation, DVD player and cable box on the floor. I'm really excited about the new unit. It's pretty hot. It's wood, but it's painted silver, which works well with the general decor in my living room. It has cute little doors on it with diamond shaped glass windows and cylandrical legs. It's amazing what one fun new piece of furniture or a little addition to the decor does to make your environment feel cozier to live in. I'm just happy that the guys are putting it together and I don't have to have any part in the assembly process.

I'm ready for a nap. We stayed up way too late last night. Rob treated his friend and I to drinks and dinner in the Bronx. It was lovely until the waiter came to refill my glass and I managed to knock Robert's entire 12 oz. drink into my lap. I was absolutely soaked. Thank god the bathroom had hand dryers. I stood in there pushing the button over and over and over again until I was dry enough to walk out in to the freezing cold without catching pneumonia. Sometimes I am a disaster. Such a klutz, it's not even funny. For someone who had aspirations of being a ballerina when I was younger, I'm sure not the most graceful person. General coordination, I have. Grace, not so much.

We visited with Rob's friend's son. A sweet little kid who has come over to my place to visit us before. He's four. And out of control. But too cute for words. When I walked into the apartment he emerged, all two feet of him, his head and body cloaked and wrapped tightly in a sheet. He moaned and staggered about for about sixty full seconds before crashing headfirst into a little Spongebob Squarepants tent that was set up in the middle of the living room floor. I couldn't help but laugh my ass off. It was one of the most comedic things I've ever witnessed. By the end of the night I had donned a pair of gigantic green Incredible Hulk gloves that make a crashing sound when you touch them to anything so you feel suuuper tough when you put them on and start smacking them together like a boxer. This little kid had a pair of big plastic swords which he crossed at the beginning of our duel like a miniature night, but then he would spastically attack once the battle had begun, ending it all by just chucking the swords at me from a couple feet away. I need a pair of those Hulk gloves of my very own. I fell in love with them. I would come home and put those on whenever I have a bad day and I really think that just smashing them against the wall a few times would be productive.

We drove home to Brooklyn. Rob plugged his MP3 player into the tape deck and we enjoyed several feel-good songs. Sometimes it feels so satisfying to just be a passenger in a vehicle and stare out the window and daydream. The city seemed dark last night. Driving out of the Bronx, I couldn't help but feel a little unnerved by the landscape. Massive projects look kind of ominous at night, the way the buildings are lined up. Huge sections where it looks like one gigantic building but it's really a bunch of buildings all clustered, replicas of eachother. I contemplated what New York City would look like in ruins. If it were just devestated like Pompeii. Smashed. I tried to picture what it will look like a few thousand years from now and a hundred thousand years after that. But it was all too vast for me to wrap my mind around. We have tried so hard to defy the earth with concrete and buildings and machinery. That is man's way of having control over something that can't possibly be controlled. But this is the way that we have learned to survive. By building huge cities. I saw it being wiped out. It was a morbid thought but there was something comforting about knowing that this world was here long before I got here and it will be here long after we're all gone, and history will carry on.

I can't wait for tomorrow. I feel like it's Christmas. To the Gates!

What a glorious day

Okay, well it's not that especially glorious, but I'm in a really impenatrably good mood at the moment. Much better than this morning when I posted a few more complaints in what seems to have become a small littany of grumpiness on my blog recently. (Oh and there's plenty more that I'm not sharing, so just be greatful that you don't have to hear the whole lot.)

Anyway, I went and took my four hour diagnostic test for my Kaplan course this morning. I was hands down the oldest person there. There were a whole lot of teenagers and I was just glad I'd worn tight jeans and a hot pink velour hoodie so that I looked a little younger, at least in dress. I'm pretty sure I saw one or two sets of eyes wondering about me. Or maybe it was just my own slight self consciousness about being 26 and finally just now getting around to doing this thing that it seems like so many others do in their last year of high school. It's a confirmation in some ways of the fact that I was such a failure in school.

