By Beauty Damned

Time to Review

It's come to my attention that some people need to be reminded of what occurred during the 2000 election. Like many others who have been brainwashed by the spincycle or fooled by the "sincere" denials of wrongdoing, Mad Mikey believes that the only reason democrats claim that Bush stole the election is because we think that the Supreme Court should have allowed the continuation of the hand recount and that there were conflicts of interest.

No. That was just the icing on the cake. What people seem to ignore or forget is Katherine Harris's execution of a ruthless campaign of voter suppression in the state of Florida.

I posted this in an earlier thread and I'm posting it here for those who do not have a clear understanding of what took place in the Florida election at the hands of the Bush team and Katherine Harris, or the danger of it happening again. If you do have a clear understanding of what happened, watch it anyway -- because it's fun to feel your blood pressure rise.

Blow. Hard.

I watched McCain and Giuliani last night. What a bunch of nonsense.

McCain was not nearly as bad as Giuliani, though I was disappointed in him for continually talking about the war in Iraq and 9/11 in the same breath, as if the two had some connection. I think that is a very deceitful and manipulative tactic that George Bush and his administration have been utilizing since they started promoting and pursuing war with Iraq. The war against terrorism is NOT the war in Iraq. And I am tired of hearing these blowhards insist or insinuate that it is. At the same time, he talked about how war and democracy conflict and we have to deal with that disparity. How about not waging a costly war in the so-called interest of democracy, and trying to accomplish your goals democratically instead. Fighting for peace truly is like fucking for chastity.

McCain and Giuliani both made the statement "George Bush told the terrorists that they would hear from us. And they have." The terrorists heard from us loud and clear. I'm sure they laughed as they watched us invade Iraq, knowing that we were digging our own grave. They heard that we are lead by a corrupt government that will attack Iraq under the guise of a war on terrorism, pretending that they are the same thing, which bodes well for terrorists, as George Bush has given them the perfect recruiting pitch. (I truly believe that if terrorists could vote, they'd vote for Bush, just to keep the fire burning). Other people heard too. People who weren't terrorists, but felt compelled to join the jihad once they saw how corrupt the American government can really be. They heard from us. They heard, and then they turned around and picked up a weapon and came out to fight the American troops. A lot of innocent people have heard from us too. Families who didn't deserve to lose their loved ones in this badly planned war. Soldiers who don't know what they're fighting for or don't think it's worth it. The whole world heard from us when we found out about the atrocities being committed at Abu Ghraib. Not only did they hear about our hypocricy and lack of integrity, but they also heard when our president brushed the abuse aside. They heard when it was revealed that our government condoned that type of abuse by allowing Rumsfeld to stay in office and patting him on the back rather than forcing him to resign, and they heard the revelations of torture memos and legal briefs promoting and attempting to justify violation of the Geneva Conventions.

McCain told us: "President Bush made the difficult decision to liberate Iraq." First of all, the liberation cause was mentioned only twice last night - once in McCain's speech and once in Giuliani's - before they quickly went back to talking about [elusive or non existent] weapons of mass destruction and jumbling all the issues and facts together so that the American people can't figure out what the hell our reason was for going to war, nor focus long enough on the discrepancies in the way the big picture is being drawn out to realize that they are being taken for a fucking ride. Furthermore, the decision to "liberate Iraq" didn't seem too difficult for Bush. According to members of his administration who have since criticized Bush, not only was it not a difficult decision for him, invading Iraq was on his agenda from day one, long before 9/11 ever took place. Remember how the whole "Operation Iraqi Freedom" phrase only popped up on Fox News AFTER the attacks on Baghdad were well under way? Reasons for the Iraqi war became a free-for-all: whatever you can come up with to defend this crooked war, take it and run with it. Meanwhile, Bush has used the tragedy of 9/11 to the fullest political advantage.

The testimony of the 9/11 widows was one of the most blatant manipulations. Of course, they did not have any of the widows or families speaking who don't support the war or George Bush, though their numbers are many. Once again, exploiting the death and tragedy. Just as he did in photo ops at the WTC and in ads depicting tragic footage of the attacks. I found this deeply appalling.

When Mayor Giuliani took the stage, I cringed the moment he opened his mouth. He is an arrogant jackal, pumping his NY fist and thinking that his status as "Mayor of America" entitles him to act like a pompous ass. He thinks he's funny, but he's not. That might be the most painful part, if not for how long and fucking boring his speech was. What was he talking about again? Certainly not anything that mattered. He told a whole bunch of pointless little stories, which he thought were far more entertaining than they really were, and somehow tried to connect to his inflation of George Bush's valor and leadership. "George Bush got up on that pile of rubble with me..." Any president would have done what George Bush did on 9/11. Stood up there and pleged his conviction to find out who had done this and bring them to justice. I don't see how any of it makes him a hero or proves him to be a good leader. He did what any American President would do. If these people were such great leaders and heros, perhaps they would have paid attention to the flood of intelligence and all the red flags that could have clued us in to this impending disaster. Perhaps they could have done something. Something other than standing on the rubble and flexing machismo and basking in glory, for what, I don't know. They called Giuliani "the mayor who saved NY." He didn't save anything. Thousands died. He's a talking head. After the proclamation that we would find our attackers and bring them to justice, it was all downhill as Bush focused a minimal amount of energy on going after the Taliban in Afghanistan to create the appearance that we were trying to catch Osama Bin Ladin, before all but abandoning that objective to pursue his war against the guy who tried to kill his daddy (and who presided over the most oil rich country in the middle east), squandering every bit of good will that had been garnered as a result of 9/11 with his hasty and badly orchestrated decision to invade Iraq. The whole thing absolutely stinks to high heaven. And Rudy has the nerve to tell us "either you are with us, or you are with the terrorists!" That statement really betrays total ignorance and a complete lack of understanding as to what it is that most democrats object to about Bush's strategy.

Of course, Giuliani didn't hesitate to tell us that on 9/11, as he watched burning bodies fall from the windows of the WTC, he grabbed Bernard Kerik, that corrupt bastard, and exclaimed "thank GOD that George Bush is our president!" (This was one of the many references to God, Christianity, and the Old Testament that were made during last night's speaches). Thank God George Bush is our president? Why? Did God help him steal the election? No. That was Katherine Harris and the U.S. Supreme Court... Did God put him here to start wars and sit around at his ranch in Crawford while terrorists freely plan and carry out attacks on our soil? Thank God that he ignored that August 6 memo? Thank God that he took 9/11 as the perfect opportunity to spin his flimsy case against Iraq? Thank God that he belittled and disregarded our allies and squandered their support? Thank God that he abandoned the real needs of America and the real war against terror to pursue an exorbitant war for oil, power, political gain and profit? Thank God for what, Rudy?

All in all, the speakers last night conveyed a real air of defensiveness, resorted heavily to ridicule and revealed their one track platform, showing us just how little George Bush has to run on and how deadset republicans are, not to be questioned, and to avoid addressing any of the many concerns of the American people outside of this heartstring tugging charade designed to prod people into reacting and voting based on emotions and anger rather than rational solutions. I found it to be very negative, and not enough said about what we are going to do, how we are going to improve both domestically and in Iraq and what kind of positive future we can look forward to in this country, other than the promise of an indefinitely drawn out war and ever present climate of fear.

note: this entry has been revised as my wheels have kept turning...

Hilarity Ensues

I'm watching the RNC on CNN. Wah wah wah.

There was a whole section of guys in bluejeans and cowboy boots and HUGE cowboy hats! And then this country band played! OMG, you had to see it.

RN-Sea of Protest

Today's AM New York cover page:

I'll bet the republicans are getting that warm fuzzy welcome feeling already. Perhaps NY wasn't the best place to hold the RNC after all... but I guess the opportunity to further exploit the site of 9/11 was just too much temptation to resist. Not that this is anything new.

Mad As Hell. Not Going To Take It Anymore.

Taking democracy to the streets. It's a beautiful thing. Unfortunately, Robert and I had to go to Virginia this weekend and missed the UFPJ protest. Luckily, there are plenty of pictures and stories to take in.

Terrible, Just Terrible

Darcie sent me this link today with the message: "Maria I found your people!"

So funny. Jesus Christ. These folks need an intervention.

Cuts You Up

One of the greatest songs...

