By Beauty Damned

Blathering On

There must be something stirring in the universe today that is causing chaos and interpersonal conflict.

It's been a pretty dreary, rough day. I feel like I woke up this morning and got sucked into an emotional wormhole and I'm not quite to the other side yet. Personal shit, ya know? I thought I should get out of the house to clear my headspace. Distract myself with shopping. I decided to go to the department store to buy a new pair of gloves because I've just been wearing a cheap pair and it's been too damn cold to be wearing cheap gloves. I wanted a pair that would match the scarf that Darcie made for me for Christmas. The scarf is all blues and greens, super soft shades. I found a pair of blue/grey Blumarine gloves that go beautifully with it. They are suede and cashmere. If a pair of sumptuously soft gloves can't cure a feeling of woe, then you're probably pretty fuckin down. And I can say quite honestly, this morning, it didn't help as much as I'd hoped. My worries sat in the pit of my stomach like a lead weight and being in a department store didn't make me feel better, it made me feel worse. So after purchasing my new gloves I left and walked down the street to the pharmacy and bought a huge bottle of bubble bath, some facial cleanser and a new shampoo. I figured a nice smelling bath when I got home might help. I took my time getting back to the train, not feeling a great deal of anticipation about going back home and having the solitude all around me. Talked on the phone a bit. Emily called and it was great to talk to her. I decided to call my mother, which turned out not so great. Every once in awhile I feel like I say something and it is taken the wrong way, or maybe I say things the wrong way, but whatever the case, the result is near disastrous sometimes. Like today when I infuriated my mother within about ten seconds flat of getting on the telephone with her. Apparently, I have a real talent for unwittingly pushing her buttons. So that didn't really make my day.

I received all my Kaplan study materials in the mail and started looking through the books and flashcards. It looks like the english and verbal areas of the test are going to be the easy part for me, which is no big surprise. The math is going to be a challenge, but if I recall correctly, I am not terrible at math, I just have trouble retaining the information for a long period of time and I don't particularly enjoy looking at numbers, but that's something I'm going to have to overcome. I plan to get really good at math over the next couple months and be right and ready to take my test on May 7. I'm very excited about embarking on this path. I have never felt excited about studying for and taking a test before. You heard it here first.

New York is still freezing and covered in snow. It's everywhere in gigantic dirty heaps. It's been so cold that the snow and ice haven't been given a chance to melt. So despite the last snow being a week ago, it still looks like an urban winter wasteland. Rob and I were driving from our friends' house last night. When we got off the freeway near my neighborhood there was a vast expanse of snow, untouched except for the edges which had been pushed up by plows and splattered with grime. I wanted to get out and run around in it, but it wasn't the place to stop and play and it was frigid out. For the most part the snow all over the city has been trashed and shoved around and driven over and resembles nothing close to the magical wonderland that it is during the first few hours of snowfall. I guess that's the nature of everything in this universe. Like a flower, everything wilts, transforms, and eventually decomposes.

I have been trying to enjoy the winter despite the cold. The last few weeks have been brutally cold (on my own personal scale of course), and today was the first day in awhile that we've reached back into real double digit temperatures. Since living in New York, I've learned that the keys to a happy winter are a good pair of boots, warm socks and undergarments, and a lot of sweaters. I have become a sweater person since I moved here, which I never really was before. I'm sweater crazy. Everything except turtlenecks. I can't wear a fucking turtleneck no matter how cold it is, but I find other ways to keep very warm. Luckily, they make women's sweaters in a great variety these days. In fact, I think women's winterwear has come a really long way. I bought a great pair of Timberland boots this fall that turned out to be defective, so I had to send them back, of course, right before the coldest time of the entire year. But my replacements are on the way and I can't wait to get them. Buying good quality cold weather clothing makes for a much more tolerable winter.

All the same, I miss the warm weather desperately and can barely wait for the return of spring and summer.

Sore Thumb

Dick Cheney, Dressing Down

By Robin Givhan

At yesterday's gathering of world leaders in southern Poland to mark the 60th anniversary of the liberation of Auschwitz, the United States was represented by Vice President Cheney. The ceremony at the Nazi death camp was outdoors, so those in attendance, such as French President Jacques Chirac and Russian President Vladimir Putin, were wearing dark, formal overcoats and dress shoes or boots. Because it was cold and snowing, they were also wearing gentlemen's hats. In short, they were dressed for the inclement weather as well as the sobriety and dignity of the event.

The vice president, however, was dressed in the kind of attire one typically wears to operate a snow blower.

Cheney stood out in a sea of black-coated world leaders because he was wearing an olive drab parka with a fur-trimmed hood. It is embroidered with his name. It reminded one of the way in which children's clothes are inscribed with their names before they are sent away to camp. And indeed, the vice president looked like an awkward boy amid the well-dressed adults.

Like other attendees, the vice president was wearing a hat. But it was not a fedora or a Stetson or a fur hat or any kind of hat that one might wear to a memorial service as the representative of one's country. Instead, it was a knit ski cap, embroidered with the words "Staff 2001." It was the kind of hat a conventioneer might find in a goodie bag.

It is also worth mentioning that Cheney was wearing hiking boots -- thick, brown, lace-up ones. Did he think he was going to have to hike the 44 miles from Krakow -- where he had made remarks earlier in the day -- to Auschwitz?

His wife, Lynne, was seated next to him. Her coat has a hood, too, and it is essentially a parka. But it is black and did not appear to be functioning as either a name tag or a billboard. One wonders if at some point the vice president turned to his wife, took in her attire and asked himself why they seemed to be dressed for two entirely different events.

Some might argue that Cheney was the only attendee with the smarts to dress for the cold and snowy weather. But sometimes, out of respect for the occasion, one must endure a little discomfort.

Just last week, in a frigid, snow-dusted Washington, Cheney sat outside through the entire inauguration without so much as a hat and without suffering frostbite. And clearly, Cheney owns a proper overcoat. The world saw it during his swearing-in as vice president. Cheney treated that ceremony with the dignity it deserved -- not simply through his demeanor, but also through his attire. Would he have dared to take the oath of office with a ski cap on? People would have justifiably considered that an insult to the office, the day, the country.

There is little doubt that intellectually Cheney approached the Auschwitz ceremony with thoughtfulness and respect. But symbolism is powerful. That's why the piercing cry of a train whistle marked the beginning of the ceremony and the glare of searchlights signaled its end. The vice president might have been warm in his parka, ski cap and hiking boots. But they had the unfortunate effect of suggesting that he was more concerned with his own comfort than the reason for braving the cold at all.

© 2005 The Washington Post Company

As if the rest of the world wasn't already painfully aware that our country leaves something to be desired when it comes to class...Why did he think it was appropriate to dress this way here? Talk about adding insult to injury...

A Memory

It's really amazing how sometimes, when you start talking about your childhood, emotions overcome you. Especially with respect to those things that are wedged deeply inside and not realized as particularly significant until someone asks you how you feel about it. You suddenly realize that you don't know how you feel, because you never asked yourself. But the weight of the memories are crushing your heart and as soon as your thoughts are brought into focus, you just fall apart.

I had this experience the other night when Rob and I were talking. We were both in a sharing mood and just chatting away about whatever was on our minds.

We talked about certain things that have changed in our lives as we've grown into adulthood or ways that our upbringing molded us into the adults that we are. One of the big ones for me (and my whole family) has been the loss of Buddhism as the cornerstone of our family life. The spirituality is still there, but the box that it was once in has been shattered. The reasons for this split are too great and complicated and wild with details to chronicle it all here.

I mentioned that something happened gradually that changed the direction of our lives and that I never stopped to acknowledge it because I felt it would be more helpful to my other family members if I just supported them in their shift. I didn't own any sense of loss myself. Or so I thought. I thought "That's the way the cookie crumbles. Everything is not always what it seems. Life goes on." And that's true. At the time that my parents and sister left the Buddhist community, I was already living away from home and focusing on my own life. My brother and I had already distanced ourselves by the mere fact of being very wild, independent teenagers. We had stopped dedicating ourselves to Buddhist practice years earlier. But it was still a part of my life. We still owned all this property on the Buddhist land. It was still the foundation on which our lives had been built. It was still a huge part of why I have even become the person I am today. My brother has still stayed very connected to our land, which I think gives him a sense of comfort. The separation from the sangha has been very difficult and confusing for my little sister and I think she's still working through it. It may be a long time before she really comes to understand how this has affected her. She was no half-assed little Buddhist. That girl was hardcore.

But when I was talking to Rob I realized that the split that occurred when my parents left our Buddhist community only a few years ago, after devoting the prior 25 years to that practice and lifestyle, did, in fact, affect me. Because everything that I had ever known, everything that I was raised with, it's over. I could never be part of a Buddhist community again.

Rob asked if I felt like I wanted to be involved in Buddhism again now that I'm an adult. "No. It could never ever be what it was. It could never be what I hold sacred in my childhood memories. Trying to reconnect with Buddhism on an organized level would only bring about deeper feelings of confusion and maybe even bitterness."

I realize that Buddhism gave me certain principles that I live by to this day, but on another level, what it really gave me was a childhood that is vivid and memorable in a way that I could never possibly have predicted as a little girl. It was my life then. I didn't know that I would one day be an adult and it would all be gone.

I don't blame my parents for abandoning Tibetan Buddhism. They have good reasons. But in my heart I feel a sense of loss that I've never taken a moment to really mourn. It's not the loss of the religion itself, but the loss of a world that I always expected would be there. I feel greatful that my parents raised me in that religion, regardless of the events of the past few years. And I cherish it all as it remains in my heart. The colors, the sounds of the drums and bells still beating and ringing in my memory, the images of a childhood filled with altars and monks and nuns, lamas and fire pujas, temples and statues and artifacts...watching those around me pouring their lives to the work and service and practice of Tibetan Buddhism...sharing with other children who were being raised the same as me, hiding together in corners, whispering and playing games while our parents devoted themselves to their quest for eternal enlightenment and a knowledge that might free them. That is what brought forth this incredible torrent of tears while I sat there with my boyfriend, who took me in his arms and hugged me so tightly, while I mourned just a little bit for the past.

We still have a lot of land there in the valley upon which our lives and spirituality were centered. I can go there anytime I am in Oregon. I can visit the temple, gaze at the statues, plod along the old familiar dirt paths, look out at all the familiar sights, remember the thousands of things that are forever imbedded in my mind. That still exists. But that life of worship and devotion is gone. Now it is all just a pretty picture of a happy childhood. And I'm cool with that. But I needed a minute.

I am the tall one. That is my little sister Ana on my left. I love the hoola-hoop socks. That is the altar that stood in our living room, behind us. The television in the background was used exclusively for watching movies. I don't think it got many channels. Robert feels that I should point out the fact that my legs are so long in this picture that it looks like my torso is tiny. This is actually the result of the incredibly short top and the outrageously high waisted shorts that I am wearing. My legs do not actually come up to my ribcage! Hahaa. I have to say that this is really one of the most hilarious pictures in our family album.

Definition of an Asshole

This just exemplifies ONE of the reasons it disgusts me that Bush refused to answer the qestions during the presidential debates about his position on Roe v. Wade. The least the man could have done during those debates is be honest and straighforward. Instead, he dances around the questions, and then turns right around and reminds us exactly where he stands on women's rights, without ever once having to come out and answer to those Americans who disagree with his "religious" beliefs and those of other Americans, dictating the way our laws are written. How convenient for our own president to avoid having to answer to the majority of Americans who support the upholding of Roe v. Wade while blatantly pandering to his rightwing Christian constituents simultaneously. He learned that little trick a long time ago. It's now being employed to its full potential.

Bush Hails Progress Toward 'Culture of Life'

Limits on Abortion, Stem Cell Use Cited
By Michael A. Fletcher

President Bush told thousands of antiabortion marchers yesterday that his administration is making progress toward fostering a "culture of life" by enacting measures that limit abortion and stem cell research while expanding the legal definition of life.

Speaking by telephone as the protesters gathered in the biting cold for their annual antiabortion march from the Ellipse to the Supreme Court, Bush said that although outlawing abortion remains a distant goal, it is one that seems to be moving slowly into view. "The America of our dreams, where every child is welcomed . . . in life and protected in law, may still be some ways away," Bush said. "But even from the far side of the river . . . we can see its glimmerings."

Although banning abortion is a top priority of the Christian conservatives who make up the core of his electoral base, Bush chose to make his remarks by telephone from the presidential retreat at Camp David rather than address the protesters in person, and he spoke only indirectly about the goal of outlawing abortion. Similarly, in his inaugural address last week, the president did not use the word "abortion," though he made what many abortion foes regarded as a reference to the issue by saying "even the unwanted have worth."