I've never felt the least bit remorseful that I was a failure in school because it didn't hold me back from making money or living my life the way that I wanted to. It's never mattered much until I became an adult and just recently decided to try to take the next step up towards a new form of fulfillment while I have a chance during my short existence on this planet. Formal Education. Alien words to a former dilinquent, but it's nice that those two words no longer sound so threatening.

So the test wasn't that bad. Not bad at all. The hours flew by as I marked one little bubble after another, feeling confidant about the writing and reading comprehension...and then: Ouch. The maaath. Ayayay. I didn't know how to solve those problems any better than I would have been able to perform brain surgery if they'd asked me to. Looking at math problems that you haven't the slightest idea how to solve is about as fun as the idea of wiping one's ass with tinfoil. Or at least that's what came to mind at the time. Luckily, there wasn't a lot of it and most of the test was reading, writing and grammar. All multiple choice with the exception of the essay. This is the brand new SAT test that I'll be taking and at this point no one has ever taken it before. But since I didn't know what the old one was like, this one seemed fine to me.

I came home and found out that the boiler is busted and it won't be fixed until Monday, so I'm staying warm with the oven and spaceheater. I heated up some leftover chicken enchiladas I made. Nice and hot with a dollop of sour cream on top and a little salad. That put me in a good mood. I'm just glad not to be at work today, because after the last week, I need a serious break. I think we all do. So I'm just going to kick back a little and start doing all the things around the house that I neglected to do over the past few days.

Check ya later.

Up and At 'Em Rock 'Em Sock 'Em

I'm up, I'm going to take my "diagnostic" test for my SAT class, the pot of coffee that I made this morning tastes like ass and my house is cold because for some unexplainable reason, the heat has not come on in my house for many hours. Grumpy city.

I have not been avoiding blogging, but this has been one of the worst weeks I've ever had at my job due to this gigantic move that we're doing to another building. I'm going to get back on track here soon. And hopefully things will be back on track at work once we've got this move completed. I'll be back later, hopefully with a little more than early morning complaints for ya'll.

Sunshine

This song plays on my Launchcast station every so often. I was at work today sorting through stacks of paper from my boss's office because we're moving, listening to my headphones, acquiring one painful papercut after another, and when that song came on the lyrics and the music took me to a completely different place. I want this cd right away.

Sunshine
By World Party

You can't see forward.
You can't look back.
There's nothing that you need,
Nothing that you lack.
And it ain't gonna last this way.
You say you're living
Out on the edge.
But you're on solid ground,
Not on a ledge.
And I think we're gonna make it,
This time.

Sunshine, I just can't get enough of you.
Sometimes you just blow my mind.
Gonna take it all, gonna change it all for you.
And I'm so glad that you found me,
Yeah, you made it just in time.
Yeah, I'm so glad now - I'm getting delirious.

You're down in the basement
When we're up here on the roof.
You're looking for evidence
When you're living proof.
But we hope you're gonna make it,
Up here.

Sunshine, I just can't get enough of you.
Sometimes you just blow my mind.
Gonna take it all, gonna change it all for you.
Sunshine, don't leave me behind.

I keep getting caught in the rain,
Fooled again and again.
I start acting like there's no tomorrow.
Drowning in a sea of pain and sorrow.

Oh, I said,
Sometimes I just can't get enough of you.
Sunshine, you just blow my mind.
Gonna take it all, gonna change it all for you.
And I'm so gald that you found me,
Yeah, you made it just in time.
Yeah, I'm so glad now - I'm getting delirious.

Zany Bitz

Watching MSNBC tonight we saw two stories that absolutely amazed us. One was about the woman who apparently has two uteruses and managed to make two babies out of one egg, in her two seperate uteruses, and gave birth to two healthy babies, nearly two months apart! That one just gets crazier as it goes along.