Cuts You Up
By Peter Murphy

I find you in the morning
After dreams of distant signs
You pour yourself over me
Like the sun through the blinds
You lift me up
And get me out
Keep me walking
But never shout
Hold the secret close
I hear you say

You know the way
It throws about
It takes you in
And spits you out
It spits you out
When you desire
To conquer it
To feel you're higher
To follow it
You must be clean
With mistakes
That you do mean
Move the heart
Switch the pace
Look for what seems out of place

On and on it goes
Calling like a distant wind
Through the zero hour we'll walk
Cut the thick and break the thin
No sound to break no moment clear
When all the doubts are crystal clear
Crashing hard into the secret wind

You know the way
It twists and turns
Changing colour
Spinning yarns
You know the way
It leaves you dry
It cuts you up
It takes you high
You know the way
It's painted gold
Is it honey
Is it gold
You know the way
It throws about
It takes you in
And spits you out
You know the way
It throws about
It takes you in
And spits you out
It spits you out
When you desire
To conquer it
To feel you're higher
To follow it
You must be clean
With mistakes
That you do mean
Move the heart
Switch the pace
Look for what
Seems out of place

It's o.k.
It goes this way
The line is thin
It twists away
Cuts you up
It throws about
Keep me walking
But never shout.

Yeah Baby

Real life action hero:

Man survives car plunge, escapes train collision

A 23-year-old man narrowly escaped death this morning when a train crushed the car he had just got out of in the Melbourne suburb of Toorak.

At 5.30am AEST the man lost control of his Ford Fairmont car and crashed over a 20 to 30 metre embankment at the end of Kooyong Road.

He was dazed but got out before a city-bound train slammed into his car crushing it almost beyond recognition.

The young man has been taken to hospital with minor injuries and police hope to interview him later.

About 20 people on the train were trapped for an hour as doors closed automatically but they and the driver escaped without injury.

WOW. Totally studly. (I liked Fark's synopsis: "Man survives car's plunge over 90 ft embankment onto railway tracks, gets out of car just before speeding train hits it, flips Darwin the bird.")

Oil Over Environment

Yep, Bush is taking care of our environment all right. Systematically destroying and abusing it in order to ruthlessly exploit it. Don't worry, Bush will take care of it. Bush will make sure that there's an earth left for our children and grandchildren to live on. Bush will make sure there is clean water to drink and un-polluted air to breath. As long as those priorities don't get in the way of the interests of his corporate assistance program.

Now, I've heard republicans spouting off before about how Bush has a commendable environmental record. I challenge anyone to prove that this man cares one iota for the environment or that he would place environmental safety and preservation concerns over the concerns of his oil and energy interests.

He sure does have everything straightened out.

Update 8/27/04: An article in BBC said this today:

On the environment, Mr Bush appeared unfamiliar with an administration report delivered to Congress this week which suggested that carbon dioxide emissions were the only likely explanation for global warming over the last 30 years, said the newspaper.

Mr Bush in the past has said there are uncertainties in understanding the causes of global warming.

Asked why the administration had changed its mind on the causes of global warming, Mr Bush replied: "Ah, we did? I don't think so."

I'm sorry....WHAT? Does the President of the United States have a clue what is going on in his own administration? Sounds like a classic case of the left hand not knowing what the right hand is doing. Another shameful quote to add to the W hall of fame.

The Bottom of It

Cutting right to the chase.

Yes, there are so many reasons not to vote for Bush, we can barely keep track of them all. But if there's one issue that should be important to all voters, republican and democrat alike, it is the fact that this son-of-a-goats-ass (sorry to Babs and 41 - but it be true), is so goddamn stupid. It's a real problem. One that needs to be taken care of first and foremost in order to start fixing the rest of our problems.

Just think of Bush's excruciating stupidity as a giant roadblock in the path to a better America. Because that's exactly what it is. Sooo, aside from the myriad other problems with this administration and its policies, let's not forget the importance of having a thoughtful, intelligent leader who is capable of weighing all of his or her options and who puts the wellbeing of the people before personal political and financial ambition and committing to hasty and ill conceived acts of pre-emptive aggression.

Liberal, and Proud of It

Take your political pulse!

My favorite part of this little presentation is having it pointed out that conservatives/Bush supporters have gone out of their way to peg "liberal" as a dirty word. I don't understand the purpose of this. I don't understand why "liberal" would be a dirty word. I am more disgusted with the republican agenda every day (if that's at all possible). How could anyone work so hard to glorify the principles of selfishness, greed, violence and self-entitlement, while painting the principles of compassion, peace, equality and tolerance (the founding principles of this country) as something to sneer at and ridicule? It boggles the mind.

Deer and Dog

My aunt sent me these pictures today of this baby deer and a dog and they were so cute that I had to post it. Don't worry, I'm not going to turn into Jonathan with the dog pics, but this one was just exceptionally adorable and I had to share.

F#@%^&*@UCKERS!!!

Being bombarded with spam in my comments section. Feeling seriously homicidal right now. I wish death and an eternity of misery on anyone who spams my comments. I like to imagine that in Spammer Hell, the damned spammer will be subjected to incessant pop-up demons and relentless auditory spam. An eternity of hearing "want a bigger penis? Too bad. You're in hell." "Cheat on your wife with a 12 year old! - Oh wait, you already did." "Take prozac, it'll make you feel better! - Just kidding, you're already fucked from here to eternity!" "Visit my website for a good time! - Psyke." "Come play blackjack! With Satan. Good luck!" "Online Casino - Don't You Wish!" "Viagra: Makes your dick hard! So hard, it'll snap right off!"

I need to start putting up some defenses. These parasites are out of control.

Dropping In

Too busy to write today. Didn't read the news at all. Came right home and cooked dinner. I feel slightly out of touch, but I've been sitting and typing all day long and my back and neck are rebelling against me. I have to lay down.

Kathleen and I did end up going to the beach yesterday. We had such a great time. We packed sandwiches and beers and I had the brilliant idea of slicing up a (sinfully) ripe mango and sticking it in the freezer the night before, so we had yummy frozen mango to eat while basking in the hot sun. It was a Martha Stewartesque moment of genius, and it turned out amazing. We started calling it "mango sex" because it was that good. Mmmm, Mango Sex. Slurpy, sweet, icey mango. We savored every morsel and every last drop of nectar.

We took a roll of photos. It was such a picturesque day. Coney Island is always sort of picturesque. I just love sitting there and watching all the sailboats drifting along and the ships and barges far off in the distance heading into the harbor. I like hearing and watching children playing in the sand, all the colored umbrellas as far as the eye can see, and of course, the backdrop of the Coney Island Carnival and boardwalk. I'll post the photos as soon as I get them back from the developer.

I'll be back to catch up tomorrow. Hopefully it will be a slightly less hectic day and I'll have a chance to check up on the news and see what's up in B-town.

Please Send Sunshine

I really need to complain. This weather sucks. I hate summer in New York. I'm starting to feel like I live in Seattle. Rain rain rain. That's all it does on the weekends here. It better be sunny tomorrow or I'm just going to throw myself down on the ground and kick and scream like a two year old. I've spent all day cleaning, listening to music and finishing up miscellaneous projects. That's all fine and good, but I really want to be swimming and floating and basking in sunshine, like you're supposed to in the middle/end of August. It's like some cruel joke to punish New Yorkers for being bastards all year long.

Update: Forecast for tomorrow says sunny, 79 degrees, zero precipitation. YAY!!! Kathleen and I made plans to go to the beach. If it rains now, I will have to kill the weatherman. (I think they have set a record this year for highest number of inaccurate forecasts).

Cocktails & Dirty

I've always loved making cocktails. Never been a bartender, but I like to have a stocked liquor cabinet and mixing drinks for my friends. I like to experiment. Not the way Rob likes to experiment, throwing things together all helter skelter, creating a similar affect to the one that occurs when you mix every primary color together and make something that resembles muddy water. His "muddy water" usually comes out with a deadly alcohol content. He has taken bartending courses in the past, but once he starts getting creative it might not be pretty. I have a more innately meticulous approach. I favor vodka, white rum and various liqeurs and infused spirits. I almost always pass on gin or scotch, but other than that, I've been known to mix some tasty drinks with whatever is available. I still don't know how to feel about my Tuaca and lemon iced tea mixture. They go well together, but I still feel sort of weird about drinking canned iced tea with any liquor. I have to admit I've always been fairly indiscriminate about alcohol. But I really draw the line at gin. That shit is disgusting and terrible for you. And I despise the taste of scotch and whiskey.