"I'm not sure he wants to have that battle. . . . It's too contentious," said Shawn J. Parry-Giles, a University of Maryland professor who studies presidential rhetoric. "Abortion may not be part of his rhetorical presidency, but it is an issue that he may well go at through his judicial nominees."

Bush's comments to protesters came just before the 32nd annual march marking Roe v. Wade, the 1973 Supreme Court decision guaranteeing women the right to abortion. A thin majority on the high court has managed to keep the ruling in place, although it has been attacked by abortion foes who call the Roe decision legally specious and morally wrong.

With Bush beginning a second term and with eight of the nine justices age 65 or older, many abortion opponents are hopeful that he will appoint enough new justices to tip the balance when it comes to abortion. Abortion rights advocates, meanwhile, promise to work with their allies in the Senate to block any justices likely to vote to overturn Roe.

Many abortion rights groups, meanwhile, believe Bush has signaled his intention to appoint antiabortion justices by saying that his model for future justices are Antonin Scalia and Clarence Thomas, both of whom have said in legal opinions that Roe should be overturned.

In remarks to the protesters, Bush said his administration had already moved toward legislating a "culture of life" by enacting laws banning certain abortion procedures and allowing prosecutors to charge criminals who harm or kill pregnant women with harming their unborn children. Bush also touted his stem cell policy, which restricts scientists who receive federal funding to doing research on stem cells harvested from a limited number of human embryos. The policy prohibits federal subsidies of research that involves the creation or destruction of additional embryos. Many antiabortion groups and others have applauded that decision, as they equate human embryos with human life. But some scientists and patient advocates have complained that the Bush policy handicaps their work in a potentially lifesaving area of research.

"We're also moving ahead in terms of medicine and research to make sure the gifts of science are consistent with our highest values of freedom, equality, family and human dignity," Bush said. "We will not sanction the creation of life only to destroy it."

Bush also told the protesters that they will eventually prevail, if only because of what he described as the justness of their cause. "I encourage you to take warmth and comfort from our history, which tells us that a movement that appeals to the noblest and most generous instincts of our fellow Americans -- and that is based on a sacred promise enshrined in our founding document that this movement will not fail," Bush said.

© 2005 The Washington Post Company

Once again, I must paraphrase George Carlin: "Christian Republicans talk about every life being sacred. Every life is sacred! Every life is sacred! That is, before birth. Once you're born, they don't want to have anything to do with you until you're eighteen. Then they want to send you off to war to die."

Those Crazy Kids!

In other news on The Smoking Gun, this sidesplitting little tidbit (I'm sorry, the very first sentence and the very last sentence, both made me laugh OUT LOUD):

JANUARY 19-Sydney Simpson, the 19-year-old daughter of O.J. Simpson, the acquitted murderer, was arrested Saturday following a tangle with Florida cops. According to the below Miami Police Department report, officers responded to Ransom Everglades School after getting a call about a fight occurring after a varsity basketball game. Simpson, who was at the game watching her alma mater Gulliver Prep, allegedly yelled and cursed at cops, who asked her three times to calm down. When she refused, Simpson was arrested for disorderly conduct. When she slapped at an officer's hand, Simpson, a Boston University freshman, earned herself a resisting arrest charge, which carries a maximum jail term of one year (the discon count could cost her up to 60 days in the can). Things could have been worse, though, since two teenage girls told cops that Simpson struck them in the face during the post-game scrum. However, both girls declined to press battery charges. (docs. attached).

Do you think, perhaps, those girls think pressing charges just *might* be more trouble than it's worth? Haha.

On another note, TSG publishes not the complaints that people made to the FCC regarding the Nicolette Sheraton towel-drop, but the complaints that people made about the people who made complaints! What could be better? This one had me rolling. Obviously, dude can't spell so good, but he's got heart, and he makes a damn good point!

But I couldn't publish this entry without mentioning the sheriff who has a thing for pink.

JANUARY 14--The Arizona sheriff who makes inmates wear pink boxer shorts and sleep on pink bed sheets has introduced a new item in his girlish inventory: fluorescent pink handcuffs. Maricopa County Sheriff Joe Arpaio's deputies will place the new pink cuffs on inmates during transport. The controversial Arpaio--who never misses a chance to degrade prisoners--claims that he actually ordered 1000 sets of the pink restraints as part of an inventory control plan.

Now that's a torture tactic I can support. Not that there's anything wrong with pink. I looove pink.

A Job Well Done

You really HAVE to love The Smoking Gun. A lot of the time they're the first to break the biggest news, because they get the actual documentation for every single story and they also have the wryest humor with regard to their postings. That's more than you can say about a lot of "news sources." I've been a loyal TSG reader for a couple years now, so of course, I heard immediately as soon as this sexual harassment lawsuit was filed recently against Bill O'Reilly (and QUICKLY settled, if I do say so myself!). Apparently, O'Reilly isn't fond of news sources that would actually dare to publish a full copy of the complaint filed against him. (He would much prefer Fox News's style of vague, half-assed reporting). I guess it would suck to have every blogger on the internet linking to that stark black and white lawsuit detailing just exactly what a sick, rotten son-of-a-bitch you are. (Whether or not her story is true is moot, we already know he's a sick, rotten son-of-a-bitch and that lawsuit was nothing more than a deeply satisfying kind of public retribution - call it a kick in the ass, very similar to the one Rush Limbaugh got - for his arrogant, self righteous shtick that most of us have been subjected to at one time or another). Ha! God does work in mysterious ways.

But Bill O'Reilly should know better than to carry a grudge against TSG for breaking out the public court records. They're just doin' their jobs after all, right Bill? Just like you're just doing your job when you sit up there in that little box with that little noose tied around your neck talkin' shit about everybody else under the sun. In fact, I'll bet you've probably even railed on Michael Jackson or any other person who you think deserved a few whacks, more than once yourself haven't ya Loofah-Mits? And you talk about other people perpetuating "nasty talk?" That's a laugh! Coming from the apparent King of Nasty Talk. Bill O'Reilly gives Howard Stern a run for his money. At least Howard comes out and admits that he's a perv. Bill O'Reilly pretends he has some license to verbally pound other people's faces in, but he doesn't like it when someone gives him a little taste of what it's like to feel degraded, belittled and publicly humiliated.

I saw you in Outfoxed, Bill O'Reilly. I saw you questioning that kid whose father died in the World Trade Center on September 11. You questioned him about his political views. I saw you berate him and tell him to "SHUT UP" over and over and over again when he politely disagreed with you. He sat there, patiently, tried hard not to allow you to stir him with your lambasting. I have never seen anyone treat a guest so horrendously on television in my life as you did there, granted I was raised without television, but I sincerely never thought that was the way a television host would communicate with someone who has been invited to their show. That's like luring someone into a dark alley way and then kicking the shit out of them, isn't it Bill O'Reilly? Did someone do that to you? Why do you do it to others?

So I give The Smoking Gun two high fives for blowing up that motherfucker's spot, for pissing him off and sending him this Christmas gift, AND for doing their job, the way the job should rightly be done.

Top Five

5. Snuggling with Rob and Matilda, watching Golden Globes rerun.

4. Eating yummy leftovers with cold Corona.

3. Taking a walk to the store in the snow for a couple necessities. (BEE-UTIFUL!)

2. Registering for SAT and classroom study course!

1. Making s'mores in my kitchen at 1 a.m. Oh. So. Good.

Say Hello to the Blizzard of 2005

Oh Baby.

According to the news, we're looking at between 15 and 24 inches of snow before noon tomorrow, but it seems to have petered out for now at several inches. We'll see what really happens. Luckily I am at one of the southernmost points of Brooklyn, so we may get a little less than other boroughs.

Not to be Missed

So here's the second famed recipe from Rachel Ray's 30-Minute Meals cookbook that turned out amazing:

"You-Won't-Be-Single-For-Long Vodka Cream Pasta"

1 tablspn extra-virgin olive oil
1 tblspn butter
2 garlic cloves, minced
2 shallots, minced
1 cup vodka
1 cup chicken stock
1 can (28 oz.) crushed tomatoes
salt and pepper
1/2 cup heavy cream
12 oz. pasta, such as penne rigate
20 leaves fresh basil, shredded or torn
Crusty bread

Put large pot of salted water on to boil.

Heat a large skillet over moderate heat. Add oil, butter, garlic and shallots. Gently saute garlic and shallots, 3 to 5 minutes to develop their sweetness. Add vodka. reduce vodka by half, 2 or 3 minutes. Add chicken stock and tomatoes. Bring sauce to a bubble, then reduce heat to simmer. Season with salt and pepper.

While sauce simmers, cook pasta in salted boiling water until al dente, a bit firm to the bite. While pasta cooks, prepare your salad or other side dishes.

Stir cream into the vodka sauce. When sauce returns to a bubble, remove from heat. Drain pasta. Toss hot pasta with sauce and basil leaves. Serve immediately, along with crusty bread. (Really terrific with a spoonful of parm on top.)

Edibles

I got an invitation to participate in the "Carnival of Recipes" from this woman who I once had a slight email altercation with after she came over here by way of some slithery path. She played the passive aggressive card, thus the inclusion of my email address in her group email. (???) I don't get people sometimes.

Anyway. I wasn't going to post a recipe on my site, but the last two nights in a row I have made meals that blew both mine and Rob's socks off. And I felt like I needed to share those two recipes with you guys. It's not fair to keep them to myself. Now, these aren't my recipes and they aren't my grandma's or great grandma's handed down for generations. I found them in a cookbook that Rob gave me for Christmas by one of my favorite celebrity cooks, Rachel Ray. It's called "30 Minute Meals 2" and it is full of great, easy, healthy recipes.

I made this Chicken Kiev last night, but I subbed in basil, oregano and sage for chives and dill, because that's what was in my fridge. It gave it a whole different flavor than the original recipe would have had, but it was heavenly and completely melted in our mouths.

Chicken Kiev (Maria's twist on Rachel Ray's)

Vegetable oil, for frying
4 pieces boneless, skinless chicken breasts (6 to 8 oz. each) or thin-cut chicken cutlets.
1 clove garlic, finely chopped
a handful of shredded basil (about 2 tblspns.)
a handful of fresh parsley, finely chopped (about 2 tblspns.)
1 tblspn oregano
a good dusting of dried sage
6 tblspns chilled butter
1 cup flour
2 eggs
1 cup unseasoned bread crumbs
wedge of lemon
salt and fresh ground pepper
toothpicks

Add 1&1/2 inches of vegetable oil to large skillet. Oil must reach 360°F for frying.

On work surface covered with waxed paper, lay out chicken breasts. To butterfly small breasts, place on cutting board. Cover with one hand, and with a sharp knife make a lateral cut from one side of the breast almost to the other and open it up like a book. (Thin-cut 6 ounce breasts may just be placed on wax paper, covered witha second sheet, and pounded out to 1/4-inch thickness with a mallet, being careful not to tear the meat.) Roll up breasts and set aside.

Combine chopped garlic and herbs in a small bowl. Cut cold butter into 4 equal pieces and coat each piece liberally with the herb garlic mix.

In 3 disposable pie tins: set out flour in first, eggs beaten with a splash of cold water in second, and bread crumbs in the third. Unroll chcken, squeeze a lemon wedge over it, and season with salt and pepper. Place an herbed butter pat on each piece of chicken, roll up tightly, and secure with a toothpick. Roll stuffed breasts in flour, then egg, then bread crumbs.

Fry the Kiev bundles 7 to 8 minutes on each side until a deep golden brown all over.

I served this with baby spinach salad and bread.

Squid

Note: This entry has been modified from its original version.

I have a total fascination with the Ocean. Water in general, actually. When I was four, I saw the ocean for the first time when we moved to California, and I'll never forget the connection I made. A lifelong love for the beach and everything that comes with it. Rocks, sand, cliffs, waves, the sounds, the smells, the constant rythm, the endless expanse, the curve of the horizon, the mystery of what's out there. I love the feeling of beach towns. Laid back, happy go lucky, an all around feeling of content (until tsunamis, mudslides, hurricanes and monsoons enter the picture). I think that a sense of awe about what the ocean holds is something most people develop in childhood and the mystery only seems greater the older you get. I always loved the idea of there being a whole other world beneath the sea where things happen with as much significance as those things that occur on land. The idea of a hidden Atlantis and other lost treasures is something that captivates many people to this day, while the full scope of marine life is one of the greatest mysteries of all. No doubt, as great as the mysteries of outerspace. I love knowing that these incredible beings still inhabit the waters of Earth. Great gigantic tortoises and turtles, massive whales, giant squids...I love knowing that there is intelligent life down there and that there are places that humans can't yet reach (though I imagine those places are desperately few).