The second was a story about a four year old boy who managed to get into his parents' car in the middle of the night and drive three blocks to the video store, crashing a couple times on his way back, but ultimately making it home safe and sound. The interview with the chief of police was pretty hilarious. That's probably the most excitement he's gotten in years in that two hos' town.

Sorry, that's all the blogging energy I have for tonight. I know. It's pathetic. We are moving our offices at my job so there's too much to do during the day to find time to say or read much and the nights seem too short to accomodate blogging. Sucky. I start my SAT course this Saturday, so soon I'm going to have to balance out the blogging with much studying.

Oh I finished Running With Scissors today. GREAT book.

Pop Culture Madness

Today is my little sister's 23rd birthday. I spoke on the phone with her tonight and it felt so good to hear her voice and the sounds of my family in the background. My mom shouting "I had Maria when I was 23!" I could hear the laughter of my brother and my dad and it made me wish so badly that I could be there with them to celebrate. Sometimes it just sucks being 3,000 miles away.

So I've slipped into the warm crocheted poncho that Ana (that's my li'l sis) gave me for Christmas and trying to gain familial comfort without actually being in the same room with them. Some days it's just harder than others.

I don't usually blog when I'm feeling particularly sad, because which one of you really wish to hear me bellyache about whatever personal afflictions or dilemmas I am facing in my life? Probably not many. There are other things to blog about that are far more interesting. But when I'm sad I have a hard time blogging at all. It's hard sometimes to set aside your own issues and focus on something else. So I've refrained from blogging a lot recently.

This weekend I went to Rob's house and stayed there all weekend and didn't look at the computer once. Not once. Not even to check email. Nothing. It felt good. There's that addictive little keyboard tapping in the back of my mind at times but I just shut it off and put in a DVD or open a book. It feels good to do that. Even bloggers need a break. ;o)

I'm reading "Running With Scissors" right now by Augusten Burroughs. I love it.

I've also seen some funny movies recently. Last week we saw "Shaun of the Dead," "Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle" and "Napolean Dynamite" all of which were hilarious. Napolean Dynamite possibly being my favorite out of the three. Oh. We also saw "Maria Full of Grace," which was astoundingly good.

Another great movie to see if you haven't already: "Garden State." An excellent movie which inspired me to want to make a film of my own one day. GS was not only a superbly entertaining movie to watch, but also has a terrific soundtrack, perfect for melancholy days. But the BEST part, is that Zach Braff, the mastermind behind it all, has his own blog. Yes. It's true. Not only A blog. But A fucking great blog. Totally check it out. He is my latest hero.

Unfortunately for all the other heros in the world, Keifer Sutherland is about to come on in a couple minutes to seriously blow all the other heros out of the water, as he does in every episode of 24. I gotta go get my fix. Later Sk8rs.

Baby Steps

Today was a great day for Gays and Lesbians (and their supporters!!!) here in New York.

N.Y. judge strikes down gay marriage ban: Ruling says same-sex couple can’t be denied equal rights

The Associated Press

NEW YORK - A judge declared Friday that a law banning same-sex marriage violates the state constitution, a first-of-its-kind ruling in New York that would clear the way for gay couples to wed if it survives on appeal.

Gay rights activists hailed the ruling as a historic victory that “delivers the state Constitution’s promise of equality to all New Yorkers.”

“The court recognized that unless gay people can marry, they are not being treated equally under the law,” said Susan Sommer, a Lambda Legal Defense Fund lawyer who presented the case. “Same-sex couples need the protections and security marriage provides, and this ruling says they’re entitled to get them the same way straight couples do.”

State Supreme Court Justice Doris Ling-Cohan ruled in favor of five gay couples who had been denied marriage licenses by New York City. The Supreme Court is New York’s trial level court.

The couples brought a lawsuit arguing they were denied legal protections guaranteed under the constitution. The judge agreed and said the New York City clerk may not deny a license to any couple solely because the two are of the same sex.

“Under both the federal and New York State constitutions, it is beyond question that the right to liberty” extends to protect marriage,” Ling-Cohan wrote.