Last night Kat invited me to go to a film screening in Chelsea, but it was short notice and I didn't feel like rushing back to Manhattan, so instead I chose to spend the evening with myself, doing whatever struck my fancy. After one Tuaca with Nestea (I know, I know. It sounds terrible. Seriously though, it's not bad if you just throw them together with some ice in a shaker, shake the shit out of it and pour it into a martini glass. It's no good to drink with the ice in it, but it may be okay if you used real fresh-made iced tea.) It's a dangerous mixture though. Tuaca can really kick your ass. Which is why I mixed it with iced tea, because drinking it straight can seem like a good idea, and granted, it's perfect for shots when you're out drinking, but it's serious business. So I drank that little Tuaca-tail without having any dinner in my stomach. Hmmm. Time to get with the program. Took a quick walk down to Pete's Pizzaria - hey it was Friday - and sat down to two slices of pepperoni and a glass of root beer. I love their pizza with a passion. I watched the olympic swimming competition on TV while inhaling both slices.

When I left Pete's, I walked down to the bodega to get some coffee for the morning and managed to talk myself into stopping next door at my local bar for a corona to top off the pizza. I haven't been in for months. Place gets old freakin quick, but it's the only alternative to all the meatmarkets in my neighborhood. The only people in there were Kevin the bartender, and some jerky who hangs out there regularly for years and talks at top volume through his huge graucho face. He gets mighty obnoxious when he's drunk. And it was early. He honestly looks like he's wearing one of those Graucho Marx masks, except that he's a really big guy with a thick head of steeley grey hair, and his glasses, gargantuan schnoz and equally proportionate mustache are not a mask, but actually belong to his face.

The conversation was pretty casual at first. I like Kevin. He's my favorite bartender there because he adds good music to the jukebox and is a down to earth, decent person. I sat and talked to them for about a half hour before the conversation found it's way to women and dating. We were mostly talking about the expectations that are placed on women as they get older, to stay beautiful, whereas men don't face the same type of pressure. They just move on to younger women. Graucho shared a little too much information when he came out and informed us that he treats himself to a 20-year-old hooker at least once a month. "It's a hundred and fifty dollars, I get a girl who's 20 years old and she does what I tell her to do." I had to admire his honesty, but I was also a little grossed out by the entire image of some poor young maiden being required to have sex with this schlub, much less taking orders from him, so I took the opportunity to excuse myself to the restroom. When I came back, he was finishing up telling Kevin about how it feels kind of wrong. Kevin said "Yeah. Like you're taking advantage?" And Graucho said "Yeah, maybe, or just like, I get something out of it and she doesn't. It just feels kind of wrong."

I have slightly mixed feelings about the whole prostitution thing. I hate the thought of young girls walking the street, being exposed to extreme danger such as rape, assault, diseases and death. I hate the thought of any person selling their body to afford drugs or alcohol. I think that in a controlled and safe environment like a legitimately operated whorehouse, I don't really object to it as much. It still kinda grosses me out. I'm sorry. I just think it's sad that any woman would have to sacrifice her own dignity in that way, but in that context I view it more as a personal choice. Walking the streets just seems like a terrible idea any way you look at it. I feel similarly about pornography. At the same time that it would never be a personal choice that I would make for myself to be involved in pornography, I don't feel right in condemning others that do, whether it be stripping, hardcore film or whatever else. I do think that women in that business need to take more control and demand better treatment. But then again, it's not exactly a business you get into for the integrity and respect you receive from your employees and co-workers. I'm interested in what my readers think of prostitution and pornography.

I didn't stop and judge this man for sharing this piece of information about himself. He was drunk and being honest and revealed a darker side, so whatever. Then we moved on to talking about homeopathic and natural healing. That's when he started insisting on all kinds of things he knew nothing about. When I let him know that I wasn't interested in having a conversation about the merit of homeopathic remedies with a person who was totally uneducated on the subject and had never himself had any encounters with homeopathic healing or those who subscribe to that form of medicinal treatment, he became extremely surly with me and told me I'm stupid. Men sometimes do this. Sometimes get angry with women when they assert their own knowledge and power and the man feels the need to crush the woman, so he hurls insults. It's a long held tradition of self entitled dominance. It took a lot of self control to suppress my natural instinct to throw my drink in his face after he called me stupid. But instead I just took one last sip of my beer, set it down and walked out, saying goodbye on my way out. That was quite enough of that business.

I went and bought a can of coffee and some dish soap, and walked home. That was all the excitement I was going to get on this Friday night.

Ode to the Dead

Yay! Would you look at that? Another Friday. I feel guilty for spending an entire week anticipating this day. Strangely, feeling guilty in itself is a waste. Life is so short. We should be cherishing every second. But instead I spend much of the week saying "hurry up week. I want Friday, Saturday and Sunday." Those are the only days I want. The rest I can do without. But that's not fair. Because when we're on our last leg, we'll all regret it. We're going to regret sitting at desks, staring out windows at magnificent whether, or rain -- (It doesn't really matter. In the spring and summer everyone says "it's so beautiful I just want to be outside!" In the fall and winter they say "I just want to be at home curled up cozy and warm!" People can't be pleased) -- anticipating the weekend.

Honestly, Fridays can be rough though. They tend to be very busy because everyone has things they have to do before the weekend starts. A lot of hustle and bustle on Fridays. But then it's over and there is this huge sigh of relief. Phew. Wow. I get to stay up as late as I want tonight. I can sleep-in tomorrow if I want. But as you inch closer to Sunday, the anxiety sets in. Damn. I don't want to go back to work. And the cycle begins all over. I hate that kind of monotony. I love routine, hate monotony. Is that a problem? I really scold myself during the week when I find myself thinking or saying "is it Friday yet?" I am 25 years old, going on 26 in Sept. Time is flying by. I remember when I was 18, giving birthday cards to friends who were turning 25 and joking "shit, you're halfway to fifty! Ha-ha-ha." Doesn't seem so funny now, does it muthafucka. Now, as I think, "oh shit! I'm not 18 anymore, I am at least a quarter of the way through with my lifetime. Fuck," I simultaneously try to remind myself of how lucky I am that I’m still so young and hopefully have a lot of unknown adventure ahead. I know this is not news for many people, but here I am, having that quintessential mid-twenties crisis for the first time. I've always been obsessed with death and the human life experience, but I still dread getting old and still heartily exist within the "oh my god, I'm getting old and I'm going to die" phase, rather than the "I feel so content and I'm ready to go to the next level" phase. My mom says that doesn't happen until you're at least 40. But I heard a girl in her late twenties say it the other day and I was riveted.

I have a lot of really intense fears and thoughts about death. If you don't like reading about death, don't bother going further at this junction. My brother and I witnessed the tragic accidental drowning of our grandmother when we were very little kids. That was my first experience encountering death as a phenomenon. I didn't know about it before that day. The entire sequence of events has remained lucid in my memory for nearly 22 years. I remember the incident, my brother and I standing there as the panic unfolded, my mother leaping fully dressed into the swimming pool. I remember sitting on a little loveseat with my dad's arms around me, seeing the lights of the ambulance flashing around the room. I remember the days after. The feeling of hopelessness, loss and self-blame. (Amazing to think that even a four year old can sit there beating themselves up for something that is not their fault). I remember many teary nights, my dad always there, comforting me, saying, "it's okay honey. Everything is gonna be okay." I didn't go to her grave. I was too small I guess.

Death is hard. I didn't encounter it again until I was a teenager. My mother's stepdad died. Buddy. We loved him. He was a wonderful person. The knowledge of his passing obviously did not affect me the same way the death of my dad's mother had, though it was not a pleasant revelation by any means. My great aunt Esther died at 93. Not so hard to cope with. Then one day I came home from work at the age of 21 and there was a message on the kitchen table. It said "Diana. Mountain View Cemetery tomorrow." My friend Diana had been hit by a truck and killed. I went to her funeral the next day. It was terrible. She was young and beautiful and charitable and so many people knew her and loved her. Her boyfriend was crippled with grief. Everyone said a few words about her, and for the first time, I stood at a grave and cried the heaviest tears of sadness that I could remember feeling since I was that little girl being cradled by daddy.

Nick was the person who told me about Tyler's death. I was living with a couple girlfriends and Nick would stop by and visit occasionally. I'd known him for many years. He was slightly younger than me. He'd recently been in a car accident and had various run-ins with the law for relatively minor things. We represented him in a couple matters at our law firm. So he broke the news to me about the discovery of Tyler's body and I don't remember anything after that except laying in my bed, crying and staring out the window at a vibrant moon, hearing my roommate belting out "Midnight Sonata" on her piano.