It makes me very sad that the ocean is treated as a dumping ground for chemicals, waste, oil spills and general pollution. Humans are such destroyers. We can't seem to help ourselves. When I think about the abuse that we heap on our oceans, it makes me ashamed of all the times in my life that I have littered or not done my part as a human being to respect the earth that I tread on a daily basis.

I am by no means an exemplary environmentalist. (My friend Darcie on the other hand, is an excellent environmentalist and I aspire to be more like her). We could all do more to preserve the environment. And we could all stand to care a little more about the life that exists beneath the surface of the water which envelopes most of the earth. It's true that it's not the first natural inclination of humans to be conscientious about waste or environmental preservation, but we do want to make sure this earth will be viable for future generations, and help other species to continue to exist as well.

I read this article in reuters today that was a little depressing to me (aren't ya glad I'm gonna share it with you ;o)?:

Giant Squids Wash Ashore

LOS ANGELES (Reuters) - Hundreds of jumbo squid washed up dead over the last two days in one of southern California's most popular beach communities, authorities said on Thursday.

The Newport Beach Fire Department said some 500 squid, measuring roughly five feet and weighing about 10 to 15 pounds each, added to the tons of debris already littering local beaches after recent heavy rains.

"I think that they were probably chasing some bait or some prey at high tide and just swam too close to the beach," said Eric Bauer, a lifeguard captain with the fire department in the coastal city 45 miles southeast of Los Angeles.

Southern California was battered by heavy storms in late December and early January, dumping more rain in the space of a few days than the area usually gets in a year. City officials said the water locally was dirtier than usual at the moment, in part because of the storms.

Bauer said regular squid sightings were not uncommon but added the jumbos looked "extra-terrestrial."

Newport Beach's squid problem is the latest in a string of cases of the sea creatures washing up dead on Pacific beaches. More than 1,000 were found in southwest Washington state last October and they inundated the San Diego area in mid-2002.

© Reuters 2005

I sure hope this is a natural occurence and that there's not a more worrisome reason why they are dropping dead in droves...I assume it is just a result of ecological phenomenon?

Latest on Site Administration

Oops! I just deleted my last entry accidentally!

Hate it when that happens. So I installed MT Blacklist yesterday and Geoffrey has spent the entire morning trying to post comments. Running down his teeny tiny little vocabulary.

So far this morning Geoffrey has forged comments under the following names:

mine
Cul's
RAWdeal's (extensively)
RGE's
and Vickie's.

When posting, you may find that certain words will not be accepted. MT Blacklist bans certain words, phrases and URLs, rather than the old IP banning which has been rendered completely useless by stalkers who use proxies. I trust that my regular readers are far more intelligent than Geoffrey and will find that they can post whatever they need or want to.

If you try to enter a comment and you receive an error message, this is the reason. I have not banned anyone except for Geoffrey and Gordon, so for others who might receive this message, please know that it is not because of something you have done, aside from the wording of your post.

Geoffrey has devoted his entire morning to trying to get just one little comment through. It's really entertaining. I feel like Dr. Evil in Austin Powers II with the whole bag of "shushes" with Geoffrey's name on it. Hahaaa!!! I'll never cease to be amazed by how much time that guy has on his hands or how demented he is while being completely unaware of how stupid he looks.

Peace and a higher level of discourse will ultimately prevail.

Recommended Treatment: Psychotherapy

Got it back but comments left previously are gone due to a little mishap! Thanks for all the nice things Sandy, Richard and Cul.

Please forgive the closed threads. I have a sociopathic stalker who needs to be extinguished before I can proceed with open comments. Hopefully, this little problem will be resolved quite soon.

It's very unfortunate that some people are so desperate to smear their proverbial feces all over walls to make their presence known. Smearing feces is undoubtedly indicative of mental illness, and being unable to cope with rejection is a sign of profound weakness. This person has a weak little core, which, when cracked open, reveals a tiny, squirming, screeching demon seed.

For anyone who doesn't already realize that dogsnot is a hell realm unto itself - one which should only be visited the way that you visit the crocodile den at the zoo: to point and whisper about how ugly and scary it is - FYI: those people who operate that "blog" (theirs is actually a "bog," someone accidentally added an 'L' but it shouldn't be there) are not only the most acrid characters imagineable, but Geoffrey appears to be a sincerely unstable individual with the capacity to stalk those who halt his comments. The strangest part is that his comments have no meaning. They don't have a point. He doesn't even know what he's talking about anymore. He just projects himself, that's all. His words have no basis or substance and they don't relate to anything that has occurred. "Maria's a liar." What does this relate to? What did I lie about? It's not worth concerning yourself with these questions, because he doesn't even know. He's parroting the things that have been said to him. It's that whole cycle of abuse thing.

He has this thing where if you delete a comment, he'll post it again and again and again. He'll post it in every open thread if he has to. It's like a little tiny child screaming bloody murder because he pooped his pants and no one will change him. It's a desperate attempt to be noticed. Except I would take pity on a child. It's Geoffrey's way of throwing a little tantrum and saying "I'll post a comment if I want to, and you can't do shit about it." Well, up to this point, that has been true. I have no registration process, no login required, no comment review or spam blocker software. I have given this individual and others the benefit of commenting freely (only to be moderated occasionally, when I have the time or inclination). It amazes me how when a person has an abusive personality, it manifests itself in myriad ways.

He's not trying to start a fight. He doesn't want his victims to be able to fight back. He wants to incapacitate them, because he's a pussy and he would rather kick someone who was down than duel someone who had equal footing. He's a coward. A sad little abuser.

I feel very sorry for Geoffrey's girlfriend or fiance or whatever she is. I have no doubt that if he ever does take a break from stalking my blog and smearing his feces all over the internet, he probably hits her. I am not saying that facetiously and I'm not smiling when I say it. I truly fear for the well being of any woman who would have to be subjected to his tantrums and apparent rage issues.

Anyway, I do hope he seeks some help. In the meantime, if all goes according to plan, I should be up and running normally this evening, sans the psycho.

Update: I think I've got it taken care of.

Nonsense

It's a comfy 14 degrees outside today. It was 11 degrees when I left the house at 7:30 this morning.

I work with one particular attorney who hates nothing more than to hear others complain about the weather. He says to me today "I don't understand...why...when people know that winter is sometimes wet, sometimes cold, sometimes windy...why they still complain about it - as if they didn't expect it." I said "for the same reason that people complain that they have to get up early, even though they've been doing it their entire lives." Knowing that an unpleasant thing is going to happen doesn't make it any more pleasant when it actually does happen. Nothing can ever prepare you enough for something that is going to suck.

And let me tell you, in case you happen to live in Arizona or Los Angeles or Florida, how VERY unpleasant 11 degrees is, since I know that you folks don't know anything about it. I grew up my entire life on the west coast, and even in the coldest places I've been in Oregon, I don't think I ever felt 11 degrees. I'm sure to those in Siberia or Alaska, or even Canada, 11 degrees is laughably warm. But for me, still a newcomer to the east coast, it is not okay for it to be this cold outside. It is an inhuman cruelty of nature. And it's not even 0 yet.

My friends here at work tell me that the midwest is seeing record lows. Something like 45-50 below zero??? NO. How do people live in that? It's no wonder all those states are so conservative leaning! I'd be a bastard too if I had to endure that kind of cold.

Speaking of the other states, I glanced over at a paper that someone was reading on the train to see this little blurb:

NEW BID TO MAKE CITY 51ST STATE

...A bill that would create a commission to study whether the city should secede from New York state will get another hearing soon — after sitting in the City Council for nearly two years.

Would it be too much to ask if we could secede from the rest of the country too? We're already on an island! Oh shoot, I forgot, most of the rest of the U.S. couldn't survive without New York's federal tax dollars! Silly me. *Sigh* I guess it's better to be a part of the U.S. than separate from it anyway. I'm sure Bush would waste no time in adding us to his axis of evil.

Night On The Town

On Friday night I went to see a show called Election Day - The Musical. My friend Jen Katz is one of the cast. She's a really funny woman and plays a couple characters: a secret service agent, the wife of a foreign diplomat (of a make-believe country whose name escapes me at the moment) and an ensemble cast member.

If you happen to live in New York, you should check it out at the American Theatre of Actors on West 54th Street. The score was excellent. The songs and performances were hilarious and well executed. There were a lot of great voices. The story line was, of course, centered around election day. Bits and pieces were taken from real life politics and thrown in to create a fictional presidential race with many familiar themes. For example, the sitting President vying for another term is a tall, dark, handsome character who has a presumably uncontrollable weakness for nubile interns. His opponent is a happy-go-lucky cowboy who has a lovable sort of stupidity about him and is totally clueless to the dirty, scheming ways of his Karl Rovesque chief campaign strategist, a lifelong computer geek/genius who ultimately spins out of control with greed and a desire to be the cowboy's puppet master, ruthlessly sabotaging the President's campaign to try and get his guy into the whitehouse. Of course, it backfires. Hilarity and theatrical song-singing ensues.

After it was over I went with Jen and the cast and a couple of co-workers to Bar 9 and we stayed there til two-thirty in the morning. I discovered something at the deli, new and exciting (to me) called "Chimes." (I'm sure everyone else has heard of this and I am just a Johnny-come-lately on the trend). They are chewy little ginger candies, individually wrapped and stuffed inside the cutest little tin box I've ever seen. Did you guys know about this and forget to tell me? I loooove them. I hate gum. Because it never goes away. You just chew it until all the taste is gone and then it becomes this hideous gob in your mouth that you have to get rid of immediately. Some people get rid of it by throwing it on the subway platform and then I step on it and curse them with a vengeance. And then there is the problem of those who don't know how to chew gum without sounding like a cow because no one ever told them they're supposed to close their mouth when they chew. Gum is more trouble than it's worth. So anyway, that's why I love chewy candy, because it keeps you occupied for awhile and then you swallow it before you sap every last drop of flavor out of it. But chewy GINGER candy? I am seriously considering buying up a lifetime supply.

Do you wanna hear something else really funny that happened on Friday night? My friend Anya and I were on the E train on our way to this Japanese restaurant where we were going for dinner/happy hour/barside kareoke before heading off to see Election Day. Anyway, the train was really packed. I hate taking that train because it's always like that. So when we got to the 7th Avenue stop and needed to get off, this huge guy who was standing in front of the door refused to step off onto the platform to allow others to disembark. There's a chorus of "excuse me's," but he refuses to budge. This guy is well over six feet tall, a big stuffed suit and has the physical demeanor of a brick wall. I tried to squeeze through but there was no give. He was solid as a rock. As I pushed to get past him I glanced up and said "you know it would help if you could step off the train in the future." He placed his hand on the middle of my back and gave me a nice HARD shove OFF the train and onto the platform. My mind spun around as did my body. I did a 180 degree turn, raised my handbag AND UMBRELLA all the way up and clocked him in the head with it with all my might. Not a thought went through my head. The last time I remember feeling that way was when I punched out Travis Hubca in the 11th grade. It was pure instinct. The guy was absolutely stunned. I had hit him hard. The connection was clean and the impact dead on. I was amazed that I hadn't touched a single other person in the process. I looked right at him and said "Do not ever push me. I will FUCK you up." Anya was still trying to squeeze out past him before the doors shut. He never uttered a word, but the look of total shock on his face gave me a great deal of satisfaction. Anya squeezed out, the doors closed and the train took off.

The moral of this story. Hahaa! There isn't one. I'm sorry. It was just too good not to memorialize. Ain't no big, hotheaded NY business man gonna push ME around.

Could Not be Better Said

In the comments of an earlier thread, my dad posted a great comment plus this dynamite poem by Carl Sandburg. I felt his comments and the Sandburg poem deserved a place of their own on this blog.

Bush's inauguration is a military display disguised as security, and an affront to ordinary people of extraordinary magnitude. This insult comes complete with sharpshooters patrolling above the crowds, and security squads evicting people from their own homes and offices on the flimsy excuse that they overlook the parade route! My papa liked to read poetry aloud, and often did so on visiting Sundays when he came to see me out at the Catholic military school where I was interned for three years. He particularly liked this poem by Carl Sandburg, and could read it with real style. Please do read it aloud to someone and revel in the feeling it inspires. Just check out these rhymes:

"Two kaisers backed by ten million bayonets
Had their crowns in the gutter, their palaces mobbed,
In fire, chaos, shadow,
In hurricanes beyond foretelling..."