The ruling will not take effect for at least 30 days. The city Law Department issued a statement saying only, “We are reviewing the decision thoroughly and considering our options.”

The judge ordered a copy of her decision sent to the state attorney general, who was not involved in the case. Calls to Attorney General Eliot Spitzer’s office were not immediately returned.

The ruling applies only in the city, but could extend statewide if upheld by the Court of Appeals in Albany.

Mathew Staver, president of Liberty Counsel, said he was “disappointed” by the decision. “Redefinition of a law’s terms is for the legislature to do, not for a judge. She’s an activist judge legislating from the bench.”

Mary Jo Kennedy and Jo-Ann Shain, one of the couples in the case, said they were thrilled by the ruling and believed it would offer their family increased legal protection. They have been together 23 years and have a 15-year-old daughter.

“We’re just overjoyed,” said Shain. “We didn’t think it would ever happen.

Kennedy said she wants to marry Shain as soon as possible. “I can’t wait,” she said. “We went to buy a (marriage) license in March 2004 and couldn’t get it. That’s what started this whole thing.”

The judge noted that one plaintiff in the case, Curtis Woolbright, is the son of an interracial couple who moved to California in 1966 to marry. She said California then was the only state whose courts had ruled that interracial marriage prohibitions were unconstitutional.

Forwarding Addresses

Check out Darcie's new digs at geeekgirl.net. Officially her OWN domain! Yay! Darcie writes some of the greatest posts ever. I love her wry humor, wonderful photographs and subtle social commentary. I also love the fact that she's one of my best friends in the whole wide world and I feel lucky to know her.

Pete Beck has also moved. He's another one I always enjoy reading. He's got such a positive voice and a unique outlook. Check it out. I'm hypin the homies.

And to all the rest of you bloggers out there, doing your thing, saying what's on your mind, speaking out with a positive soul and a desire to share something meaningful, even if it's only in the scope of your own universe, THANK YOU. I get busy sometimes and don't read as many blogs as I'd like to, but I have my mainstays, as most of us do. And regardless of reciprocation and all that business, there are a lot of really kickass writers out there. I am always amazed. Some of the most talented writers of today are bloggers. We're creating a whole new world out here.

Cosa Nostradamus wrote a post that Sandy put up at her site that really struck me in terms of what we're all doing here. On the internet. What is our purpose? I believe our purpose is to create positivity and to effect change. In the essence of our very existence, we do represent change. There are many out there who represent malicious behavior and a desire to oppress and facilitate acrimony. Those people are best to be ignored. On the whole, blogging is a movement. Some people want it to be a bowel movement. Others want it to be a movement towards a better world. Those people listed under the Progressive Blog Alliance are all people who see themselves as a part of that movement.

All those who are using this internet to create positivity, to get inside people's heads, to tell their story genuinely, to pop out a little bit of humor or thoughtfulness or beauty or insight during the day for others to participate in. That's what it's all about. The smell of piss and vinegar fades as a good faith effort to contribute to the internet, as a society of its own, takes reign.

Jackals

More upstanding individuals being appointed to Bush's cabinet...you can tell he really looks for integrity in his choices. Not a big surprise that Bush's father pardoned this scumbag in the first place and that he is now being entrusted with national security after exhibiting such serious difficulty in the past with telling the truth.

Iran-Contra Figure to Lead Democracy Efforts Abroad

Elliott Abrams, who pleaded guilty in 1991 to withholding information from Congress in the Iran-contra affair, was promoted to deputy national security adviser to President Bush.

Abrams, who previously was in charge of Middle East affairs, will be responsible for pushing Bush's strategy for advancing democracy.

The White House also announced yesterday that Faryar Shirzad, a deputy national security adviser for international economic affairs, will take on added responsibilities for humanitarian affairs, stabilization and reconstruction efforts.

Prior to joining the NSC staff, Shirzad was assistant secretary for import administration at the Commerce Department. Before that, he was the lead coordinator of international trade policy for the Bush-Cheney transition team.