Tyler was my second friend. Ever. My first friend ever was Uma. My mother was close friends with Uma's mother Carolyn and Tyler's mother Ruth. Uma was born in November, a couple months after me. Tyler was born on the first day of the new year in 1979. We were playmates as children, until my parents moved my siblings and I to L.A.. When I moved back to Oregon from California as a teenager, Tyler and I became close friends all over again. At 21 years old, on June 13, 2000, he died of an accidental overdose of liquid morphine. I wrote about his death in an email to Darcie, who was living in New Orleans at the time, and the following day, I read what I had written at his funeral. There was no holding back the tears and the grief. Many, many people attended the funeral and were genuinely hurt by his death.

Only a few months after I moved to New York, I spoke to my brother on the phone and he told me that Nick had shot and killed himself in Cantwell's, one of the local supermarkets. I suppose everyone privately speculated about the true reason for his actions, but the reality is that we will never know anything except that many of us witnessed his suffering individually and it all came to a terrible climax with that…and nothing more. Then Petie died. And Steve died. And Darren died. I knew Petie very well. He was a wonderful little trollface. Always loved Petie. He was a great person and no one who knew him will ever forget it. One minute he was there, walking up the path alongside Lost Creek Lake, the next minute, he was gone. Off the side of the cliff. No one ever knew if he jumped or fell. Steve was so young and musically talented and fought with cancer his whole life until it suddenly and unexpectedly overtook him one day. Darren scared me really bad when I was not in my right mind one time, but in general, he was a decent fellow. Certainly shouldn't have died from self-inflicted carbon monoxide poisoning.

Death is hard. Even the deaths of people you don't know. That's hard. The worst are deaths that are not self inflicted on any level. People’s lives literally stolen from them and their loved ones. You read about a serial killer and you think of the poor girls that he butchered and it makes you so sad, not just because he was a sick fuck, but because those people lost their lives in an untimely fashion. You think of the people who were killed in the Oklahoma City bombing or in Bath, Michigan in the 20s, or the World Trade Center in 2001, and it's horrifying, not just for the magnitude of the deed, but for the lives that were ripped away. We don't see many of the images of the murdered and maimed Iraqis and American soldiers in Iraq, and it's under-reported, but we know it's happening. Maybe if people spent a little more time thinking about the death and suffering that is occurring there and how badly it hurts to lose a loved one of their own, they would spend a little less time rooting for this war. Sometimes I think if people were more predisposed to getting in touch with the reality of the deaths and the vivid nightmares that are playing out there, that they would not be so supportive of this senseless, messy war. And those who do lose loved ones there and believe it’s a worthy sacrifice…It seems like they should think again -- of the life and the love that the dead have been deprived of at the hands of a greedy government and fruitless battle. And what they themselves have lost. And whether or not it's worth it.

Bushisms

Excerpts from Washington Post 8/17/04

Earlier this month, President Bush was almost done with a speech to a group of minority journalists when he dropped a rather startling proposal.

"We actually misnamed the war on terror," he said. "It ought to be the Struggle Against Ideological Extremists Who Do Not Believe in Free Societies Who Happen to Use Terror as a Weapon to Try to Shake the Conscience of the Free World."

Or, if you prefer to abbreviate, SAIEWDNBIFSWHTUTAAWTTTSTCOTFW.

Speaking [at the same] meeting of minority journalists in Washington on Aug. 6, President Bush said:

"I cut the taxes on everybody. I didn't cut them. The Congress cut them. I asked them to cut them." (Ron Edmonds -- AP)

Bush, in the brief but forceful way he summed up his candidacy in Davenport, Iowa:

"We stand for things."

Bush offered a curious wish for his audience in Oregon:

"I hope you leave here and walk out and say, 'What did he say?'"

Bush in discussion of Iran policy last week:

"As you know, we don't have relationships with Iran. I mean, that's -- ever since the late '70s, we have no contacts with them, and we've totally sanctioned them. In other words, there's no sanctions -- you can't -- we're out of sanctions."

In that same session, Bush might have listeners worried about their civil liberties when he ran into plural trouble:

"Let me put it to you bluntly," he ventured. "In a changing world, we want more people to have control over your own life."

Bush could be heard joking about an attempted ax murder of Iraqi Prime Minister Ayad Allawi and his wife:

"He wakes up one night and an ax-wielding group of men tried to hatchet him to death, or ax him to death. I guess, you don't hatchet somebody with an ax. And you don't ax them with a hatchet. He wakes up, the glint of the blade coming at him, and he gets cut badly, escapes. The guy hit his wife, who never recovered, really."

Discrimination?

"I knew this was going to be an issue in our country, that there would be people that say, 'There goes a Muslim-looking person.'"

Immigration reform?

"I have talked about it lately. I talked about it this winter."

War?

"I wish I wasn't the war president. Who in the heck wants to be a war president? I don't."

Sure you don't.

Good Resource

I really like this link in the Washington Post: Comparing the Candidates. It's a great source for point-by-point information delineating the positions of both John Kerry and George W. Bush on the issues that matter.

Shut It

Well it sure sounds like Larry Thurlow is a bitter man bent towards exacting revenge on John Kerry for his anti-war activities by painting him as a liar.

As we all know, the republican campaign has resorted to trying to discredit Kerry's military record, as they have no positive platform of their own. What remains highly ironic about the whole scenario is the hypocricy that is always prevelant in the rightwing attacks. Not a single person has come forward, (even despite Doonesbury's offer of $10,000 to any person who would) who could credibly vouch that they served with George W. Bush. It astounds me that Bush supporters would even have the gall to turn around and attempt to dismiss the well-documented and honored service of John Kerry. Meanwhile, Bush's life and military service are a documented failure from start to finish, if not for the many breaks and boosts that he received as a result of his family's stature.

Bush supporters bash Kerry for being rich, when Bush's family is also extremely rich. They bash Kerry for his special interests, when Bush's family has more special interest baggage than just about anyone alive. The hypocricy is suffocating. But this attack on Kerry's military record takes the cake in the game of dispicable tactics. And I don't seem to be the only person who think so.

Military Documents Cast Doubt on Kerry Critic's Version of Combat, Published Report Says

The Associated Press

WASHINGTON (AP) - Military records appear to contradict claims by a vocal critic of Sen. John Kerry that the Democratic presidential candidate lied about coming under gunfire during a mission in Vietnam, according to The Washington Post. The newly obtained records of Larry Thurlow show that he, like Kerry, won a Bronze Star for the same engagement and that Thurlow's citation said he came under "constant small arms fire," the newspaper reported Thursday.

Thurlow, also like Kerry, commanded a Navy Swift boat during the war. Thurlow swore in an affidavit last month that Kerry was "not under fire" when he rescued Lt. James Rassmann from the Bay Hap River.

Thurlow's records, obtained by the Post under the Freedom of Information Act, include references to "enemy small arms and automatic weapons fire" directed at all five boats in the flotilla that day. In his Bronze Star citation, Thurlow is praised for helping a damaged Swift boat "despite enemy bullets flying about him."

Thurlow is a leading member of Swift Boat Veterans for Truth, a public advocacy group of Vietnam veterans who have aired a television advertisement attacking Kerry's war record.

Kerry has described how his boat came under fire from the river banks after a mine explosion disabled another U.S. Swift boat. Kerry and members of his crew say the firing continued as Kerry leaned over to fish out Rassman, who was blown overboard in another explosion.

Thurlow described Kerry's Bronze Star citation as "totally fabricated," saying "I never heard a shot."

Thurlow, a registered Republican, said he is angry with Kerry for his antiwar activities after his return to the United States, especially his claim that U.S. troops committed war crimes with the knowledge of their officers up the chain of command.

Thurlow told the Post that he got the award for helping to rescue the boat that was mined.

"This casts doubt on anybody's awards," he said. "It is sickening and disgusting."

He said he believed his award would be fraudulent if it was based on coming under enemy fire.

"We weren't under fire," he insisted.

Thurlow said he lost his Bronze Star citation more than 20 years ago. He said he would not authorize release of his military records because he feared the Kerry campaign would discredit him.

Members of Kerry's crew have said Kerry is telling the truth. Rassman said he has vivid memories of enemies firing at him from both banks.

Also:

KerryEdwards Campaign Debunks False Swift Boat Attacks

Pops

Look! It's my dad! On page six of the August 9th issue of the National Law Journal! Go DAD!

