By Beauty Damned

Time to Review

It's come to my attention that some people need to be reminded of what occurred during the 2000 election. Like many others who have been brainwashed by the spincycle or fooled by the "sincere" denials of wrongdoing, Mad Mikey believes that the only reason democrats claim that Bush stole the election is because we think that the Supreme Court should have allowed the continuation of the hand recount and that there were conflicts of interest.

No. That was just the icing on the cake. What people seem to ignore or forget is Katherine Harris's execution of a ruthless campaign of voter suppression in the state of Florida.

I posted this in an earlier thread and I'm posting it here for those who do not have a clear understanding of what took place in the Florida election at the hands of the Bush team and Katherine Harris, or the danger of it happening again. If you do have a clear understanding of what happened, watch it anyway -- because it's fun to feel your blood pressure rise.

Blow. Hard.

I watched McCain and Giuliani last night. What a bunch of nonsense.

McCain was not nearly as bad as Giuliani, though I was disappointed in him for continually talking about the war in Iraq and 9/11 in the same breath, as if the two had some connection. I think that is a very deceitful and manipulative tactic that George Bush and his administration have been utilizing since they started promoting and pursuing war with Iraq. The war against terrorism is NOT the war in Iraq. And I am tired of hearing these blowhards insist or insinuate that it is. At the same time, he talked about how war and democracy conflict and we have to deal with that disparity. How about not waging a costly war in the so-called interest of democracy, and trying to accomplish your goals democratically instead. Fighting for peace truly is like fucking for chastity.

McCain and Giuliani both made the statement "George Bush told the terrorists that they would hear from us. And they have." The terrorists heard from us loud and clear. I'm sure they laughed as they watched us invade Iraq, knowing that we were digging our own grave. They heard that we are lead by a corrupt government that will attack Iraq under the guise of a war on terrorism, pretending that they are the same thing, which bodes well for terrorists, as George Bush has given them the perfect recruiting pitch. (I truly believe that if terrorists could vote, they'd vote for Bush, just to keep the fire burning). Other people heard too. People who weren't terrorists, but felt compelled to join the jihad once they saw how corrupt the American government can really be. They heard from us. They heard, and then they turned around and picked up a weapon and came out to fight the American troops. A lot of innocent people have heard from us too. Families who didn't deserve to lose their loved ones in this badly planned war. Soldiers who don't know what they're fighting for or don't think it's worth it. The whole world heard from us when we found out about the atrocities being committed at Abu Ghraib. Not only did they hear about our hypocricy and lack of integrity, but they also heard when our president brushed the abuse aside. They heard when it was revealed that our government condoned that type of abuse by allowing Rumsfeld to stay in office and patting him on the back rather than forcing him to resign, and they heard the revelations of torture memos and legal briefs promoting and attempting to justify violation of the Geneva Conventions.

McCain told us: "President Bush made the difficult decision to liberate Iraq." First of all, the liberation cause was mentioned only twice last night - once in McCain's speech and once in Giuliani's - before they quickly went back to talking about [elusive or non existent] weapons of mass destruction and jumbling all the issues and facts together so that the American people can't figure out what the hell our reason was for going to war, nor focus long enough on the discrepancies in the way the big picture is being drawn out to realize that they are being taken for a fucking ride. Furthermore, the decision to "liberate Iraq" didn't seem too difficult for Bush. According to members of his administration who have since criticized Bush, not only was it not a difficult decision for him, invading Iraq was on his agenda from day one, long before 9/11 ever took place. Remember how the whole "Operation Iraqi Freedom" phrase only popped up on Fox News AFTER the attacks on Baghdad were well under way? Reasons for the Iraqi war became a free-for-all: whatever you can come up with to defend this crooked war, take it and run with it. Meanwhile, Bush has used the tragedy of 9/11 to the fullest political advantage.

The testimony of the 9/11 widows was one of the most blatant manipulations. Of course, they did not have any of the widows or families speaking who don't support the war or George Bush, though their numbers are many. Once again, exploiting the death and tragedy. Just as he did in photo ops at the WTC and in ads depicting tragic footage of the attacks. I found this deeply appalling.