The White House had earlier tapped J.D. Crouch, the U.S. ambassador to Romania, for the No. 2 job at the National Security Council, under national security adviser Stephen J. Hadley.

Abrams has served as special assistant to the president and senior director for Near East and North African affairs since December 2002. He will continue work on Israeli-Palestinian affairs in concert with Hadley and Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice.

Abrams's 1991 plea stemmed from the congressional inquiry into the Iran-contra affair during President Ronald Reagan's administration. On Oct. 10, 1986, Abrams, then a State Department employee, testified before the Senate Foreign Relations Committee that he did not know that Marine Lt. Col. Oliver North was directing illegal arms sales to Iran and diverting the proceeds to assist the Nicaraguan contras.

Abrams was pardoned by Bush's father, President George H.W. Bush.

His name surfaced last year as part of the investigation into who leaked the name of a CIA operative whose husband publicly disputed Bush administration claims that Iraq tried to buy uranium in Africa. White House spokesman Scott McClellan has said that Abrams denied responsibility.

© 2005 The Washington Post Company

A Fine Sermon

Bush has some timing. I tell you, it's just amazing how something pulls him back up every time his head is about to sink below water. Is it god? While we were watching as much as we could stand of the SOU tonight, Rob mentioned that Dubya sounds like a preacher up there on the pulpit. Preachin' about freedom. Preachin' about liberty and bravery and sacrifice. Is it a little bit of conniving strategic planning? I tend to think so. The election in Iraq was diligently forced by the administration and was "successful." It was successful in the sense that those who voted no doubt experienced a great deal of satisfaction. And that makes me happy. What doesn't make me happy is the way that every single major turning point during Bush's tenure seems to conveniently occur at the moment where he most needs it. As in, right before he is about to address the American people in one of the biggest speeches of the year. Or right before the election (as the Osama tape emerged shortly before). Or right when he needed a serious boost in approval ratings and a good sturdy launching pad to war with Iraq (as in 9/11). Those are the big ones. But there have been so many other little ones. I also don't like the feeling that the Iraqi people are being paid a great deal of lip service about democracy and such, but what kind of true democracy they will actually end up with remains to be seen and doesn't look so good thus far. It's just another case of Team Bush glossing things over and failing to realize that you can't wish a functioning democracy into existence.

"We will work for a prosperity that is broadly shared..."

Yes? The way that we broadly shared the prosperity of the war in Iraq with Poland and our other allies who sacrificed troops for the war? The way all of Bush's campaign/inauguration donors work to broadly share the prosperity of their gluttonous corporations here in America? The kind of broad sharing of prosperity that we have done in spending hundreds of billions to fight a war that never needed to be fought? That kind of broad sharing of prosperity?

"In all these days of promise and days of reckoning, we can be confident."

"During the last two years we have seen what can be accomplished when we work together."

Thank you preacher Dubya. We should all support preacher Dubya in his endeavor to take out the axis of evil (which is practically expanding by the minute) and all others who do not want to accept our precious American Brand of freedom and liberty that we are so graciously willing to nudge them toward with the help of a few bombs, missiles and mass detainments. What of the cost? What of the cost? You think we don't have enough volunteer troops to take out all the nasty regimes and stop all the genocide and cease the torture and killing that is going on in so many corners of the world? You think we do not have the funds? You do not think it's prudent? I think a world war could be fun, don't you? Let's do it together.

The way Bush talks about taking people freedom and liberty is the same way that Anglo-Saxons talked and went about converting so many foreign cultures to Christianity. With force.

"The best way to address the deficit and move toward a balanced budget is to encourage economic growth and to show some spending discipline in Washington, D.C."

Do we even have to go there Dubya? Do we have to talk about fiscal responsibility? This is another occasion where he proves that he's all talk and not at all about coming through on any of the glossed over promises and pledges that he makes. It's all showtunes.