Child Of Fortune

Whenever I visit my mom's site, which isn't nearly often enough, I come across so many things that strike my fancy, amaze me and draw me in, that I almost don't visit for fear that I will never get back out again. Her site has received such an enormous amount of traffic recently and you can see why. It runneth over with such an incredible abundance of information, art, poetry, pictures, bulletin posts, links to other sites, even entire books can be read using the online library. It's truly an astounding site, and I feel so proud of my parents, mostly my mother, that it is their creation. As you can imagine, a site like that is not something you work on occasionally or at night when you get home from work. It is something that you DO every day, as your primary activity. Aside from running this amazing site, my mother tapdances to Marilyn Manson or the Red Hot Chili Peppers, when she's not playing the baby grand my dad gave to her for their 30th wedding anniversary or taking computer graphics lessons. I envy her. Yet she has worked hard, and endured much to get to this place of contentment in her life. So I also applaud her. It's not mother's day, but I'm taking the opportunity to recognize my mother for the wonderful, unique, talented person that she is.

On that note, following is a poem that my dad posted in one of the threads on her site that I found to be heart stopping. This is not one of his poems and I won't start in on how much I love my dad, because then the violin will start playing and I will never run out of things to say, nor would I run out of links to post in relation to my endless gushing. So we'll just leave it at that and move on to this work of genius by Allen Ginsberg:

America, by Allen Ginsberg

America I've given you all and now I'm nothing.
America two dollars and twenty-seven cents January 17, 1956.
I can't stand my own mind.
America when will we end the human war?
Go fuck yourself with your atom bomb
I don't feel good don't bother me.
I won't write my poem till I'm in my right mind.
America when will you be angelic?
When will you take off your clothes?
When will you look at yourself through the grave?
When will you be worthy of your million Trotskyites?
America why are your libraries full of tears?
America when will you send your eggs to India?
I'm sick of your insane demands.
When can I go into the supermarket and buy what I need with my good looks?
America after all it is you and I who are perfect not the next world.
Your machinery is too much for me.
You made me want to be a saint.
There must be some other way to settle this argument.
Burroughs is in Tangiers I don't think he'll come back it's sinister.
Are you being sinister or is this some form of practical joke?
I'm trying to come to the point.
I refuse to give up my obsession.
America stop pushing I know what I'm doing.
America the plum blossoms are falling.
I haven't read the newspapers for months, everyday somebody goes on trial for
murder.
America I feel sentimental about the Wobblies.
America I used to be a communist when I was a kid and I'm not sorry.
I smoke marijuana every chance I get.
I sit in my house for days on end and stare at the roses in the closet.
When I go to Chinatown I get drunk and never get laid.
My mind is made up there's going to be trouble.
You should have seen me reading Marx.
My psychoanalyst thinks I'm perfectly right.
I won't say the Lord's Prayer.
I have mystical visions and cosmic vibrations.
America I still haven't told you what you did to Uncle Max after he came over
from Russia.

I'm addressing you.
Are you going to let our emotional life be run by Time Magazine?
I'm obsessed by Time Magazine.
I read it every week.
Its cover stares at me every time I slink past the corner candystore.
I read it in the basement of the Berkeley Public Library.
It's always telling me about responsibility. Businessmen are serious. Movie
producers are serious. Everybody's serious but me.
It occurs to me that I am America.
I am talking to myself again.

Asia is rising against me.
I haven't got a chinaman's chance.
I'd better consider my national resources.
My national resources consist of two joints of marijuana millions of genitals
an unpublishable private literature that goes 1400 miles and hour and
twentyfivethousand mental institutions.
I say nothing about my prisons nor the millions of underpriviliged who live in
my flowerpots under the light of five hundred suns.
I have abolished the whorehouses of France, Tangiers is the next to go.
My ambition is to be President despite the fact that I'm a Catholic.

America how can I write a holy litany in your silly mood?
I will continue like Henry Ford my strophes are as individual as his
automobiles more so they're all different sexes
America I will sell you strophes $2500 apiece $500 down on your old strophe
America free Tom Mooney
America save the Spanish Loyalists
America Sacco & Vanzetti must not die
America I am the Scottsboro boys.
America when I was seven momma took me to Communist Cell meetings they
sold us garbanzos a handful per ticket a ticket costs a nickel and the
speeches were free everybody was angelic and sentimental about the
workers it was all so sincere you have no idea what a good thing the party
was in 1935 Scott Nearing was a grand old man a real mensch Mother
Bloor made me cry I once saw Israel Amter plain. Everybody must have
been a spy.
America you don're really want to go to war.
America it's them bad Russians.
Them Russians them Russians and them Chinamen. And them Russians.
The Russia wants to eat us alive. The Russia's power mad. She wants to take
our cars from out our garages.
Her wants to grab Chicago. Her needs a Red Reader's Digest. her wants our
auto plants in Siberia. Him big bureaucracy running our fillingstations.
That no good. Ugh. Him makes Indians learn read. Him need big black niggers.
Hah. Her make us all work sixteen hours a day. Help.
America this is quite serious.
America this is the impression I get from looking in the television set.
America is this correct?
I'd better get right down to the job.
It's true I don't want to join the Army or turn lathes in precision parts
factories, I'm nearsighted and psychopathic anyway.
America I'm putting my queer shoulder to the wheel.

Guest Post

Nunya posted this in a thread yesterday, and I felt it was well deserving of it's own post. Bravo Nunya

Today, in the midst of a few pop-up windows that squeezed by my filter, I was so rudely interrupted by one that caught my eye. A picture of a stern faced bush looking down upon his minions and beside it a web form asking you to send the following message to your congressman:

"Dear Member of Congress

I am deeply concerned about the status of the United States healthcare system. Costs are escalating rapidly. At the same time, it’s getting more and more difficult for patients like me to get an appointment with a doctor near home.

I support President Bush’s approach to solving this problem—medical liability reform. The fact is, thousands of frivolous medical lawsuits are filed each year by individuals hoping to “hit the lottery” with a big court award. Even though fewer than 10% ever make trial, the costs of defending against these suits are high—and are ultimately passed down to patients. What’s worse, when physicians can no longer afford the rising cost of liability insurance, they simply retire, leave the area, or limit the treatment they offer—leaving patients in many areas without adequate access to medical care.

The great thing about liability reform is that there are no losers—except the trial lawyers. Patients with legitimate suits will be able to recover unlimited economic damages to cover future medical expenses, lost wages, etc. Non-economic damages, like “pain and suffering,” would be capped at $250,000.

This is a reasonable proposal that will have a positive impact on our healthcare system, and I encourage you, as my elected representative in Congress, to do everything in your power to get it passed. Thank you for your time."

Forget the glaringly obvious problems (see "corporate pandering") that exist. Let me bring it down by quoting this so called letter:

"I am deeply concerned about the status of the United States healthcare system. Costs are escalating rapidly. At the same time, it’s getting more and more difficult for patients like me to get an appointment with a doctor near home."

You cannot argue with most of the points here, however, I live in the suburbs of a mid sized southern area and my doctor is right around the corner from me, granted, I do not have an HMO - which if I did, of course I would have to go traveling because HMO's are now housed in what resemble "corporate malls" tucked away in business parks - they no longer resemble doctors offices and you are no longer treated like a patient. Also, you will most likely be seen by a Nurse Practitioner or a Physicians Assistant anyway.

"I support President Bush’s approach to solving this problem—medical liability reform. The fact is, thousands of frivolous medical lawsuits are filed each year by individuals hoping to “hit the lottery” with a big court award"

It is amazing how even some of the most hard core republicans over the years had alternate methods of solving the healthcare cost problems in this country, just as the dems did, but along comes YeeHaw Cowboy Bush and his God Given answer to solving a nearly unsolvable problem is "liability reform." And these "frivolous" claims? Where are they? Can we see some of them? Is it frivolous if someone has a scalpel left inside of them? Is it frivolous if a nurse gives the wrong medication to a patient that has an allergic reaction and dies? And I LOVE the "big court reward" - more on that later.

"Even though fewer than 10% ever make trial, the costs of defending against these suits are high—and are ultimately passed down to patients."

Ever wonder why the other 90% of these cases never went to trial? Perhaps they were not so "frivolous" after all. The insurance companies also have super-lawyers on their payrolls - and when those super lawyers advise "hey, we will never win this case in trial, lets settle" I think they know what they are talking about. Granted, there are some cases that are "frivolous" if not fraudulent, but that goes with the territory when you have a private insurance industry. And the costs no matter what are ALWAYS handed down to the patients, but most of those costs are for the offset of the care for very sick patients (cancer treatment, transplant, etc.) not because of lawsuits. Health care insurance is very lucrative industry. It is a money maker.

"What’s worse, when physicians can no longer afford the rising cost of liability insurance, they simply retire, leave the area, or limit the treatment they offer—leaving patients in many areas without adequate access to medical care."