When Mayor Giuliani took the stage, I cringed the moment he opened his mouth. He is an arrogant jackal, pumping his NY fist and thinking that his status as "Mayor of America" entitles him to act like a pompous ass. He thinks he's funny, but he's not. That might be the most painful part, if not for how long and fucking boring his speech was. What was he talking about again? Certainly not anything that mattered. He told a whole bunch of pointless little stories, which he thought were far more entertaining than they really were, and somehow tried to connect to his inflation of George Bush's valor and leadership. "George Bush got up on that pile of rubble with me..." Any president would have done what George Bush did on 9/11. Stood up there and pleged his conviction to find out who had done this and bring them to justice. I don't see how any of it makes him a hero or proves him to be a good leader. He did what any American President would do. If these people were such great leaders and heros, perhaps they would have paid attention to the flood of intelligence and all the red flags that could have clued us in to this impending disaster. Perhaps they could have done something. Something other than standing on the rubble and flexing machismo and basking in glory, for what, I don't know. They called Giuliani "the mayor who saved NY." He didn't save anything. Thousands died. He's a talking head. After the proclamation that we would find our attackers and bring them to justice, it was all downhill as Bush focused a minimal amount of energy on going after the Taliban in Afghanistan to create the appearance that we were trying to catch Osama Bin Ladin, before all but abandoning that objective to pursue his war against the guy who tried to kill his daddy (and who presided over the most oil rich country in the middle east), squandering every bit of good will that had been garnered as a result of 9/11 with his hasty and badly orchestrated decision to invade Iraq. The whole thing absolutely stinks to high heaven. And Rudy has the nerve to tell us "either you are with us, or you are with the terrorists!" That statement really betrays total ignorance and a complete lack of understanding as to what it is that most democrats object to about Bush's strategy.

Of course, Giuliani didn't hesitate to tell us that on 9/11, as he watched burning bodies fall from the windows of the WTC, he grabbed Bernard Kerik, that corrupt bastard, and exclaimed "thank GOD that George Bush is our president!" (This was one of the many references to God, Christianity, and the Old Testament that were made during last night's speaches). Thank God George Bush is our president? Why? Did God help him steal the election? No. That was Katherine Harris and the U.S. Supreme Court... Did God put him here to start wars and sit around at his ranch in Crawford while terrorists freely plan and carry out attacks on our soil? Thank God that he ignored that August 6 memo? Thank God that he took 9/11 as the perfect opportunity to spin his flimsy case against Iraq? Thank God that he belittled and disregarded our allies and squandered their support? Thank God that he abandoned the real needs of America and the real war against terror to pursue an exorbitant war for oil, power, political gain and profit? Thank God for what, Rudy?

All in all, the speakers last night conveyed a real air of defensiveness, resorted heavily to ridicule and revealed their one track platform, showing us just how little George Bush has to run on and how deadset republicans are, not to be questioned, and to avoid addressing any of the many concerns of the American people outside of this heartstring tugging charade designed to prod people into reacting and voting based on emotions and anger rather than rational solutions. I found it to be very negative, and not enough said about what we are going to do, how we are going to improve both domestically and in Iraq and what kind of positive future we can look forward to in this country, other than the promise of an indefinitely drawn out war and ever present climate of fear.

note: this entry has been revised as my wheels have kept turning...

Hilarity Ensues

I'm watching the RNC on CNN. Wah wah wah.

There was a whole section of guys in bluejeans and cowboy boots and HUGE cowboy hats! And then this country band played! OMG, you had to see it.

RN-Sea of Protest

Today's AM New York cover page:

I'll bet the republicans are getting that warm fuzzy welcome feeling already. Perhaps NY wasn't the best place to hold the RNC after all... but I guess the opportunity to further exploit the site of 9/11 was just too much temptation to resist. Not that this is anything new.

Mad As Hell. Not Going To Take It Anymore.

Taking democracy to the streets. It's a beautiful thing. Unfortunately, Robert and I had to go to Virginia this weekend and missed the UFPJ protest. Luckily, there are plenty of pictures and stories to take in.