The talking heads on CNN were typically useless in their post-sermon commentary. All the gushing afterwards really made my ass tired. I could almost see the sap dripping from the side of my tv screen. Oooh. With the token Iraqi woman holding up her index finger while standing at Laura Bush's side, the token mother of a dead soldier, weeping, we are to presume because she is so overcome by pride that her son died fighting this crusade. Oooh this honorable crusade! The fatherliness that Bush intones while he explains to all of us about the hard work that needs to be done and the many mountains left still to climb! And how he trusts us and believes in us! To stand behind him and fight his crusade with him! Er. Um. For him. Ooh the glory. What a con. What a charlatan. What a dirty bullshit artist this president is.

While I have to admit that his speech writer did a far better job than last year, it's a shame that the effort was probably largely wasted since the people who support Bush will eat up whatever line of crap is tossed their way, regardless. Might as well keep it simple. It's not like Bush knows what he's talking about half the time anyway, not to mention the fact that in politics things are always smoothed over enough in speeches to leave out the whole truth. I can't wait to see my republican co-workers tomorrow and hear them reaffirming their faith. It all sounds so great! People want to believe. Bush talks and they feel like he is their messiah, telling them that if they just accept him into their hearts and do as he says they'll be rewarded in the end. (He's not Hitler! He's Charles Manson!) Never wanting to even begin to think about believing that every single move he makes is in the best interest of himself, his family and his special constituents and money donors. And no one else.

It baffles me that anyone can buy the line that he governs the way he does purely in the interest of the American people. It's the most naive thing I can think of. But I guess if you think the way he does, it all makes perfect sense. And I can see it all makes perfect sense to a lot of people. But there's a much more intricate reality that those people don't want to see. It's easy to put your faith in something and to trust blindly, because it relieves you of the obligation to actually think things through. Maybe that's an elitest view, but it's one of those times where that movie "the Matrix" is actually a good point of reference. It's so much easier to live within the reality that is created and laid out for you than to contemplate that life is more sinister than it seems and people are far less trustworthy than they might try to convey themselves to be. It still surprises me though, when people tell me that they support George Bush and the way that him and his administration and all the little political puppets are running things in America. It must be nice to feel so satisfied. But I'm not satisfied with it. The way I see it, as long as the current republicans have control of the government in this country, we will be on a path of war, suffering and environmental destruction.

Bush talked in his speech tonight about energy efficiency and preserving the environment. Sounds great. Too bad that the fucker always does the exact opposite of what he says he's going to do when it comes to domestic policy. He wasn't too concerned with the environment when he rolled back EPA regulations on power plants and factories as soon as he came into office. He hasn't been concerned with the environment ever. He has an absolutely atrocious environmental record. Hearing him tell these kinds of lies and represent himself as someone who cares for the environment is an outrage. I wish that someone would call him out on it once in awhile and that those who DO call him out could be heard rather than stifled and silenced.

He actually said a lot of the exact same, word for word, lines that he said last year. If you compared the two transcripts, I'll bet you would find that 95% was recycled bullshit, all shined and tied up real nice with a ribbon on it.

"Because of excessive litigation, everybody pays more for health care, and many parts of America are losing fine doctors. No one has ever been healed by a frivolous lawsuit; I urge the Congress to pass medical liability reform."

That one always gets under my skin. No one has ever been healed by a frivolous lawsuit. Okay, but does he ever talk about the lawsuits that aren't frivolous where doctors and corporations of all kinds get away with murder? Does he ever talk about the responsibility of medical providers and corporations to pay, punitively, for their bad practices? Eh, no. If you listened to George Bush talk, you'd think every single lawsuit ever filed was frivolous! Yes, and all lawyers are evil scumsucking leeches. Okay, well a lot of them truly are, but the ones who are making the most money are the ones who are defending these huge corporations from lawsuits! Trust me. That's why they need such good liability insurance, so they can hire these fleets of fancy lawyers. Bush cares more about protecting a doctor's pocketbook than protecting the patients who entrust their health to medical providers, not to mention protecting corporations above consumers.