The gusto my father put into reading this poem epitomized the spirit that was in him, of loving people, of wanting them to prosper and do well, and of knowing that they are just not smart enough. I loved the poem with very little depth of understanding of the concepts involved, and with much fascination with the striding rhythm, the shocking images shot in lightning flashes, the rhythm as of many people marching together. This poem is worth reading over and over, so I commend it to you with much love as an antidote to the seasickness that afflicts one when witnessing something as luridly self-indulgent as this horrific inauguration folly. Mark my words -- the end is nigh.

The People Speak by Carl Sandburg

The people, yes, the people,
Until the people are taken care of one way or another,
Until the people are solved somehow for the day and hour,
Until then one hears " Yes but the people what about the people? "
Sometimes as though the people is a child to be pleased or fed
Or again a hoodlum you have to be tough with
And seldom as though the people is a caldron and a reservoir
Of the human reserves that shape history. . . .

Fire, chaos, shadows,
Events trickling from a thin line of flame
On into cries and combustions never expected.
The people have the element of surprise. . . .

" The czar has eight million men with guns and bayonets
Nothing can happen to the czar.
The czar is the voice of God and shall live forever.
Turn and look at the forest of steel and cannon
Where the czar is guarded by eight million soldiers.
Nothing can happen to the czar."

They said that for years and in the summer of 1914,
As a portent and an assurance they said with owl faces:
" Nothing can happen to the czar,"
Yet the czar and his bodyguard of eight million vanished
And the czar stood in a cellar before a little firing squad
And the command of fire was given
And the czar stepped into regions of mist and ice
The czar traveled into an ethereal uncharted siberia
While two kaisers also vanished from thrones
Ancient and established in blood and iron
Two kaisers backed by ten million bayonets
Had their crowns in a gutter, their palaces mobbed.
In fire, chaos, shadows,
In hurricanes beyond foretelling of probabilities
In the shove and whirl of unforeseen combustions
The people, yes, the people,
Move eternally in the elements of surprise,
Changing from hammer to bayonet and back to hammer,
The hallelujah chorus forever shifting its star soloists.

The people learn, unlearn, learn,
a builder, a wrecker, a builder again,
a juggler of shifting puppets.
In so few eyeblinks
In transition lightning streaks,
the people project midgets into giants,
the people shrink titans into dwarfs

Faiths blow on the winds
and become shibboleths
and deep growths
with men ready to die
for a living word on the tongue,
for a light alive in the bones,
for dreams fluttering in the wrists. ...

Sleep is a suspension midway
and a conundrum of shadows
lost in meadows of the moon.
The people sleep.

Ai! ai! the people sleep.
Yet the sleepers toss in sleep
and an end comes of sleep
and the sleepers wake.
Ai! ai! the sleepers wake! . . .

The storm of propaganda blows always.
In every air of today the germs float and hover.
The people have the say-so.
Let the argument go on.
Let the people listen.

Tomorrow the people say Yes or No by one question:
" What else can be done? "
In the drive of faiths on the wind today the people know:
" We have come this far and we are going farther yet" ...

The people will live on.
The learning and blundering people will live on.
They will be tricked and sold and again sold
And go back to the nourishing earth for rootholds,
The people so peculiar in renewal and comeback,
You can't laugh off their capacity to take it.
The mammoth rests between his cyclonic dramas. ...

The people is a tragic and comic two-face:
hero and hoodlum: phantom and gorilla twist-
ing to moan with a gargoyle mouth: " They
buy me and sell me. ..it's a game. ..
sometime I'll break loose. .,"

Now the steel mill sky is alive.
The fire breaks white and zigzag
shot on a gun-metal gloaming.
Man is a long time coming.
Man will yet win.
Brother the earth over may yet line up with brother:

This old anvil -the people, yes
This old anvil laughs at many broken hammers.
There are men who can't be bought.
There are women beyond purchase.
The fire born are at home in fire.
The stars make no noise.
You can't hinder the wind from blowing.
Time is a great teacher .
Who can live without hope?

In the darkness with a great bundle of grief
the people march.
In the night, and overhead a shovel of stars for
keeps, the people march:
" Where to? what next?
Where to? what next?"

He went on in a subseqent post to say:

Constitutional government is founded upon the complete elimination of all distinctions between the nobility and the rest of us. The Constitution of the United States, Article I, Section 9, provides:

No Title of Nobility shall be granted by the United States: And no Person holding any Office of Profit or Trust under them, shall, without the Consent of the Congress, accept of any present Emolument, Office, or Title, or any kind whatever, from any King, Prince, or foreign State.

Now excuse me, but there can be only one reason for someone to be given an incredible ass-kissing ego-boost of this type, in the course of which he will receive millions of dollars in donations from people who seek to curry favor with him, and advantage for their friends and relations, while taxpayers foot the bill. As the article from the NYT explains, the poor, overtaxed, abused citizens of Washington D.C. will have to fund over $17 Million dollars of this latter-day Napoleonic orgy of self-adulation. There is only one reason to go overboard like this -- because Bush is crowning himself King. Read it and weep, ladies and gentlemen. Democracy is dead, and there isn't even a democrat left to identify the corpse.

But after you read the news, you should read the old. Carl Sandburg's poem "The People Speak" is a reminder that even when "the czar has eight million men with guns and bayonets," still, the people can change the course of history, sending the czar and his family to their own private Siberia, turning the palaces of the ruling class into the random galleries of chaos. The poem is quoted in full above. Read it out loud to a friend, to a coffeehouse, to a crowd, to a mob, if you can find one!

Posted by: Charles Carreon at January 15, 2005 06:38 PM

Cruel World

Do you ever open up the newspaper in the morning and think what a screwed up world it is?

Today was one of those days. Here are some of the headlines:

Union Pacific Railroad Cars in Nevada lie on their sides yesterday after falling off rails that gave way during flooding...

Malaria Could Kill 100,000 - Heavy rains are creating ideal conditions for mosquito breeding

Aide to Top Shiite Cleric Gunned Down

Search Ends for Victims of California Mudslide

Seven Killed at Gaza Checkpoint

Iraq New Terror Breeding Ground
War Created Haven, CIA Advisers Report

President Bush has frequently described the Iraq war as an integral part of U.S. efforts to combat terrorism. But the council's report suggests the conflict has also helped terrorists by creating a haven for them in the chaos of war.

Bush Plans Sharp Cuts in HUD Community Efforts

The White House will seek to drastically shrink the department's $8 billion community branch, purging dozens of economic development projects, scrapping a rural housing program and folding high-profile anti-poverty efforts into the Labor and Commerce departments.

There was one little ray of sunshine in the paper this morning though:

Evolution Stickers Ordered Removed

Atlanta - A federal judge yesterday ordered a suburban Atlanta school system to remove stickers from its high school biology textbooks that call evolution "a theory, not a fact," saying the disclaimers are an unconstitutional endorsements of religion. "By denigrating evolution, the school board appears to be endorsing the well-known prevailing alternative theory, creationism or variations thereof, even though the sticker does nto specifically reference any alternative theories," U.S. District Judge Clarence Cooper said. The stickers were put insisde the books' front covers by public school officials in 2002. - Metro NY

Those damn activist judges trying to legislate their reality based views on the good god fearing people of Atlanta! It just breaks my little heart.

I Never Get Tired Of These

Nothing cheers me like Bushisms. The tears of laughter that this derelict has inspired with his foolheaded bungling of the English language are countless. He may not be a very good president, but he's good for a laugh.

Here you can check out quotes (and video footage!) of the 50 dumbest things George Dubya said in his first term, including:

"It's a time of sorrow and sadness when we lose a loss of life." —George W. Bush, Washington, D.C., Dec. 21, 2004

"Justice ought to be fair." —George W. Bush, speaking at the White House Economic Conference, Washington, D.C., Dec. 15, 2004

"After standing on the stage, after the debates, I made it very plain, we will not have an all-volunteer army. And yet, this week — we will have an all-volunteer army!" —George W. Bush, Daytona Beach, Fla., Oct. 16, 2004

"I hear there's rumors on the Internets that we're going to have a draft." —George W. Bush, second presidential debate, St. Louis, Mo., Oct. 8, 2004

"The truth of that matter is, if you listen carefully, Saddam would still be in power if he were the president of the United States, and the world would be a lot better off." —George W. Bush, second presidential debate, St. Louis, Mo., Oct. 8, 2004

"When a drug comes in from Canada, I wanna make sure it cures ya, not kill ya... I've got an obligation to make sure our government does everything we can to protect you. And one — my worry is that it looks like it's from Canada, and it might be from a third world." —George W. Bush, second presidential debate, St. Louis, Mo., Oct. 8, 2004

"I own a timber company? That's news to me. Need some wood?" —George W. Bush, second presidential debate, St. Louis, Mo., Oct. 8, 2004

"Another example would be the Dred Scott case, which is where judges, years ago, said that the Constitution allowed slavery because of personal property rights. That's a personal opinion. That's not what the constitution says. The constitution of the United States says we're all — you know, it doesn't say that. It doesn't speak to the equality of America." —George W. Bush, second presidential debate, St. Louis, Mo., Oct. 8, 2004

"You know, it's hard work to try to love her as best as I can, knowing full well that the decision I made caused her loved one to be in harm's way." —George W. Bush, first presidential debate, Coral Gables, Fla., Sept. 30, 2004

(Yep, it sure is hard work to "try to love" the mothers of the soldiers who you senselessly sent to their deaths in Iraq! Sorry about that George. I'm sure the mothers of those soldiers appreciate how hard that is for you while they grieve for their dead children.)

"I think it's very important for the American President to mean what he says. That's why I understand that the enemy could misread what I say. That's why I try to be as clearly I can." —George W. Bush, Washington, D.C., Sept. 23, 2004

"It's the Afghan national army that went into Najaf and did the work there." —George W. Bush, referring to Iraqi troops during a joint press conference with Iraqi Prime Minister Ayad Allawi, Washington, D.C., Sept. 23, 2004

"Free societies are hopeful societies. And free societies will be allies against these hateful few who have no conscience, who kill at the whim of a hat." —George W. Bush, Washington, D.C., Sept. 17, 2004

"Too many good docs are getting out of the business. Too many OB-GYNs aren't able to practice their love with women all across this country." —George W. Bush, Poplar Bluff, Mo., Sept. 6, 2004

Okay Al Green, you love machine!

"We will make sure our troops have all that is necessary to complete their missions. That's why I went to the Congress last September and proposed fundamental — supplemental funding, which is money for armor and body parts and ammunition and fuel." —George W. Bush, Erie, Pa., Sept. 4, 2004

"Had we to do it over again, we would look at the consequences of catastrophic success, being so successful so fast that an enemy that should have surrendered or been done in escaped and lived to fight another day." —George W. Bush, telling Time magazine that he underestimated the Iraqi resistance

"I hope you leave here and walk out and say, 'What did he say?'" —George W. Bush, Beaverton, Oregon, Aug. 13, 2004

"So community colleges are accessible, they're available, they're affordable, and their curriculums don't get stuck. In other words, if there's a need for a certain kind of worker, I presume your curriculums evolved over time." —George W. Bush, Niceville, Fla., Aug. 10, 2004

"Let me put it to you bluntly. In a changing world, we want more people to have control over your own life." —George W. Bush, Annandale, Va, Aug. 9, 2004

"As you know, we don't have relationships with Iran. I mean, that's — ever since the late '70s, we have no contacts with them, and we've totally sanctioned them. In other words, there's no sanctions — you can't — we're out of sanctions." —George W. Bush, Annandale, Va, Aug. 9, 2004

"Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we." —George W. Bush, Washington, D.C., Aug. 5, 2004

'I don't know why you're talking about Sweden. They're the neutral one. They don't have an army.'' --George W. Bush, during an Oval Office meeting with Rep. Tom Lantos, as reported by the New York Times

"I mean, if you've ever been a governor of a state, you understand the vast potential of broadband technology, you understand how hard it is to make sure that physics, for example, is taught in every classroom in the state. It's difficult to do. It's, like, cost-prohibitive." —George W. Bush, Washington, D.C., June 24, 2004

"I want to thank my friend, Senator Bill Frist, for joining us today. You're doing a heck of a job. You cut your teeth here, right? That's where you started practicing? That's good. He married a Texas girl, I want you to know. Karyn is with us. A West Texas girl, just like me." —George W. Bush, Nashville, Tenn., May 27, 2004

"I'm honored to shake the hand of a brave Iraqi citizen who had his hand cut off by Saddam Hussein." —George W. Bush, Washington, D.C., May 25, 2004

"The march to war hurt the economy. Laura reminded me a while ago that remember what was on the TV screens — she calls me, 'George W.' — 'George W.' I call her, 'First Lady.' No, anyway — she said, we said, march to war on our TV screen." —George W. Bush, Bay Shore, New York, Mar. 11, 2004

Good grief. That doesn't even make me laugh. It just scares me. He is seriously not okay.