1) In case they haven't noticed, most doctors no longer have private practices. They are either working for a hospital healthcare system, an HMO, or become specialists working under a system - all which pay for the liability insurance for them. They are not leaving, retiring, etc. There is simply a big squeeze for health care workers in all areas. And as well, the number of doctors (not even good ones) coming out of medical school are dwindling because a) the school is too long b) too difficult. Also, people see the insane hours residents have to work and decide against becoming doctors. The pay rate doesn't amount to a whole lot when you are working 90 hour weeks. They also realize the wealth and prestige is a myth. Folks years ago didn't become doctors for money first, they became doctors for the love of helping people. Folks just don't generally feel that way anymore. Everything is "how much can I make?" And adequate access - there are more hospitals available to folks then ever before.

"The great thing about liability reform is that there are no losers—except the trial lawyers. Patients with legitimate suits will be able to recover unlimited economic damages to cover future medical expenses, lost wages, etc. Non-economic damages, like “pain and suffering,” would be capped at $250,000."

This is the one that just kills me. You really have to be uneducated, living in a damn hole, super moron to buy into this. There are no losers involved. And patients with legit lawsuits will recover "unlimited economic damages" it is just the "non economic damages" that will be capped. Let me break this one down for you in case the idiot who came up with this letter didn't do it. An economic damage is something that is probably defined as:
1) Future Medical expenses
2) Lost wages

Non-economic is:

1) Pain and suffering

So, according to this "plan" of the pig Bush, let’s say a child who needs to go into a hospital for a high fever is given a medicine that clearly is stated on a medical chart that he or she is allergic to. The doctor, who has just got over a 32 hour shift, who is obviously tired and over worked (because the hospital will not hire more doctors) doesn't realize his error. The child dies from this medication - now there are no future medical expenses other than funeral arrangements and no lost wages, or as far as can been seen, no other "economical" expenses because after all, a child does not contribute economically to a family. So, this family, who brought their child in leaves without their child can only get $250,000 maximum for their pain and suffering (where as that is about the salary of new staff doctor fresh out of residency)? This is fair how?

"This is a reasonable proposal that will have a positive impact on our healthcare system, and I encourage you, as my elected representative in Congress, to do everything in your power to get it passed. Thank you for your time."

Let's get it straight. It will have a positive impact on the bottom line of the health care insurers. And do you think they will actually lower the costs? I worked for a health care insurance company - and when they had a huge profit one year, they could have given rebates to customers, even thought about it. Instead, they chose to give the CEO and the directors big bonuses and than invest the rest in the stock market and mutual funds.

In closing, our health care system is in a crisis. Why? Because some people think it is a system that should generate revenue. Some people think you should be able to get rich off of it. So naturally, it is treated like a business, when the moral thing to do is treat it like a service. Thus, it should be a funded service offered by the government to every citizen of this country. We have highway infrastructure that is maintained and upgraded better than we as humans are. After all, the bosses need you to get to work somehow. Imagine what a healthy workforce would do. Imagine what not having to pay unrealistic costs for insurance would do for the economy? Imagine what a government controlled healthcare workforce would do for nurses and doctors being forced to work 80 - 120 hour weeks. A well rested and well staffed workforce means a workforce that tends to make fewer mistakes.

And finally, let us be totally honest about where the REAL costs to the insurance companies are pounded from - drugs. The pharmaceuticals industry ADVERTISES prescription drugs on TV. And they don’t do it for your health and well being - they do it because they make billions off of this. And doctors are quick to prescribe whatever patients want. Why? Because the pharmaceuticals companies give kickbacks to doctors who tend to prescribe these products. And this is all legal.

Is it an easily solvable problem, healthcare reform? No. But I can guarantee you that "liability reform" is the step in the wrong direction.

Posted by nunya at August 16, 2004 10:32 PM

Gripe and Beg

My body feels like it is seriously just going to break into pieces. I've written about my lower back problems that started last August and have continued to bother me since then. Then there was the car accident.

It's amazing how when you are in a traumatic accident, your body and mind do not immediately register the damage that has been caused. I am a naturally very resiliant person. I always get up and brush myself off. I think I've been through a lot of crazy shit. And I've always been able to rise above it. If there's one thing I'm proud of in my own personal life, it's that. My drive to do better. To propel myself forward from the bad or difficult or just plain crazy things that have happened in my life. I guess that doesn't make me unique in this world, but it's an important part of my character. Many people possess a resiliance and will to forge ahead and I consider it a definite virtue and crucial to survival on a civilized level.

My point in bringing all this up, is that I am in a lot of physical pain. It's become a part of my everyday life and I'm trying to take the steps that I need to take to relieve the trauma that has been inflicted on my body. I admire people who take hold of their physical pain and/or disabilities and maintain a happy, energetic outlook on life. It astounds me that people can endure such tragedy and physical hardship, and still go on enjoying their lives. It's not easy, when you're hurting, to love life. I'm not saying I don't love my life. I feel so lucky. My biological grandfather was brain damaged in a car accident when my mother was a little girl. He lost everything dear to him. My mother's stepfather lost a leg in a car accident. He wore a prosthetic and was, until the day he died, a wonderful, sweet man. Cars are death machines. They kill people all the time. I was genuinely lucky that my accident left me only with a heavy ache in my neck and back. It could have been much worse.

After the accident, I didn't experience the pain almost at all until the next day. I was so determined to enjoy the rest of the fourth of July, that I couldn't be bothered to dwell on the frightening events that had taken place. It was in the morning when I woke up with images of the accident rushing back, the startling memory of complete terror and crushing impact, smoke and panic and the distinct determination to get through the accident itself. It was the next morning that I saw the bruises, all over my neck and shoulder where the seatbelt was, arms, elbows, hips, knees. Black and blue. My neck was stiff and sore. Hurt to move it to the left or right. The entire right side of my back felt seized up. I went for accupuncture, chiropractic and massage therapy immediately at a really great place in Ashland, Oregon. If you're looking for a good natural healer, that's the place to go. These people did wonders for me. (Unfortunately, I was only on vacation, and that particular clinic is 3,000 miles away.) The accupuncture amazed me. It relieved the pain in a way that chiropractic adjustments never could. I know this is not a great revelation. Many people swear by accupuncture, but this was my first time and the person who did it knew precisely what she was doing, so it turned out to be a very good experience. If only I could find someone like her in NY.

That's my great quest now. To find the best doctor. And I'm not talking about one of these schmucks who wants to cut your back open and tinker with your neck and spine and then sew you back up and pump you full of pharmaceuticals. I avoid pills like the plague, so throughout this whole ordeal I haven't touched any pain medication other than ibuprofin. I just need a good doctor, who understands bones and backs and necks, really well, and prescribes to the methods and techniques of natural/homeopathic healing. The person I'm seeing now is not going to do the job and as soon as I get my MRI results, I'm ready to take them to someone who can help.

If anyone knows a doctor or healer who comes highly recommended in or around NYC, that'd be great. :o)

Shame

If you haven't already seen President Bush fumbling like the complete imbecile that he so righteously is, then you must not have access to television, internet or newspapers of any kind. Not that there's anything wrong with that. But if you've seen it and you don't think that it's a problem, I can only conclude that you are as hopeless as he. This man is so severely uneducated that it hurts me to hear him speak. The thought of ANY political representative, much less the President of the United States, answering a question -- that he should be fully able to answer articulately and concisely -- like this, is simply astounding.

I have heard many a Bush supporter dismissing their leader's routine massacre of the english language, and brushing off his inability to answer questions in a manner that we can understand, as nothing of great importance. "You don't have to be a great speaker to be president!" Yeah. Well that's apparent. I guess if you live in a country where standards for everything outside of the material are so lost, then you can expect to have a leader of diminutive intelligence. But it is sad that people accept it. That their standards and expectations are so low that they don't even see a problem with the fact that our president does not know the meaning of the word "sovereignty" or the significance of such in the context which he is supposed to be addressing: the continuing plight of the Native American Indians. The funny thing is, if the same people who support Bush had to work in an office with someone as stupid as him, they'd go home every night and tell their families about it. "This idiot doesn't know how to do his job! He screws up everything that he's supposed to do and everyone else has to live with the consequences! And on top of it all, he's fucking illiterate!!!" But for some reason, these people hold lower standards for the President of the United States than they would for the average employee or co-worker.

Now you can sit back and say "well honey, you can't be smart all the time" or "it's not what he says that matters, it's what he means to say." But you know, I don't even think he knows what he means to say. I demand an intelligent president. A thoughtful, intelligent president who can tell his ass from a dry hole in the ground in Texas or at least one who can coherently answer a question. And if our standards have degraded to the point where we accept a president with such a non-existent grasp on the most fundamental issues in this country, then our educational system, both institutionally and privately, has become worse than even I thought.