Terrible, Just Terrible

Darcie sent me this link today with the message: "Maria I found your people!"

So funny. Jesus Christ. These folks need an intervention.

Cuts You Up

One of the greatest songs...

Cuts You Up
By Peter Murphy

I find you in the morning
After dreams of distant signs
You pour yourself over me
Like the sun through the blinds
You lift me up
And get me out
Keep me walking
But never shout
Hold the secret close
I hear you say

You know the way
It throws about
It takes you in
And spits you out
It spits you out
When you desire
To conquer it
To feel you're higher
To follow it
You must be clean
With mistakes
That you do mean
Move the heart
Switch the pace
Look for what seems out of place

On and on it goes
Calling like a distant wind
Through the zero hour we'll walk
Cut the thick and break the thin
No sound to break no moment clear
When all the doubts are crystal clear
Crashing hard into the secret wind

You know the way
It twists and turns
Changing colour
Spinning yarns
You know the way
It leaves you dry
It cuts you up
It takes you high
You know the way
It's painted gold
Is it honey
Is it gold
You know the way
It throws about
It takes you in
And spits you out
You know the way
It throws about
It takes you in
And spits you out
It spits you out
When you desire
To conquer it
To feel you're higher
To follow it
You must be clean
With mistakes
That you do mean
Move the heart
Switch the pace
Look for what
Seems out of place

It's o.k.
It goes this way
The line is thin
It twists away
Cuts you up
It throws about
Keep me walking
But never shout.

Yeah Baby

Real life action hero:

Man survives car plunge, escapes train collision

A 23-year-old man narrowly escaped death this morning when a train crushed the car he had just got out of in the Melbourne suburb of Toorak.

At 5.30am AEST the man lost control of his Ford Fairmont car and crashed over a 20 to 30 metre embankment at the end of Kooyong Road.

He was dazed but got out before a city-bound train slammed into his car crushing it almost beyond recognition.

The young man has been taken to hospital with minor injuries and police hope to interview him later.

About 20 people on the train were trapped for an hour as doors closed automatically but they and the driver escaped without injury.

WOW. Totally studly. (I liked Fark's synopsis: "Man survives car's plunge over 90 ft embankment onto railway tracks, gets out of car just before speeding train hits it, flips Darwin the bird.")

Oil Over Environment

Yep, Bush is taking care of our environment all right. Systematically destroying and abusing it in order to ruthlessly exploit it. Don't worry, Bush will take care of it. Bush will make sure that there's an earth left for our children and grandchildren to live on. Bush will make sure there is clean water to drink and un-polluted air to breath. As long as those priorities don't get in the way of the interests of his corporate assistance program.

Now, I've heard republicans spouting off before about how Bush has a commendable environmental record. I challenge anyone to prove that this man cares one iota for the environment or that he would place environmental safety and preservation concerns over the concerns of his oil and energy interests.

He sure does have everything straightened out.

Update 8/27/04: An article in BBC said this today:

On the environment, Mr Bush appeared unfamiliar with an administration report delivered to Congress this week which suggested that carbon dioxide emissions were the only likely explanation for global warming over the last 30 years, said the newspaper.

Mr Bush in the past has said there are uncertainties in understanding the causes of global warming.

Asked why the administration had changed its mind on the causes of global warming, Mr Bush replied: "Ah, we did? I don't think so."

I'm sorry....WHAT? Does the President of the United States have a clue what is going on in his own administration? Sounds like a classic case of the left hand not knowing what the right hand is doing. Another shameful quote to add to the W hall of fame.

The Bottom of It

Cutting right to the chase.

Yes, there are so many reasons not to vote for Bush, we can barely keep track of them all. But if there's one issue that should be important to all voters, republican and democrat alike, it is the fact that this son-of-a-goats-ass (sorry to Babs and 41 - but it be true), is so goddamn stupid. It's a real problem. One that needs to be taken care of first and foremost in order to start fixing the rest of our problems.