"God loves you, and I love you. And you can count on both of us as a powerful message that people who wonder about their future can hear." —George W. Bush, Los Angeles, Calif., March 3, 2004

"But the true strength of America is found in the hearts and souls of people like Travis, people who are willing to love their neighbor, just like they would like to love themselves." —George W. Bush, Springfield, Mo., Feb. 9, 2004

"We do know that Saddam Hussein had the intent and the capabilities to cause great harm. We know he was a great danger….What we don't know yet is what we thought and what the Iraqi Survey Group has found, and we want to look at that." —George W. Bush, Washington, D.C. Feb. 2, 2004

Um, actually Mr. President, he didn't have the capablities. Let's not forget that.

"More Muslims have died at the hands of killers than — I say more Muslims — a lot of Muslims have died — I don't know the exact count — at Istanbul. Look at these different places around the world where there's been tremendous death and destruction because killers kill." —George W. Bush, Washington, D.C., Jan. 29, 2004

"Then you wake up at the high school level and find out that the illiteracy level of our children are appalling." —George W. Bush, Washington, D.C., Jan. 23, 2004

"Just remember it's the birds that's supposed to suffer, not the hunter." —George W. Bush, advising quail hunter and New Mexico Sen. Pete Domenici, Roswell, N.M., Jan. 22, 2004

"For diplomacy to be effective, words must be credible, and no one can now doubt the word of America." —George W. Bush, State of the Union Address, Jan. 20, 2004

"I was a prisoner too, but for bad reasons." —George W. Bush, to Argentine President Nestor Kirchner, on being told that all but one of the Argentine delegates to a summit meeting were imprisoned during the military dictatorship, Monterrey, Mexico, Jan. 13, 2004

This guy is one of the most powerful people in the world? That is disturbing to me at the highest possible level. I can't wait for this second term!

Pervasive Mental Impairment

With no WMDs, was the invasion of Iraq a mistake?

63.9%
A. Yes (462 responses)

36.1%
B. No (261 responses)

723 total responses

Source AM NY web Poll.

I guess all it proves is that approximately 36.1% of those who responded are out to lunch.

Okay, so if Iraq doesn't have any WMDs (this isn't news by the way. Those of us in the reality based universe have known for years while Bush supporters screamed denials of "they WILL be found!" and "they already HAVE been found!!! If that one little sarin gas shell isn't WMD, then I don't know what is!!!" hahaaaaahahahaa), then why are we spending hundreds of millions of American tax dollars every single goddamn day to be there, fighting and killing and dying and accomplishing absolutely nothing other than the removal of Saddam (which was NOT the stated objective, and if it had been, Bush never would have garnered the support to go there)??? Why? Why is my money being spent in Iraq? Why is yours? Why, when that money could actually be put towards something useful and productive elsewhere? Something that doesn't involve people needlessly losing their lives and tax payers needlessly footing the gigantic bill? I'd like to hear the answer from the 261 people who responded "yes" to that poll.

Johnny-come-lately excuses that are worn out and insulting to the intelligence of every single person who witnessed the leadup to the invasion: To liberate the Iraqi people; to find and kill the terrorists who perpetrated 9/11; to protect us from an attack by the Iraqis.

That leaves only a few options: To oust Saddam (unfortunately, this was never provided as the basis for this war and is not an adequate justification); to get our hands on more middle eastern oil; to rally Americans behind George Bush when his approval ratings were in deep doo-doo; to funnel money to defense and oil contractors in the U.S.; to destabilize Iraq for the benefit of our allies in the middle east; all of the above with an emphasis on financial greed.

You know, come to think of it, I don't think there is a sufficient ethical justification for this war...please excuse the sarcasm. Those who feel that they can still find a way to justify it, and we know those numbers are many, should seriously take another look and ask themselves if it was really just a simple mistake that George Bush went ahead and relied on obviously fabricated evidence about WMDs in order to support his proposal for war. Was it a mistake that any president would make, even if their dad hadn't almost been killed by the dictator of the country in question? Was it a mistake that any president would make, even if he hadn't made it quite clear shortly after being inaugurated, that invading the country in question and ousting said dictator was a top priority?

Was it really just an innocent mistake that the forged document alleging that Iraq tried to buy yellow cake uranium, was not discovered (or rather, admitted) to be a fake until after it had already been used to prop up justification for the war? Was it really just a simple mistake that the president forged ahead and asserted this "misstatement" during his State of the Union address, even while the evidentiary document and the information held there itself was under serious scrutiny?

I find that very, very, verrrrry difficult to digest. Like swallowing a porcupine, difficult. A reasonable and logical human being would seriously have to force themself to believe a thing so patently unbelievable. Our president, who has access to some of the best intelligence technology and resources in the world, was unable to determine, with the help of his team of experts, that the document was fake before going public with it, despite the fact that later on experts stated that the document was so blatantly fake that it would have taken a very inexperienced person not to recognize it. That's not to mention Joseph Wilson's statement that he informed the CIA (who in turn informed the office of the President) that the allegations were false after he was sent as an envoy to investigate claims about yellow cake uranium in 2002 and that he found it unfathomable that the White House could not have had that information at the time of the State of the Union. George Bush forged ahead and made the statement in his SOU anyway, and thus deceived the American people into supporting the war.

I am going to give the 261 people who responded to the poll in AM NY with an affirmative, the benefit of the doubt that they are just not aware of the facts and are otherwise misinformed. Any other explanation for their belief that we did the right thing by invading Iraq would just be too painful.

Do we laugh or cry or say I told you so...?

Funniest unfunny AM NY Cover picture/story, ever. (Funny even if WMDs didn't have the unnecessary comma...oh well. Nothing's perfect.)

Reflection of a Bush Administration Mouthpiece

A poem by my dad's old law school buddy. The irony seems appropriate for some reason. Perhaps because for some, it's not ironic at all:

Alien Nation
By John Hayes

fags and fuckups
the streets are filled
with dark devils mumbling some naughty shit
and whores in short skirts
god, goddamn, where is god anymore
(I’m sure he’s really pissed at all of this)
what happened to good white Americans
who respected the law and flag
and who didn’t talk loud or be violent,
who talked about stocks and lawns (well manicured)
these fags and fuckups should be put in stocks, hah!

Note: I was so tired when posting this last night that I forgot to mention that this poem was published in Fin De Siecle, the first of a series of publications that my dad and a couple of friends put together at UCLA law school when I was just a little kid. My dad tells the bio of that publication here and more of his very own poetry (and some by my mom and brother too!) can be read here.

Best Friends Forever

Kat and I went to the ice skating rink in Central Park tonight after work. We met at Cassidy's and had a drink right across the street from my old job before heading up the block to the park. It felt odd to be in that neighborhood where I used to work, since I rarely go there, even though it's really only several blocks from where I work now. That was where my life in New York began, and so many memories of that beginning came rushing back to me when we were there tonight. My first job in NY. The big LOVE sculpture on the corner. The Ziegfeld Theatre. Klein's Deli. I met my boyfriend there in front of 1350 Avenue of the Americas more than three years ago. So much happened there in that neighborhood in midtown. The familiarity of it all felt strangely overwhelming. Sometimes all it takes is being back in a certain place to make you reflect on the time that has passed since the last time you were there and all of the memories that you keep of that place.

We walked down through the park to the rink, and when we got there I noticed that Donald Trump's name was everywhere. I guess he has owned Wollman Rink for a long time, but his name wasn't quite as visible until he got his TV show I guess. I never noticed it when I've been there in the past. They have taken every last scrap of Wollman Rink merchandise out of the gift shop and replaced it all with Donald Trump merchandise. They had Donald Trump dolls. They had t-shirts, sweaters, hats and mugs that said "You're Fired" on them. Even the rental skates had "Trump" scribbled on the bottoms. That was kind of annoying. That everywhere you looked you had to see his face or his name. The Donald. What a creepy character that guy is. But shit, it's the only ice skating rink in NYC really worth going to so what are you going to do?

The weather was perfect for skating. Unfortunately, it was foggy so the view was not as spectacular as when it's clear, but it was probably the clouds that were keeping us warm on the ice. Kathleen is an amazing ice skater. She competed professionally for about eight years before I met her, and watching her has always been mesmerizing to me. She drifts on the ice as if she has wings. It's effortless. Every agile little step, her figure eights, her spins, her jumps, it's all smooth and artful. I always feel proud to be skating with her.

She's so nice to me. As long as I've known her, when we skate together she tells me what a great skater I am. But I just laugh and feel ridiculous because compared to the grace and ease with which she skates I feel like a fumbler. Other people on the ice stop to watch her as she takes a leap or twirls like a top until you can't imagine how her head must be spinning inside. It's a special occasion when we skate together.

Kathleen and I met in Oregon when we were teenagers and quickly discovered that we'd both grown up in California. Her mother actually briefly lived in the same apartment building in Brentwood that I lived in as a child. Another thing we found out we had in common was that we'd both skated in the same ice skating rink in Culver City. My admiration of her talent and skill for skating, and our mutual love of the sport itself, has always been a tight thread in our bond as friends. I'm really glad we went together tonight.

We rode the F[uck] train home and talked about what good (and bad) books we were reading lately and whatever else was on our minds. The time always seems to fly by when I am looking into her face and we are sharing thoughts without deliberating a moment.

Kathleen and I were inseparable as teenagers and we really went our separate ways after highschool, but always stayed closely in touch through the years. The fact that both of us live in NY now is partly just incredible luck, and partly really auspicious planning. But it's the best thing I could ever imagine and at least meets if not exceeds the expectations that we had as teens of being close friends all the way into our adulthood. Sometimes you say things and they don't really turn out. And sometimes you say that one day you're going to float to Australia together in a sailboat and you end up instead in New York City.

Last night I went over to her house and she made us dinner and we listened to the Tex and the Horseheads "Life's So Cool" album that my dad gave me for Christmas. It felt funny to take a cab over to her place with the vinyl album tucked under my arm the whole time, feeling anticipation. And then to listen to it excitedly on the record player while sipping glasses of pink wine and talking whatever shit came to mind. No one has record players anymore. Kathleen does. That album is a classic from when I was growing up and it was really special that my dad gave it to me. I haven't listened to it in at least ten years and it was so great. Just as good as I'd remembered it. We listened to the whole album twice. Kathleen is one of the few people who will share in my excitement about things like that. Sometimes I don't know what I'd do without that girl...(that's her with me up there in the blog header).

If you've never listened to Tex and the Horseheads, happen to enjoy punk music, and have access to an obscure selection, I would strongly suggest giving it a listen. A good soundtrack for a great time.

Scrap It?

Back on the social security subject, there was an interesting article in the Washington Post today:

In GOP, Resistance On Social Security
Bush Plan Raises Fear of Voter Anger

By Jim VandeHei and Mike Allen
Washington Post Staff Writers

Many Republicans are expressing reservations about the political wisdom of President Bush's vision for restructuring Social Security, as the White House today intensifies its campaign to restructure the entitlement program for the retired and disabled.

Bush, who relishes challenging the conventional wisdoms of Washington, has privately counseled Republicans that partially privatizing Social Security will be a boon for the GOP and has urged skeptics to hold fire until he builds a public case for change. But several influential Republicans are warning that Bush's plan could backfire on the party in next year's elections, especially if the plan includes cuts in benefits.

Most alarming to White House officials, some congressional Republicans are panning the president's plan -- even before it is unveiled. "Why stir up a political hornet's nest . . . when there is no urgency?" said Rep. Rob Simmons (Conn.), who represents a competitive district. "When does the program go belly up? 2042. I will be dead by then."

Simmons said there is no way he will support Bush's idea of allowing younger Americans to divert some of their payroll taxes into private accounts, especially when there are more pressing needs, such as shoring up Medicare and providing armor to U.S. troops in Iraq.