"Question: What do you think tribal sovereignty means in the 21st century, and how do we resolve conflicts between tribes and the federal and the state governments?

President Bush: Tribal sovereignty means that; it's sovereign. You're a -- you've been given sovereignty, and you're viewed as a sovereign entity. And, therefore, the relationship between the federal government and tribes is one between sovereign entities."

Thank you for that. It's all so clear to me now.

Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious

That's the only way I can think of to describe it adequately in one word. I'm still soring after yesterday's madness. It was a truly legendary day in my life and that of my companions. So Kathleen, Frannie and I went to "Little Stevie's Underground Garage Festival" on Randall's Island. It was easy to get to. We just took the train to 125th Street in Harlem and buses were running constantly, taking people over to the island. We were there before we knew it. It was a cool venue. I've never been to Randall's Island before, even though I used to live on the little Island right down river from it, Roosevelt Island. Cirque De Soleil always performs at Randall's Island and I've always wanted to go, but never made it in the years I've lived here. (I saw in Santa Monica when I was a kid, but always wanted to go again. It's one of the most spectacular things on earth.) Anyway, the venue there was really nice. A big, lush, sprawling lawn lined with food and beverages and merchandising booths leading up to a great big stage. The whole field is surrounded by tall trees. It was very pleasant.

The people who attended the concert were pleasant too for the most part. It was a good crowd, with exception to the few who will always be there that can temporarily ruin it for those around them. We witnessed a few incidents, and were even party to one. One really drunk blonde was pushing on us and yelling at this guy next to her "you are a fu-CKING faggot!" then she punched him in the head and was led away by the rational fellow who was also there with them. She and dude #2 stood off for awhile and danced until she got a hankerin to come back to hit the "fucking faggot" in the head for a second time. She was dragged away once again. Hahaa! That was pretty funny.

Then there were the two girls that came barreling into our little space where we were standing and dancing and enjoying the Strokes' AMAZING performance. All of a sudden, these two dingbats come pushing and shoving and talking and taking pictures on their stupid cellphones. Incidentally, the one behind me consistently shoves her hand in front of my face in order to take pictures with her mobile phone. I try with body language to indicate that she is really violating my personal space and that of the people around me (there was no room where we were standing for these additional bodies in the first place). She doesn't get the hint with my elbow jabs and hip shoves. The hand comes up again, into my face, she is literally bouncing up on my back, I turn around and say "knock it off, get your cellphone out of my face. Thanks." She doesn't realize how serious I am. She brushes me off and says "why don't you just chill out?" (or something). I say "no. Keep it out of my face." I face forward again and continue dancing. The little tramp decides to antagonize me by putting the phone right back up just inches away in my peripheral line of vision. I reach up and clamp my hand onto the top of her phone, twist it around tight in my grip, and turn to face her. I put it to her then: "get your fucking phone out of my face before I fucking break it in half." She, again, tells me to chill out. I tell her I'm not chilling out. She had come rudely shoving her way up into our space and talking on her stupid phone and taking mobile pictures that for some reason required bumping up against me and my friends and shoving her hand/phone into my personal cranial perimeter and that now, if she didn't get the fuck away from me, I was going to snap her little cingular wireless or whatever the fuck right in half, right there and then. At this point she looked scared enough that I felt confident to let go my fierce grip on her phone and turn back around towards the band. Next time I checked, her and her friend had slunked away and we were, once again, left in peace. If it's possible to say without sounding egotistical, I felt quite triumphant, and the remarks of those around me made the blood pressure level worth it. Kathleen just stared at me for a few minutes before laughing and saying "wow Maria. You really told that bitch off." At one point this random girl behind me tapped my shoulder and said "I don't know you, but I just want to tell you that what you did was awesome. You told that bitch." Hahaaaa! Woooo! Some people just need to be told. (With a certain ruthlessness that sometimes seems to be the only way to get the point across).

The bands were utterly fantastic. Nearly every single band we heard was incredible. Bo Diddley blew us away. The Romantics blew us away. The Dictators, the Fuzztones, the Raveonettes, the New York Dolls, the Strokes! Oh my god. It was overwhelmingly euphoric. And those are only a few of the amazing bands that played. We drank a few beers and enjoyed hanging out on the grass when we weren't up in the thick of the crowd in front of the stage rocking our little bodies this way and that. The only really rotten scenario was the port-o-potties, but we just won't talk about that. The memory will haunt me for awhile to come.

The bands, the bands....what a beautiful thing they were. I felt so lucky to be standing there the entire time, that even after hours of standing and sitting and dancing and drinking and hollering and clapping and whistling and screaming, I never wanted it to stop. By the time the Strokes played, we were only a few feet from the front. They were phenomenal. By the time Iggy finally came on, the last, the headlining, the wildly anticipated, we were so full of energy and excitement. And then he came out and fucking rocked us. I mean rocked us like no one else could. He filled the space that no one else could fill, with all their amazing talent and incredible songs, he had the physical presence that is totally unique to him. That body. That swagger that looks like a result of scoliosis or one leg being ever so slightly longer than the other. The man looks like a god in tight, hip hugging blue jeans and not a thing else. His body is a sculpture of absolute perfection. His energy grabbed every single person in that crowd... and we went fucking nuts for him. He came right up to our side of the stage and I do swear that we made eye contact several times. He is so much WITH the crowd. He doesn't try to separate himself mentally, he tries to merge with this insane intensity. He stage dived soon after entering his first song. At one point people were trying to climb over the barrier to the security walkway in between the stage and the crowd and Iggy shouted "let them in!!! LET THEM IN! Let them on the stage! Come on! Let them in!!!" People were struck with fervor and just started pushing, grabbing, tumbling over one another to get over the barrier. We felt the crowd pushing at our backs, people eager to accept Iggy's invitation, eager to get a little closer to this idol. Kathleen and I made the mutual decision to climb over the barrier and join the rest of the maniacs at the stage directly in front of Iggy. It was chaos. I thought there might be a riot and it would be all Iggy's fault. But it didn't turn into a riot. Iggy had about twenty five or more people up on the stage with him, dancing their hearts out, and everyone else trying to get up there too, but eventually, order was restored. Though not before we got to stand up on a ledge for about fifteen minutes with an amazing view of the entire crowd, dancing the night away with Iggy as our saint, bringing the natural ecstacy of energy and music, and the virtue of abandoning rules and responsibility for just a little while, into all of our lives.

And then it was over. And we took our tired bodies home to rest. It's a brand new day today and yesterday is another incredible memory to store away and enjoy for the lifetime to come.

Oh yeah, and I forgot to mention that we ran into this girl, Ginger, from Ashland, Oregon who knows all the same people I know there. That was really random. She lives in L.A. now and flew all the way to NY to see this show. That amazed me. So Kathleen, Frannie and I took the train with her and all her friends from L.A. They were fun. Good company for the trip home. Small world!

Rock N' Roll Moves the Soul

Friday. It's finally here.

I am really excited to go to this garage rock fest tomorrow at Randall's Island. Iggy and the Stooges are headlining, as well as Bo Diddley, the Strokes, and the New York Dolls. Yes. I said tomorrow I am going to see Iggy Pop.

The Strokes

and the New York Dolls

In addition to numerous other classic acts. I feel like a little kid. I only wish my dad could be here to see this with me.

Kathleen is going to come and it's not supposed to rain. (Two very important components) So things should turn out just perfect.

Garage Rock Festival Hits New York

By LUKAS I. ALPERT
Associated Press Writer

NEW YORK — The spirit of garage rock infused both the three-chord anthems of the Ramones and the raw power of Iggy and the Stooges.

But aside from a few blips on the cultural radar, the simplistic formula and nothing-fancy attitude that defines garage rock has drifted to the fringes of musical history. Played in dingy garages and barrooms, it was mostly ignored by the mainstream.

Well, get your ear plugs ready.

That three-chord energy is set to shake the musical world's hips as 40 bands from legendary rocker Bo Diddley to revivalists the Strokes gather in New York to kick out the jams at the International Underground Garage Festival.

"Look, we've been drowning in mediocrity for too long," said Little Steven Van Zandt, who organized the festival and has championed all things garage for several years with a nationally syndicated radio show. "It's time to re-embrace the basics, that spirit of rock 'n' roll."

Every era of garage rock from the 1950s to the present day will be represented at Saturday's festival. For some bands it will be the first time they have performed together in years. And in keeping with garage rock character, tickets are only $20.