Well, I could probably go on and on, but my tired digits and sleepy shoulders say no more politics and no more talk of false profits for now.

Belated addition: I failed to mention last night in my half-awake tangent that I cannot believe that with everything that is going on in the world, Bush is still pushing for his constitutional amendment to ban gay marriage. With all the things he has to concern himself with, he has room to agonize over the thought of gay people getting married. What a waste of time and energy. But I guess it shouldn't surprise me that the republican party has made the legislation and enforcement of discrimination a top priority for the next four years.

Stole this Meme

Cupie passed me the stick, and since I never get tired of sharing musical tastes (except when Contemporary Cuntry enters the mix), I did it.

Random 10 Songs in My Playlist:

(They're not really random, because I love every last one of them).

1. Lovin is Digi - Bobby Digital a/k/a RZA
2. What Would You Do - City High
3. Don't Cry - Guns n' Roses
4. Bela Lugosi's Dead - Bauhaus
5. Cignet Committee - David Bowie
6. The Ship Song - Nick Cave
7. Casualty Vampires - Circle Jerks
8. A Little Respect - Erasure
9. Brick By Brick - Iggy Pop
10. Bonzo Goes to Bitburg - Ramones

What is the total amount of music files on your computer?

Who's asking? The freakin feds? (I think this meme may have an ulterior motive).

The last CD you bought is:

Andre Nickatina - Bullets, Blunts In Ah Big Bankroll
(I ordered it and I can't wait for it to arrive!)

What is the song you last listened to before this message?

"Grendel" by Sunny Day Real Estate

Five songs you often listen to or that mean a lot to you.

1. Outsider - The Ramones
2. Fuck and Run - Liz Phair
3. Creatures of Love - Talking Heads
4. Out in the Streets - Trio
5. Maps - Yeah Yeah Yeahs

Who are you gonna pass this stick to (five persons and why)?

1. Darcie, because she's introduced me to so much great music.
2. Sandy, because she loves music too and she's always rockin out to something.
3. Cul, because I have no idea what kind of music he likes.
4. Cosa, because I hope he's listening to something uplifting right now.
5. Pete Beck, because because because!!!

I Could Have Told You That

One more way our right wing Christian government have found to waste $130 million in tax payer funds.

Texas Teens Increased Sex After Abstinence Program

HOUSTON (Reuters) - Abstinence-only sex education programs, a major plank in President Bush's education plan, have had no impact on teenagers' behavior in his home state of Texas, according to a new study.

Despite taking courses emphasizing abstinence-only themes, teenagers in 29 high schools became increasingly sexually active, mirroring the overall state trends, according to the study conducted by researchers at Texas A&M University.

"We didn't see any strong indications that these programs were having an impact in the direction desired," said Dr. Buzz Pruitt, who directed the study.

The study was delivered to the Texas Department of State Health Services, which commissioned it.

The federal government is expected to spend about $130 million to fund programs advocating abstinence in 2005, despite a lack of evidence that they work, Pruitt said.

"The jury is still out, but most of what we've discovered shows there's no evidence the large amount of money spent is having an effect," he said.

The study showed about 23 percent of ninth-grade girls, typically 13 to 14 years old, had sex before receiving abstinence education. After taking the course, 29 percent of the girls in the same group said they had had sex.

Boys in the tenth grade, about 14 to 15 years old, showed a more marked increase, from 24 percent to 39 percent, after receiving abstinence education.

Abstinence-only programs, which have sprouted up in schools across the nation, cannot offer information about birth control and must promote the social and health benefits of abstaining from sex.

Pruitt said he hoped the study would bring about changes in the content of abstinence-promoting programs.

"These programs seem to be much more concerned about politics than kids, and we need to get over that," he said.

One program technique has been to try to bolster students' self-esteem, based on the theory that self-confident teenagers would not have sex. Those programs, which sometimes do not even mention sex, have shown no effect, Pruitt said.