Rep. Jack Kingston (Ga.), a member of the GOP leadership, said 15 to 20 House Republicans agree with Simmons, although others say the number is closer to 40. "Just convincing our guys not to be timid is going to be a big struggle," he said. "It's going to take a lot of convincing," which he said can be done.

"The politics of this are brutal," one senior GOP leadership aide said, adding that the White House has yet to convince most House members that the "third rail" of American politics is somehow safe.

Outside Congress, several party activists are sounding similar alarms after word spread last week that Bush is planning to reduce future benefits as part of the restructuring. Former House speaker Newt Gingrich (Ga.) is warning that Republicans could lose their 10-year House majority if the White House follows through with that proposal.

William Kristol, editor of the conservative Weekly Standard, is challenging the president's assertions that Social Security is in crisis and that Republicans will be rewarded for fixing it. Republicans are privately "bewildered why this is such a White House priority," he said. "I am a skeptic politically and a little bit substantively."

With all but a few congressional Democrats opposed to Bush's plan for private Social Security accounts, the president's ability to win over these GOP skeptics will determine whether he can accomplish his top domestic priority for the second term, White House and congressional officials said.

"This is the toughest political fight the president has ever picked," Michael Tanner of the Cato Institute said. "On the other hand, the president has never lost a fight he has wanted to win." For decades, Republicans have lost congressional votes and elections because Democrats accused them of conspiring to gut Social Security, the nearly 70-year-old program that provides the retired, the disabled and others a monthly check. For many, especially seniors, Social Security is their primary income for housing, food and insurance. Democrats' accusations often proved deadly to Republicans because seniors vote in larger percentages than younger voters.

But Bush and top strategist Karl Rove, the political force behind the Social Security plan, are convinced that the politics of Social Security have changed over the past six years -- and in a direction that could help the GOP cement a durable governing majority. In public and private talks, the president and Rove contend that voters young and old realize Social Security is near financial ruin and are receptive to allowing Americans to voluntarily divert some of their payroll taxes, which are earmarked for Social Security, to private investment accounts.

There is empirical data to support their thesis. Bush touted the issue in both presidential campaigns. Dozens of House and Senate Republicans successfully did the same in the 2002 and 2004 elections.

"I think it can help in '06 and going forward," said the incoming Republican National Committee chairman, Ken Mehlman. Pointing to successful campaigns in North Carolina, New Hampshire and Kentucky, he said, "If you look at the history of it, candidates that have approached it the way George W. Bush and Elizabeth Dole and John Sununu and Anne Northup did -- all four in very different elections, in very different places -- have been successful."

This view is supported by many congressional Republicans, who, like Rove, see an even bigger payoff for Republicans in the long term. They believe Bush can do for Republicans what Franklin D. Roosevelt did for Democrats when he proposed the program more than seven decades ago: create a generation of voters who see them as the guardian of their retirement program.

Still, a number of Republicans note neither Bush nor any congressional Republican has won on a specific plan to change the retirement system, especially one that called for cuts in benefits.

"Why would you go home tomorrow having cut benefits in Social Security for a problem that might happen in 25 years?" said Gingrich, who supports private accounts but opposes benefit cuts to pay for them.

Some Republicans question whether Bush's victories had anything to do with Social Security. A post-election survey by Pew found that Social Security was named by 1 percent of voters as the most important or second most important issue in deciding their vote.

A Washington Post-ABC News poll in late December found that 1 in 4 Americans thinks the Social Security system is in crisis, and the percentage that says the country is facing a Social Security crisis has gone down, not up, since 1998.

"I don't buy the partisan argument that Republicans benefit by somehow carving up this Democratic program," Kristol said. He contended it could undermine other GOP initiatives, such as making Bush's tax cuts permanent, because it would sap money and the president's political capital.

Simmons said that few constituents cite Social Security as a major concern, and that numerous GOP colleagues say the same in private.

Sensitive to such charges, Bush today will host an event featuring Americans of all ages talking about why the program must be restructured immediately. Vice President Cheney, Treasury Secretary John W. Snow, and Joshua B. Bolten, director of the Office of Management and Budget, are planning similar events this week, as the White House seeks to reassure Republicans.

Yesterday, the House Republican Conference invited GOP press secretaries to a Friday "Social Security Briefing" with a New York consultant who helps corporations sell products and has conducted research on Social Security messaging

Staff writer Jonathan Weisman and polling director Richard Morin contributed to this report.

© 2005 The Washington Post Company

Brats!

While browsing some blogs today, I came across this entry at Jimbo.info. It reminded me of an incident that I'd forgotten until reading his entry, but once I started to tell the story, I realized my comment was ten miles long so I thought I'd bring it here and link to him.

Rob and I were in a Brazilian restaurant recently in Newark, New Jersey (airport business, that's all - I always feel the need to explain why I was in Newark) and this couple was allowing their little kid to roam the restaurant freely while they enjoyed their dinner. The kid was a terror, and not once did I see them chide him or try to calm him down. He knocked a glass off the table when crawling around in circles atop his chair, shattering it on the floor. I don't even think the parents made the faintest gasp or uttered the smallest "damn." That's the moment in the restaurant where my own mother would have said "GODDAMNIT IF YOU DON'T CALM DOWN AND SIT STILL THIS MOMENT I AM GOING TO WHIP YOUR ASS!" But these people barely glanced in the boy's direction and just signaled for the mess to be cleaned up.

Throughout our meal I watched as the boy went around the restaurant, climbing up onto chairs, disassembling and leaving rumpled the napkins that had been carefully folded and placed at each setting. I watched as he knocked silverware off tables and generally traversed the establishment as though he were a monkey and it was his jungle.

The parents did not make a move to stop him. Occasionally they would glance at him with utter disinterest.

I felt an anger begin to pulse through me. An indignance, not for myself, but for the waiter or busboy who had spent his afternoon folding napkins and setting tables only to have it all undone right before the dinner rush by some spoiled little shit whose parents apparently had eaten a malignant brain tumor for breakfast, causing a total lack of concern for the delinquency of their offspring.

I had to calm my indignance and swallow back the desire to personally approach the parents. Rob rightly discouraged me and a restaurant employee soon came to try and dissuade the brat from continuing his little reign of terror. The employee plied him with a children's book found beneath the host podium. Even as the man tried to distract the kid, the parents occasionally looked over, but did not make any move to assist the man in controlling their own child.

I will never forget the look on the father's face. A look of absolute disinterest and entitlement. It was not his responsibility to control the kid. If the restaurant staff didn't want the child to unravel their hard work, that was their problem. Not something that a parent need concern themselves with.

I don't know about you, but my mother and father would have been so embarassed and ticked off if one of their children had succeeded in creating a great deal of unnecessary work and cleanup for the staff at a restaurant.

Sandy wrote a post recently about how people never really know how they are going to be as a parent until they actually have kids. And I have to agree that it's easy for those without children to say "I would never do that!" or "my child will never behave like that!" But there are certain situations where you can say definitively and without a doubt "I would never tolerate that type of behavior from my own child and I would seriously NEVER do that." This was one of those times.

Well? Laugh.

Sounds a lot like some people we know:

Unfortunately, this sounds a lot like some other people we know.

All the Ward Sutton cartoons on the Voice are fantastic, but Republican Jesus is truly priceless...

Had a Moment

Robert and I watched the movie "Piñero" yesterday, about Miguel Piñero's life, times and ultimate demise. We both really liked it. I have a deep affinity for poetry, as it was given much importance when I was growing up. My dad had a poetry publication in law school with a few friends and I always loved listening to them recite poems for eachother's enjoyment. I've written a lot of poetry myself, but am not confident enough about it to share it here. There was one scene in this movie where Benjamin Bratt, who played Piñero, recited a poem that really grabbed me and squeezed my heart as hard as I could possibly imagine a poem squeezing me. I've felt this way before, but it's been a long time since I've heard a poem that literally drew the tears from my eyes the way salt draws liquid from a vegetable. I couldn't contain the way it made me feel. So I'm sharing it here with you.

Seekin' The Cause
by Miguel Piñero

He was Dead
he never Lived
died
died
he died seekin' a Cause
seekin' the Cause
because
he said
he never saw the cause
but he heard
the cause
heard the cryin' of hungry ghetto children
heard the warnin' from Malcolm
heard the tractors pave new routes to new prisons
died seekin' the Cause
seekin' a Cause
he was dead on arrival
he never really Lived
uptown . . . downtown . . . crosstown
body was round all over town
seekin' the Cause
thinkin' the Cause was 75 dollars & gator shoes
thinkin' the Cause was sellin' the white lady to black
children
thinkin' the cause is to be found in gypsy rose or j.b.
or dealin' wacky weed
and singin' du-wops in the park after some chi-chiba
he died seekin' the Cause
died seekin' a Cause
and the Cause was dyin' seekin' him
and the Cause was dyin' seekin' him
and the Cause was dyin' seekin' him
he wanted a color t.v.
wanted a silk on silk suit
he wanted the Cause to come up like the mets & take the
world series
he wanted . . . he wanted . . . he wanted . . . he wanted
to want more wants
but
he never gave
he never gave
he never gave his love to children
he never gave his heart to old people
and
never did he ever give his soul to his people
he never gave his soul to his people
because he was busy seekin' a cause
busy
busy perfectin' his voice to harmonize the national anthem
with spirit agnew
busy perfectin' his jive talk so that his flunkiness
wouldn't show
busy perfectin' his viva-la-policia speech
downtown . . . uptown . . . midtown . . . crosstown
his body was found all over town
seekin' a Cause
seekin' the Cause
found
in the potter fields of an o.d.
found
in the bowery with the d.d.t.s
his legs were left in vietnam
his arms were found in sing-sing
his scalp was on Nixon's belt
his blood painted the streets of the ghetto
his eyes were still lookin' for jesus to come down
on some cloud & make everything ok
when jesus died in attica
his brains plastered all around the frames of the pentagon
his voice still yellin' stars & stripes forever
riddled with the police bullets his taxes bought
he died seekin' a Cause
seekin' the Cause
while the Cause was dyin' seekin' him
he died yesterday
he's dyin' today
he's dead tomorrow
died seekin' a Cause
died seekin' the Cause
& the Cause was in front of him
& the Cause was in his skin
& the Cause was in his speech
& the Cause was in his blood
but
he died seekin' the Cause
he died seekin' a Cause
he died
deaf
dumb
&
blind
he died
& never found his Cause
because
you see he never never
knew that he was the Cause.

Can We Wake Up?

Josh Marshal posts on Talking Points Memo about our administration's steady march towards a Social Security reform that not only costs way too much to implement, but also compromises the exact purpose for which it was created in the first place. Mr. Marshall writes about this frequently and makes a lot of good observations. The following is a succinct, nicely abbreviated piece (for those with short attention span) that gets right to the point about the wool that the republicans are trying to pull over everyone's eyes about the cost of their proposed reform. (That's without going into the real necessity and the major pitfalls that come with this kind of mucking with the financial security of Americans).

Here is one of many comparisons and observations we'll be making to provide some counterweight to the White House's efforts to deceive the American people about Social Security.

The Social Security Trustees estimate that over the next 75 years the program faces a budget shortfall of $3.7 trillion.

As we've noted previously and will again, the Trustees use a very pessimistic estimate of future economic growth to arrive at that figure. But, for the moment, let's stipulate to that amount.

$3.7 trillion is a lot of money.

But how much will the president's Medicare drug benefit plan cost over the next 75 years?

$8.1 trillion, say the Trustees of that program.

And over the next 75 years how much will the president's 2001 and 2003 tax cuts cost if made permanent, as the president wants?

$11.6 trillion.

So you add that up and you get $3.7 trillion we need to cover Social Security's shortfall and $19.7 trillion we need just to cover the costs of the two major domestic policy initiatives of the president's first term.

And yet Social Security, says the president, is in crisis and destined to chew through the rest of the federal budget.

(These statistics are noted in this budgeting summary from the Center on Budget and Policy Priorities.)

I would submit to you that in any reasonable universe this simple comparison shatters the president's credibility on fiscal 'icebergs' and spending crises. And yet these basic facts seem to garner little notice.

That is because, in the last couple decades, in the culture of Washington -- particularly among the elite commentators and reporters (just watch Meet the Press) -- presuming that Social Security is financially unviable has become an ready shorthand for public policy seriousness, much as many use a basic knowledge of imported wines or a familiarity with classical music to signal refinement.

This is something the president is exploiting. And the defenders of Social Security must find ways to overcome it.