Van Zandt says the festival means garage rock's time has finally come.

"It really is an international movement and right now is the time to recognize this officially as a genre," said Van Zandt, Silvio Dante on HBO's "The Sopranos" and the guitarist from Bruce Sprinsteen's E Street Band. "We're in a unique place that rock 'n' roll has been pushed underground and now it is being reborn."

Despite its influence, defining garage rock has always been difficult, as it has constantly reinvented itself. But a few things have carried through: generally simple song structure, loud guitars and an attitude of rock-for-the-sake-of-rock.

"People sometimes mistake garage for kids playing out of tune," Van Zandt said. "It's that too, but there's a certain spirit, a certain simplicity. There is a pop element to it, a certain '60s pop structure. It's the Stones at the Crawdaddy Club in 1962. It's the Who at the Marquee Club. It's a little bit hard to describe."

Which perhaps explains why it has always played second or even third fiddle to easier to define genres like blues, heavy metal or hip-hop.

But it's garage's outsider status that has always branded it as cool, said Fabrizio Moretti, drummer for the Strokes.

"Even though the mainstream doesn't recognize garage as much or as prevalently as those crazy huge bands, garage does get the privilege of being looked upon as something that's cool even by people that don't understand it," he said.

And when the mainstream has grown tired of some of its mainstay pop formulas, it has always looked to garage for an adrenaline shot of hipness.

"Every once and a while there's a point where mainstream and garage kind of cross," Moretti said. "Joey Ramone said they had modeled their stuff after '50s pop songs, so there you go."

A wide variety of bands from different eras will come together next weekend: not just Bo Diddley and Iggy and the Stooges, but Nancy Sinatra, the Dictators, the Fuzztones and the Romantics.

Such contemporary acts as the Strokes and the Mooney Suzuki round out the bill.

But the festival's highlight no doubt will be the first U.S. appearance in nearly 30 years of the New York Dolls — whose cross-dressing proto-glam/punk approach was tremendously influential on the development of punk and new wave.

Singer David Johansen (who later recreated himself as pompadoured R&B singer Buster Poindexter) said he's not sure if the Dolls really quite represent garage.

"We were more like a storefront band than a garage band. But most bands start out in some sort of dump," he joked.

Regardless, the 54-year-old Johansen said he and the band's other surviving member, guitarist Syl Slyvain are prepared to play just like they did at 1973's Halloween Ball at the Waldorf-Astoria.

"Don't worry, we'll be tarted up good and proper for a bunch of old queens," he said.

___

On the Net:

http://www.littlestevensundergroundgarage.com/

Iggy Forever

Well I've paid homage to other music artists lately that I love, but I've neglected to mention Iggy Pop, another one of my major idols. I've been listening to him a lot lately. I went to that movie premiere for Coffee and Cigarettes, which he was in, and hoped desperately that he would be there. Unfortunately, he and Tom Waits were two that didn't show up. My disappointment was slightly muted by the fact that I met many other music artists that I have long admired, but at the end of it all, I was still bummed I didn't get the chance to shake hands with Iggy and tell him how dearly I love him and his music. More than anything, I love his honesty and raw energy. This song is from one of my favorite albums, Brick By Brick.

Main Street Eyes

This whole country is scared of failure.
My head keeps trying to sell me ambition.
But in my heart, I want self-respect.
There’s a conflict.

Boy, I feel so outgunned today
But I’ll get up and fight back, anyway
You and I are not huge mainstream stars
But unlike them, we’re really what we are

We got main street eyes
Watchin’ as the big boys roll by
Under rotten television skies
We got main street eyes

I saw a kitten squashed in the street
I read about a plastic surgeon and his art collection.

We are played for suckers all the time
Phony rock and roll
It’s a crime
I don’t want to dip myself in trash
I don’t want to give myself for cash

We got main street eyes
Tryin’ to do what’s decent with our lives
Under funny television skies
We got main street eyes

Walkin’ around sometimes
I see a tension under the surface
People are just about ready to explode.

So hold me, and trust me
I love you, don’t worry.
Keep your main street eyes
Keep your main street eyes
Keep your main street eyes
Eyes
Eyes

Deep Dark Bloody Darkness

Today is all about music. I've been in my own world. I need to be in my own world so that I don't hurt anyone. There's a crimson wave lapping at the shore. A red robin knocking at the door.

Bauhaus always works to immerse me in the peace and tranquility of my own imagination. If you've never listened to Bauhaus or Love & Rockets, I highly recommend picking some up. I'm not crazy about goths so much, but I love me some gothrock.

Severance By Bauhaus

Severance
The birds of leaving call to us,
Yet here we stand
endowed with the fear of flight.
Overland
The winds of change consume the land,
While we remain
In the shadow of summers now past.
When all the leaves
Have fallen and turned to dust,
Will we remain
Entrenched within our ways.
Indifference,
The plague that moves throughout this land
Omen signs
In the shapes of things to come.
Tomorrow's child is the only child.

Seems relevant to the times, doesn't it?

And following is my favorite song from the movie, The Hunger. If you haven't seen it, you need to. Catherine Deneuve, David Bowie and Susan Sarandon. Need I say more? That movie was one of the contributing factors behind the tattoo I got on my belly when I was 16. Sad? Perhaps. But I think it demonstrates how much I love the damn movie. There are other reasons for the tattoo of course...but they're not as interesting.

Bela Lugosi's Dead By Bauhaus

White on white translucent black capes
Back on the rack
Bela Lugosi's dead
The bats have left the bell tower
The victims have been bled
Red velvet lines the black box
Bela Lugosi's dead
Undead undead undead
The virginal brides file past his tomb
Strewn with time's dead flowers
Bereft in deathly bloom
Alone in a darkened room
The count
Bela Logosi's dead
Undead undead undead

Win

In case you didn't already know, I'm a lifelong David Bowie fan. He is one of the most amazing, original artists of all time.

This was one of my favorite songs to listen to when I was a swooning teen and when I hear it now, it reminds me of a time when I was fearless and living life with total abandon. I love how music encapsulates memories...

Win

Me, I hope that I'm crazy
I feel you driving and you're only the wheel
Slow down, let someone love you
Ohh, I've never touched you since I started to feel
If there's nothing to hide me
Then you've never seen me hanging naked and wired
Somebody lied, I say it's hip
To be alive

Now your smile is spreading thin
Seems you're trying not to lose
Since I'm not supposed to grin
All you've got to do is win
Me, I'm fresh on your pages
Secret thinker sometimes listening aloud
Life lies dumb on its heroes
Wear your wound with honor, make someone proud
Someone like you should not be allowed
To start any fires

Now your smile is spreading thin
Seems you're trying not to lose
Since I'm not supposed to grin
All you've got to do is win

Hell Must Be Full

Stumbled upon this today while conducting google searches out of sheer boredome. It is a list of 1,470 very good reasons not to vote for Bush this November, which includes links to pertinent articles. If that weren't enough, there are the latest headlines and editorials.

One thing that really caught my attention on that page (because this is the first I've heard of it) was this:

Bush wants to test every American for mental illness--including you! And guess who will create the tests?

Next month, President Bush plans to unveil a broad new mental health plan called the “New Freedom Initiative.” Never mind that it couldn’t have less to do with freedom; if you’re a thinking American, this initiative should scare the hell out of you.

The New Freedom Initiative proposes to screen every American, including you, for mental illness. To this end, the president established a New Freedom Commission on Mental Health, to study the nation’s mental health delivery service and make a report. It’s interesting to note that many on the staff appointed to the Commission have served on the advisory boards of some of the nation’s largest drug companies.

The commission reported that “despite their prevalence, mental disorders often go undiagnosed,” so it recommended comprehensive mental health screening for “consumers of all ages,” including preschool children because “each year, young children are expelled from preschools and childcare facilities for severely disruptive behaviors and emotional disorders.”

Children and school personnel will be the first to be screened. The panel concluded that schools are in “key positions” to screen the 52 million students and six million adults who work at the schools. By doing this, the commission expects to flush out another six million persons not now receiving treatment. But who will decide the screening criteria? Bush and his people? The drug companies? What are their qualifications?

One recommendation of the commission was that the screening be linked with “treatment and supports,” using “specific medications for specific conditions.” It is no coincidence that the treatments recommended for specific conditions are the newest state-of-the-art treatments that will bring in the most revenues for the drug companies. One of these emerging treatments is a capsule implanted within the body that delivers doses of medication without the patient having to swallow pills or take injections. If a government wanted to exert control of its citizens, think of the implications of using this device.

The Texas Medication Algorithm Project, or TMAP, was named by the