Other programs that focus on the social norms and expectations appear to be more successful, he said.

Oops. I Didn't Know We Couldn't Talk About Sex

My eyes! My eyes! They've seen the most dastardly sinful thing!!!

Animated Frog's Genitals -- Okay for TV?

LONDON (Reuters) - Despite complaints from 60 people, Britain's advertising regulators said Wednesday there is nothing inappropriate about the genitals of an animated frog whose high-pitched squeals are sold as a mobile phone ringtone.

Television adverts of the motorcycle-riding Crazy Frog, who is drawn with a broad smile and a tiny penis, run frequently on British television, amusing, baffling and annoying viewers.

"While unusual for an animated model of this type to be shown with genitalia, no sexual or inappropriate references were made about its anatomy," the UK's Advertising Standards Authority said.

Twenty-two people complained they were worried children might see the advertising, which also promotes screen savers and mobile videos. Five parents said they were embarrassed by questions their children had asked.

Other viewers simply found the commercial annoying and thought it was shown too often.

"We appreciate that the frequent broadcast of the same, or similar commercials can be annoying to some viewers," the ASA said. "However, it is for the advertiser and broadcaster to decide how often a particular advertisement is shown."

Because the ads contain a text number to place an order, they are barred from being shown during children's programs, and the ASA said there were no reports of children being concerned by the advert.

The ads were created by Germany's Lorena Medienagentur GmbH for Jamba! AG, trading as Jamster.

In The United States this advertisement already would have been pulled due to the fascist FCC and prude Christian society that is apprently the majority in this country, but in Britain, those who wish to kvetch about the inappropriate nature of this advertisement are rightly ignored. I will never understand, where naked bodies are concerned, why parents say stupid things like "how do I explain it to my children?" or "I felt so uncomfortable when my child asked me what that was between the frog's legs!" What the hell is so uncomfortable about saying "it's a penis sweetie, just like you've got."? If this is something you feel uncomfortable saying to your child, perhaps you shouldn't have kids. Explaining nature and its purpose is part of your job.

For me, it comes back to the Janet Jackson Superbowl exposure. I understand the concept that people were not expecting to see that during a football game and that it was mildly startling, but I find it so strange that anyone would take such profound offense at something as inane and udderly harmless (please forgive the pun) as a natural breast. Personally, I'd rather have my child see a real naked breast than just 3/4 of a pair of big huge fake ones. Now THAT'S something that's a little difficult to explain. The person who doesn't mind their child watching full grown men tackle eachother on television, smack eachother's asses, fans acting like infants, their own father sitting next to them like a useless pile of dung pulling back beers and promoting the stereotypical machismo that naturally comes along with barbaric sports, is the same parent that is offended at the sight of a naked breast and feels vexed and disturbed by the prospect of having to explain its very existence to their child. Later on those parents are going to have to explain to their children that the reason the child has grown into a sexually repressed adult wasn't actually a result of seeing Janet Jackson's breast, but a result of seeing such a negative, horrified reaction to Janet Jackson's breast. I still think that the biggest problem people had was that it was a black woman's breast. I think that hit those repressed gringos right in the gut.

The world would be a better place if people didn't repress their children sexually while allowing them a limitless diet of violence and barbarism.

When a parent teaches their child that bodies are dirty and offensive, the obvious effect is a feeling of repression and shame about one's natural sexuality and physical being, not to mention that of others. This seems to lead to all kinds of problems later in life. A lack of awareness about sexual protection, a sense of confusion about sexual desires, perhaps even conflict and rage as a result of repression. When will religious folk stop behaving as if to have a body is in itself a sin? And when will they stop passing it on to their children? There's no crime in modesty, but there is definitely something wrong with acting as if sexuality is bad and bodies are shocking and offensive to behold. Especially the animated body of a shrieking frog. That is just taking things waaaaay too far in the "oh dear I've never been so offended!" department.