-- Josh Marshal

He also points out a couple of problems with the social security reform that seem to be overlooked by those who blindly support it here and here. I love how he refers to spineless democrats as the "Fainthearted Faction." Haha.

I guess on a personal level, one of the things that pisses me off so much about the proposed social security "reform" is the prospect of handing all of the money that is currently entrusted in the federal treasury and reserved for those who have been paying into the system since they began working in this country, over to huge brokerage houses like Goldman Sachs, Morgan Stanley, Solomon Smith Barney, etc. First of all, I pay a shitload in Social Security taxes. I have already been paying into SS for ten years, and assuming I work until I'm 60 (which, god help me, I won't...), the prospect of being screwed out of all that hard earned money really ticks me off. Then there is the fact that I do quite a bit of securities work with the lawyers I work for, defending big financial institutions from allegations of fraud. And believe me, the lawsuits never stop pouring in. I just don't want to be one of those plaintiffs 35 years from now, trying to recover what I already worked so long and hard to earn. It makes me sad to think of anyone in that position.

Pen, Meet My Eyeball

It's that time again.

I am a diehard 24 fan and it's the only show that I am actually religious about watching. Tonight was the season premiere. I've always been a sucker for Keifer Sutherland. Unfortunately, during the 24 season I always end up being subjected to Fox 5 News afterwards. Rob will sit and watch it. I have to get up and leave the living room but I can still hear the stream of annoying reporters from where I sit. I don't know what it is, but I have something against television news reporters in general. Anchors, correspondents, "journalists," there's something distinctly annoying about all of them. Maybe it's their conservative style of dress or it could just be the totally fake voices that they intone especially for their reporting, the deliberate fluctuations in the voicebox to create a tone of authority with just a touch of disbelief...it drives me crazy. Actually, Chris Rock had a skit on his CD "Roll With The New" where this reporter questions OJ and Ike Turner and the answer to each question is a snippet of a raunchy rap song. Hilarious. But the voice intoned by the reporter on his CD is the perfect parody of the exact thing that I'm talking about. Guess you had to be there.

I would much prefer to listen to the news on the radio, devoid of the flashy entertainment jive or even watch PBS or the History Channel or just something less "newsy," without all the plastic personas and false emoting.

I used to think the news my parents listened to was so boring when I was a kid. I would imitate the voice of Maraliesson (spelling please! WHO names their daughter that?) on NPR. I would listen to my parents go on and on in the kitchen, listening to the radio and talking politics. I guess I remember thinking there was something interesting about it though. There was a mystery there, because I had no idea what they were talking about, but I could just tell that it was really important and felt it was kind of remarkable that they understood it all. Especially considering that my first real memory of hearing about politics was during the Iran Contra scandal and Oliver North's testimony, Savings and Loans scandal, Chernobyl, those kinds of things...just words to me then.

I wish that Fox 5 and CNN and CBS and all the other mega news affiliates would present things in a more informative manner. Wish reporters would ask more serious, hard hitting questions. It's too bad. There are plenty of programs on television where you can get a more accurate view of reality, it's just unfortunate that those big media empires are the ones that capture the attention of the American audience and it's just gradually dumbing us down into a very complacent society.

Slow conditioning. Nothing is shocking anymore. I guess it's been that way for a long time. Perry Farrell wrote a song about it in the late 80s.

Camera got them images Camera got them all Nothing's shocking... Showed me everybody Naked and disfigured Nothing's shocking... And then he came Now sister's Not a virgin anymore Her sex is violent...

The T.V.'s got them images
T.V.'s got them all
It's not shocking!
Every half an hour
Someone's captured and
The cop moves them along...
It's just like the show before
The news is
Just another show
With sex and violence...

Sex is violent...
Sex is violent!

Everything is dramatized to create that irritating crossbreed of 10% news, 90% bullshit, fear mongering and cheap, tawdry entertainment.

Heard just now on local news: "A wacko with a box cutter is on the run right now." Some guy running around in the Bronx slashing women in broad daylight with a box cutter. Serious injuries result.

Yikes.

Sunday, Minus the Sun

The widespread flu season that we're having here in the eastern states seems to have gotten ahold of my honey. The poor boy has been mopey and out of sorts for days now and doesn't seem to be improving much. He went to a doctor yesterday, an arab woman here in Brooklyn who repeatedly told him that he has "flu allergy" and prescribed Claritin and nasal spray! WTF? He told her he has hay fever allergy, but never in the winter, and felt quite sure that "the Flu" and allergies are two different things. The man barely has a voice and suffers from the chills and she tells him he has allergies. Whatever.

So he's just a whiney lump under the covers today and I've completely surrendered to babying him. Oh well, it's cold and dreary outside anyway. Perfect for gettin in there with him and watching movies. I'll just keep my fingers crossed that I don't get whatever he's got.

Ya'll enjoy your day of rest and worship now...

Summary

Best headline:

Gonzales: No Torture

Presidential nominee defends and renounces controversial opinions. - AM NY

No joke. He defended his position while simultaneously renouncing precisely the same position.

Last line of article:

"Gonzales' response to some questions yesterday seemed to contradict his description of the Geneva Convention in his January 2002 memo."

Quote of the day:

"We're looking for candor, old buddy. I love you, but you're not very candid so far" - Sen. Joseph Biden to Attorney General nominee Alberto Gonzales during a Judiciary Committee hearing yesterday.

I love how everyone knows that Gonzales is blatantly full of shit and just saying what the committee wants to hear, despite the fact that his statements have been strongly contradicted by everything else he's done, and he gets confirmed as AG anyway. You gotta love our standards. "Well, we know you're a shmuck and had much to do with promoting, condoning and justifying the torture of prisoners by American soldiers, and now you're a baldfaced liar too, but let's confirm you anyway because, hey old buddy! We love ya!" It's worse than nepotism. We'll prosecute those soldiers for prisoner abuse while Gonzales gets promoted to Attorney General of the United States. That's fuckin sick my friends. It is so sick that while we prosecute those soldiers, we ignore all the red flags that clearly point to the fact that this administration established a policy of torture and abuse.

But in a country where no one even flinches when Donald Rumsfeld says things like "That same prison became a symbol of disgraceful conduct by a few American troops who dishonored our country and disregarded our values" (while ignoring that Abu Ghraib is also a symbol of disgraceful conduct by our leaders who have dishonored our country and disregarded our values and simply passed on that "ethic" to American troops) and has generally tried to shift blame for the quagmire in Iraq to the soldiers who are fighting, rather than accept any responsibility for himself or the rest of the Bush administration, what can you really expect? Americans have chronic ADD. They don't have the focus or inclination to concern themselves with details, like who is really responsible for the mess we're in.

Iraq to remain in emergency status through impending election. While president Bush remains entrenched in a fantasy world of denial and continues to insist that things are getting better in Iraq, when the evidence clearly points to the opposite. If a steadily rising death toll isn't an indication that things are looking peachy, I don't know what is!

[Bush says:] "So I know it's hard. But it's hard for a reason. And the reason it's hard is because there are a handful of folks who fear freedom."

The United States and other nations must "be aggressive in the spread of freedom" and "stand with those brave citizens in Iraq who want to vote," Bush said.

"If the free world steps back and lets these people have their way . . . we'll never address the root causes of terror and hatred, which is frustration caused by tyranny," he said. "If we step back and allow for tyrannies to exist and people not to be free, the world our children will grow up in will be a hostile world."
...

After the balloting, "we look forward to working with the newly constituted government to help train Iraqis as fast as possible so they can defend themselves," he said. "Because ultimately the success in Iraq is going to be the willingness of the Iraqi citizens to fight for their own freedom." [They are fighting for their freedom - freedom from U.S. occupation! And we call them "insurgents!" Damned if they do. Damned if they don't.]

Bush said in response to a question, "I think we're making great progress" in Iraq. He added, "And it's exciting times for the Iraqi people. And it's so exciting there are some who are trying to intimidate people from going to the polls."

Couple things. 1: Does anyone still bite into this bullshit about terrorists hating freedom and that being the only reason for their uprising? Way to simplify and trivialize the issue so that the truly stupid can understand it too. In fact, perhaps if we would just once recognize the true reasons for their hatred of the U.S. government, they wouldn't be so fucking agitated! 2: "It's exciting times for the Iraqi people." Yeah! What's not to be excited about? Homes, schools, lives destroyed, friends and family dead. It's a fuckin blast. Literally. 3: "If we step back and allow for tyrannies to exist and people not to be free, the world our children will grow up in will be a hostile world." That's TRUE! Look, Bush said something that's actually TRUE. Said like a true moron, but true nonetheless. The funny thing about it is that it's ALREADY a hostile world. I don't know how much worse he really thinks it can get without detonating completely. The other problem with that statement is that we cannot obliterate tyranny from every corner of the earth without having a massive world war. Not to mention that we can't exactly go out and preemptively strike everyone the way we did Iraq. War is not the answer. Diplomacy is. And the U.S. government is one of the worst tyrannies in existence, so what should we do? Coup d'etat anyone?

And what's this about "not allowing people not to be free?" What does that mean? We can't allow you not to be free! So we're going to bomb you to freedom!!! (It's a little trick we have here in the states. It's called "Bombing for Freedom." As you can see from the state of affairs in Iraq, it works really great).

Headline:

7 NYers Dead [in Iraq] Roadside bomb kills soldiers from Manhattan 69th - AM NY

More NYers dying. 9/11 wasn't enough. Now they must die for a war disguised as vengeance and [lethal injection of] freedom and liberty for all. What a waste. When will it ever end?

Thoughtful Perspective

A good editorial published in AM NY today, by Robert Koehler called "One Tsunami A Day":

Those 30-foot waves of Dec. 26, moving at jetliner speed, slammed into our priorities as well as untold huts and villas. The planet has reverberated. But as we rebuild, how much can we expect ourselves to change?

The worst story following the Tsunami that killed $150,000 people in 11 countries concerns the government of Indonesia, which shamelessly put strategic goals above humanitarian concerns.

Meanwhile, meteorologists in Thailand, on learning of the 9.0 quake in the Indian Ocean, didn't issue a tsunami warning for fear of hurting the country's tourist industry.

Our stalwart ally not only continued its bloody, high-casualty war against separatists in Aceh Province, where at least 80,000 people just died, but took advantage of the chaos to give its military prospects a boost -- in the process, actually curtailing U.N., Red Cross and other disaster relief from reaching the starving, vulnerable survivors.

Around the world, national leaders played "compassion chicken," shaming one another into upping their assistance antes.

Something here feels tawdry to me. The priorities feel wrong -- shallow, shabby -- at the level of humanity's highest organizational structures, the world's nation states. Yet I have this strange predilection to be an optimist. I sift through the details of this disaster and look for hope.

"I'd much rather be doing this than fighting a war," said an American helicopter pilot as he helped transport services to the Banda Aceh hospital. Maybe this is what hope looks like. Sandra Bullock donated $1 million.

Hope looks like ordinary people, not like governments. Though maybe even this is suspect.

The world's compassion "only flows freely when directed at nonpolitical suffering," writes Jan Oberg, Gudrun Schyman and Christina Spannar of the Transnational Foundation for Peace and Future Research. "If related to economy and to politics, it doesn't...Worldwide, between 60,000 and 100,000 people die every day because of poverty, curable diseases, AIDS, lack of food, clean water, shelter, clothes, medicine and education."

That's "one tsunami a day, the year around," they write, "and few care."

This fact is bigger even than the stupidity of the powerful. It requires anger, but first it demands introspection. This is the burden I feel, as I struggle for an appropriate personal response to the tsunami: to give something, to help, but also to learn. Tapping my cash reserves doesn't feel like quite enough. What is my commitment to a humane world?

When I ask myself this while reflecting on the suddenly dead of Dec. 26 -- the children whose bodies were stacked in fish crates, the corpses in trees, the Hindu pilgrims taking their ritual sea bath, the son of a king killed on his Jet Ski -- I'm left with a sense of unbearable urgency.

There's another tsunami coming tomorrow.

Pluggin Away

If you've never dropped by What The Hell Happened Last Night, you ought to get with the damn program. Not only is Btezra always an enjoyable read, he takes some superfly photographs. Check him out and don't forget to give him your vote here!

Say Hello To Cruel and Unusual Punishment!!!

Today Alberto Gonzales's confirmation hearings begin. The shitstorm really never ends with this administration. And as is to be expected, republicans take their usual snide and dismissive approach to democrats' concerns about Gonzales's track record.