Just think of Bush's excruciating stupidity as a giant roadblock in the path to a better America. Because that's exactly what it is. Sooo, aside from the myriad other problems with this administration and its policies, let's not forget the importance of having a thoughtful, intelligent leader who is capable of weighing all of his or her options and who puts the wellbeing of the people before personal political and financial ambition and committing to hasty and ill conceived acts of pre-emptive aggression.

Liberal, and Proud of It

Take your political pulse!

My favorite part of this little presentation is having it pointed out that conservatives/Bush supporters have gone out of their way to peg "liberal" as a dirty word. I don't understand the purpose of this. I don't understand why "liberal" would be a dirty word. I am more disgusted with the republican agenda every day (if that's at all possible). How could anyone work so hard to glorify the principles of selfishness, greed, violence and self-entitlement, while painting the principles of compassion, peace, equality and tolerance (the founding principles of this country) as something to sneer at and ridicule? It boggles the mind.

Deer and Dog

My aunt sent me these pictures today of this baby deer and a dog and they were so cute that I had to post it. Don't worry, I'm not going to turn into Jonathan with the dog pics, but this one was just exceptionally adorable and I had to share.

F#@%^&*@UCKERS!!!

Being bombarded with spam in my comments section. Feeling seriously homicidal right now. I wish death and an eternity of misery on anyone who spams my comments. I like to imagine that in Spammer Hell, the damned spammer will be subjected to incessant pop-up demons and relentless auditory spam. An eternity of hearing "want a bigger penis? Too bad. You're in hell." "Cheat on your wife with a 12 year old! - Oh wait, you already did." "Take prozac, it'll make you feel better! - Just kidding, you're already fucked from here to eternity!" "Visit my website for a good time! - Psyke." "Come play blackjack! With Satan. Good luck!" "Online Casino - Don't You Wish!" "Viagra: Makes your dick hard! So hard, it'll snap right off!"

I need to start putting up some defenses. These parasites are out of control.

Dropping In

Too busy to write today. Didn't read the news at all. Came right home and cooked dinner. I feel slightly out of touch, but I've been sitting and typing all day long and my back and neck are rebelling against me. I have to lay down.

Kathleen and I did end up going to the beach yesterday. We had such a great time. We packed sandwiches and beers and I had the brilliant idea of slicing up a (sinfully) ripe mango and sticking it in the freezer the night before, so we had yummy frozen mango to eat while basking in the hot sun. It was a Martha Stewartesque moment of genius, and it turned out amazing. We started calling it "mango sex" because it was that good. Mmmm, Mango Sex. Slurpy, sweet, icey mango. We savored every morsel and every last drop of nectar.

We took a roll of photos. It was such a picturesque day. Coney Island is always sort of picturesque. I just love sitting there and watching all the sailboats drifting along and the ships and barges far off in the distance heading into the harbor. I like hearing and watching children playing in the sand, all the colored umbrellas as far as the eye can see, and of course, the backdrop of the Coney Island Carnival and boardwalk. I'll post the photos as soon as I get them back from the developer.

I'll be back to catch up tomorrow. Hopefully it will be a slightly less hectic day and I'll have a chance to check up on the news and see what's up in B-town.

Please Send Sunshine

I really need to complain. This weather sucks. I hate summer in New York. I'm starting to feel like I live in Seattle. Rain rain rain. That's all it does on the weekends here. It better be sunny tomorrow or I'm just going to throw myself down on the ground and kick and scream like a two year old. I've spent all day cleaning, listening to music and finishing up miscellaneous projects. That's all fine and good, but I really want to be swimming and floating and basking in sunshine, like you're supposed to in the middle/end of August. It's like some cruel joke to punish New Yorkers for being bastards all year long.

Update: Forecast for tomorrow says sunny, 79 degrees, zero precipitation. YAY!!! Kathleen and I made plans to go to the beach. If it rains now, I will have to kill the weatherman. (I think they have set a record this year for highest number of inaccurate forecasts).