"The result is not in doubt. He will be confirmed overwhelmingly," said Republican Sen. John Cornyn of Texas, who will introduce Gonzales at the confirmation hearing, which begins at 9:30 a.m.

Cornyn dismissed Gonzales' opponents as "people frustrated by the results of the Nov. 2 elections and their continued attempts to attack the president or policies -- that from a legal standpoint -- are mainstream and correct."

Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't know that the position that the State of Texas is not obligated to abide by U.S. treaties or bound to Article VI of the U.S. Constitution, was a mainstream and correct legal standpoint.

I'm sorry, I didn't know that viewing the Geneva conventions as "obsolete" and "quaint" was a mainstream and correct legal standpoint.

I'm sorry, I didn't know that condoning inhuman torture tactics was a mainstream and correct legal standpoint.

I'm sorry, I didn't know that executing mentally retarded inmates was a mainstream and correct legal standpoint.

I'm sorry, I didn't know that executing prisoners without allowing them the benefit of a fair trial or a just review of clemency petition was a mainstream and correct legal standpoint.

Of course, this response to Sen. John Cornyn cuts right to the chase:

"This issue is not about politics," said an aide to Sen. Edward Kennedy, a Massachusetts Democrat. "It's about American values and the rule of law."

But what is "rule of law" anyway? Just a bunch of stuff that gets in your way while you're trying to "protect the homeland" and "rid the earth of low IQ scum?"

It seems that Gonzales will be confirmed no matter what. Take two steps back. Ah, Junior is having his cake and eating it too right now. Doing what he's best at: surrounding himself with Yes Men.

Worst. President. Ever.

Tsunami Aftermath

He Handed Me An Ace

In thinking about what my New Year's resolutions are, I was inspired by Darcie's approach; listing her accomplishments over the last year and naming goals that she hopes to add to the list of successes next year. She made me think not just what I would like to accomplish today and tomorrow, but caused me to attempt to examine the past year, what I did, and how I would like to have progressed by this time in 2006.

When I look back on the past year, I don't feel an unusually great sense of accomplishment. I feel satisfied that I did not waste a year of my life, I feel confident that as a person I have grown over the past year, I have learned new things, I have kept trying to expand my mind and my horizons. I have not been as proactive about the latter as I'd like to have been.

When I moved to New York four years ago it took everything I had just to get comfortable and to stop feeling like a plant that had managed to unroot itself from warm comfortable soil and transplant itself in a cold, new plot of earth. I knew that eventually it would be the best thing for me, but the full adjustment took longer than I was willing to admit a couple years ago. I have lived in this apartment in Brooklyn for about two and a half years now. Longer than I've lived in any one place during my entire adult life. I just passed my two year anniversary mark at my job and, surprisingly, still not yet clawing my way up the walls. Never before have I remained happy with a position for more than two years.

Now that, for the first time since I moved to New York, I feel truly well adjusted here and a deep sense that it has really become my home, I need to restart my engine. Now that I have overcome the relative shock to my system of moving all the way across country to a city that I'd never even been to before deciding to inhabit it, and experiencing the satisfaction that has come from being able to make it here in this most malleable of cities and exceed my own monetary/lifestyle expectations, it is time to start striving to achieve something more in my life.

If I made a list of my achievements over the past year, whatever is featured there would likely not be quite as tangible as those things on Darcie's list. I don't have any debt. That's a good thing. I've never built up any real credit either, since I've never once in my life owned a credit card (the reason for the lack of debt). The things I've accomplished seem to have been completely internal. Anything else occurred as a result of what I like to consider 'luck.' But anything that I may have accomplished is balanced out by all the things that I feel I neglected to do, such as: keeping in touch with friends and family; saving significant funds; pursuing a real writing career; traveling to more exotic locations; painting the walls in my house; exercising and stretching more to eliminate my back and neck problems; and the one perennial appearance on this kind of list: quitting smoking.

On the positive side of the past year, I have: focused more on reading and creating art; improved my eating habits and water consumption; managed to maintain, learn from, improve and derive a deep sense of happiness and contentment from my 3-year relationship with Rob; built other relationships that will benefit me in future endeavors; did a lot of really fun, exciting things that only New York has to offer; and been more politically active.

I do declare! I think I've actually matured over the past year.

When visiting my family over Christmas, while I was packing my things on my last night in the spare room at my parents' house, my dad came in and sat on his knees on the floor facing me. Hands placed palms down on his lap, he looked into my eyes with earnest and genuine love, as he always does when he has something important to say to his children. My dad has a depth to his eyes that is mesmerizing to me. It's nearly impossible to avert your gaze. As I folded my clothes and added them to my suitcase, he told me what a great person he thinks I am, how proud he is of me and how much potential he believes I have to work with. On the occasions throughout my life when my dad has told me that he has absolute faith in me, it has been like a jack being placed beneath a car, cranking me up a little bit higher each time. That faith and level of belief that he places in me is an inspiration like no other.

He told me that night something that I have never before heard come from his mouth to be directed at me with such purpose. He said "I really think you should consider going to school. I want you to know that I will pay for it and I believe you would be a great investment."

You have to understand that I am the middle child. My sister is four years younger and my brother two years older. I've always been the most independent of all of us and typically the most rebellious and prone to troublemaking. One virtue I suppose was that I never wanted to ask for anything more than I really had to from my parents. They didn't have a lot when we were younger, and by the time they really had made financial gains, I was out of the house and trying to make a living of my own. I never stopped to ask them if they would pay for me to go to school. I was just so determined to make it without the extra lift and I knew that my brother needed more help than I did and my sister had more exciting potential than I did, more worthy of the dollars that my parents could contribute to a high-end education for her (or so I have always thought). And for someone with barely a high school education, I believe I've done pretty well. Actually better than many people I know who went on to achieve degrees.

I've been a legal secretary for a looong time now it seems. Steady for the past seven years, and on & off since I was 16. It has definitely been a good ladder to climb and I'm glad that I developed the skill early. Being an administrative assistant to partners in a law firm is a pretty good living.

But hearing my dad say those words to me changed my entire world, and the way that I view my future, in less than five minutes. For the first time in my entire life, I began to think seriously about the concept of taking my SATs and enrolling in school. The thought scares me a great deal in one way. For me, it holds the one thing that I have tried to avoid my entire life, the burden of expectation. It's been gradual, admitting that to myself. But I've also realized that I have the capacity to achieve far more than what I have allowed myself up to this point.

So the thing that I would most like to see on my list at the end of next year: "Took SATs, passed with flying colors, enrolled in courses." If that's not placing expectations on myself, I don't know what is. But I'm excited to prove to myself that I'm not any less deserving of a higher education than anyone else. Wish me luck. I've been a notorious Fuckup with a capital F when it comes to school.

For Posterity

This deserves a thread of its own. My dad Charles Carreon's Best of 2004:

Woman of the Year: Bunnatine H. Greenhouse, Chief Contracting officer for the Army Corps of Engineers, who complained that Halliburton Company was unfairly awarded $2 billion in contracts at the Pentagon, and remains in her job despite savage attacks from rabid legal attack dogs.

Man of the Year: Split between (1) Eliot Spitzer, the only man on the Eastern Seaboard not afraid of Karl Rove, providing the only legal check on rampant corporate corruption in the financial system, and (2) Michael Moore, the only man with enough media savvy to end-run Hollywood’s blockade of his movie, heroically smuggling his fellow citizens vital information about the Saudi-Bush Axis of Betrayal.

Largest Sellout In History: John Kerry, who promised that every vote would be counted “this time,” instead surrendered just like his cowardly predessor-in-defeat, Al Gore, frustrating the effort to obtain fair vote-counting in disputed areas. Kerry’s prompt surrender gave Bush’s fraudulent results just what they needed – a pass to the White House.

Worst Choice of Companions: John Edwards.

Most Likely To Say “I Told You So”: Ralph Nader.

Most Frightening Lawyer: Alberto Gonzales, who is to lawyers what Dr. Josef Mengele was to physicians, a betrayer of all that is good in the profession. This piece of work, whose greatest regret is that he missed the Inquisition, greased his ascent to the position of Attorney General by drafting legal opinions explaining that terrorists have no human rights, that the President is the supreme identifier of terrorists, and that when interrogating terrorists, it is not torture to nearly drown them repeatedly, even if this causes them to believe that they are being killed, if in fact they were not nearly-killed. This is called an objective test, for those of you who are not lawyers. When Gonzales is Attorney General, we will have a real Head of the Secret Police.

Best Female Vocalist: Linda Ronstadt, for inciting a Vegas lounge crowd to riot when she tried to honor Michael Moore with a performance of “Desperado,” thereby inadvertently restarting her own career. What goes around comes around.

Shallowest Individual of The Year: Paris Hilton, for making looking like a pretty girl seem like a low, depraved thing, and making pretty girls wonder just how low and depraved they should really be.

Last Woman To Get A Clue That Her Husband Is Cheating On Her With His Secretary: Laura Bush.

The Only Man Bush Envies: Vladimir Putin.

Best Male Porno Duo: The Mike Ovitz and Mike Eisner performance in Delaware Chancery Court, in which Eisner tried to prove it was equally wise for Disney to hire Ovitz and to fire him a few months later with a $140 Million goodbye bonus. Back in the day, Ovitz demonstrated little gratitude for the 9-figure settlement, blaming his ouster on a Hollywood homosexual conspiracy masterminded by David Geffen. The charisma between Eisner and Ovitz hit a fever pitch during the trial that had been demanded by Disney shareholders who found Ovitz’s treatment at Eisner’s hands a little too friendly. While spurning the most fulsome of Ovitz’s kisses, Eisner nevertheless swallowed Ovitz’s pumped-up estimates of his own value, giving shareholders a performance that would have been obscene in a prior Hollywood era.

Most In Need Of Being Shot With A Taser By A Jeering Crowd of Street-People: Bernard Kerik, former head of the NYPD during 9/11, and former partner in business with Rudy Guiliani at "Guiliani/Kerik," had his pretensions to National Security Tsar-dom dynamited by disclosure of his connections to the Gambino Crime Family, and his sexual liasons from a love hutch overlooking the WTC crater. Softening the blow of being refused admission to the high office of Head of Homeland Security, Bernard was recently promoted to millionaire-status when he sold $5.3 Million of TASER company stock, which he received in exchange for pumping this lethal product in the law-enforcement marketplace. TASER stock plunged shortly thereafter when it was disclosed that the company falsified reports claiming the product was safe when it has actually been associated with dozens of deaths in the field, and was only tested once by the company on any living being -- a pig. Time to try it out on another pig, and see if it's still safe.

Deposed Leader Most Likely To Seek Exile In A Foreign Nation: Split between (1) former president of Spain Jose Maria Aznar, and (2) ex-Ukrainian Prime Minister Viktor Yanukovych. Aznar lost his seat after he tried to convince Spaniards that Basque separatists had bombed the Madrid train station, rather than Islamic extremists, in order to deflect criticism of his decision to send 1,000 Spanish troops to Iraq as part of the "COW" alliance (Coalition Of the Willing) cobbled together by GW Bush. Yanukovych was unable to hold onto his fraudulent electoral win despite support and military threats emanating from Vladimir Putin's Russian stronghold. Perhaps these two should have swapped sources of support -- Spaniards generally have no beef with the Kremlin, but Aznar was tarred by his support of Bush, who had forced them to re-instigate hostilities against the Islamics after centuries of peace. Yanukovych, on the other hand, needed someone like Bush, who has more experience in fixing elections than Putin, who usually acts more directly to overthrow the opposition (think Chechnya).

Most Likely To End Up Sharing Speaking Fees With Bill Clinton: Colin Powell.

Least Likely To End Up In Prison In 2005: Split between Osama Bin Ladin and Michael Jackson.

Most Likely To Be Discovered To Be A Space Alien: Dick Cheney.

Most Likely To Be Exonerated By DNA Testing: The man being held in custody as "Saddam Hussein."

Least Likely To Be Mentioned By Bush In Any Speech Whatsoever: Achmed Chalabi, First Puppet Leader of American Iraq.

Industries Most Likely To Require Bailouts During 2005: The Airlines that received bailouts in 2002, and now need dessert.

World Currency Least Likely To Recover Its Buying Power in the Next Five Years: The U.S. Dollar.

Asset Most Likely To Lose Value In 2005: The American home.

People Least Likely To Find A Job In 2005: Those who didn't have one in 2004.

Person Least Likely To Learn From His Mistakes: The United States Demander In Chief, who has made no mistakes, of which he has knowledge.