Cocktails & Dirty

I've always loved making cocktails. Never been a bartender, but I like to have a stocked liquor cabinet and mixing drinks for my friends. I like to experiment. Not the way Rob likes to experiment, throwing things together all helter skelter, creating a similar affect to the one that occurs when you mix every primary color together and make something that resembles muddy water. His "muddy water" usually comes out with a deadly alcohol content. He has taken bartending courses in the past, but once he starts getting creative it might not be pretty. I have a more innately meticulous approach. I favor vodka, white rum and various liqeurs and infused spirits. I almost always pass on gin or scotch, but other than that, I've been known to mix some tasty drinks with whatever is available. I still don't know how to feel about my Tuaca and lemon iced tea mixture. They go well together, but I still feel sort of weird about drinking canned iced tea with any liquor. I have to admit I've always been fairly indiscriminate about alcohol. But I really draw the line at gin. That shit is disgusting and terrible for you. And I despise the taste of scotch and whiskey.

Last night Kat invited me to go to a film screening in Chelsea, but it was short notice and I didn't feel like rushing back to Manhattan, so instead I chose to spend the evening with myself, doing whatever struck my fancy. After one Tuaca with Nestea (I know, I know. It sounds terrible. Seriously though, it's not bad if you just throw them together with some ice in a shaker, shake the shit out of it and pour it into a martini glass. It's no good to drink with the ice in it, but it may be okay if you used real fresh-made iced tea.) It's a dangerous mixture though. Tuaca can really kick your ass. Which is why I mixed it with iced tea, because drinking it straight can seem like a good idea, and granted, it's perfect for shots when you're out drinking, but it's serious business. So I drank that little Tuaca-tail without having any dinner in my stomach. Hmmm. Time to get with the program. Took a quick walk down to Pete's Pizzaria - hey it was Friday - and sat down to two slices of pepperoni and a glass of root beer. I love their pizza with a passion. I watched the olympic swimming competition on TV while inhaling both slices.

When I left Pete's, I walked down to the bodega to get some coffee for the morning and managed to talk myself into stopping next door at my local bar for a corona to top off the pizza. I haven't been in for months. Place gets old freakin quick, but it's the only alternative to all the meatmarkets in my neighborhood. The only people in there were Kevin the bartender, and some jerky who hangs out there regularly for years and talks at top volume through his huge graucho face. He gets mighty obnoxious when he's drunk. And it was early. He honestly looks like he's wearing one of those Graucho Marx masks, except that he's a really big guy with a thick head of steeley grey hair, and his glasses, gargantuan schnoz and equally proportionate mustache are not a mask, but actually belong to his face.

The conversation was pretty casual at first. I like Kevin. He's my favorite bartender there because he adds good music to the jukebox and is a down to earth, decent person. I sat and talked to them for about a half hour before the conversation found it's way to women and dating. We were mostly talking about the expectations that are placed on women as they get older, to stay beautiful, whereas men don't face the same type of pressure. They just move on to younger women. Graucho shared a little too much information when he came out and informed us that he treats himself to a 20-year-old hooker at least once a month. "It's a hundred and fifty dollars, I get a girl who's 20 years old and she does what I tell her to do." I had to admire his honesty, but I was also a little grossed out by the entire image of some poor young maiden being required to have sex with this schlub, much less taking orders from him, so I took the opportunity to excuse myself to the restroom. When I came back, he was finishing up telling Kevin about how it feels kind of wrong. Kevin said "Yeah. Like you're taking advantage?" And Graucho said "Yeah, maybe, or just like, I get something out of it and she doesn't. It just feels kind of wrong."

I have slightly mixed feelings about the whole prostitution thing. I hate the thought of young girls walking the street, being exposed to extreme danger such as rape, assault, diseases and death. I hate the thought of any person selling their body to afford drugs or alcohol. I think that in a controlled and safe environment like a legitimately operated whorehouse, I don't really object to it as much. It still kinda grosses me out. I'm sorry. I just think it's sad that any woman would have to sacrifice her own dignity in that way, but in that context I view it more as a personal choice. Walking the streets just seems like a terrible idea any way you look at it. I feel similarly about pornography. At the same time that it would never be a personal choice that I would make for myself to be involved in pornography, I don't feel right in condemning others that do, whether it be stripping, hardcore film or whatever else. I do think that women in that business need to take more control and demand better treatment. But then again, it's not exactly a business you get into for the integrity and respect you receive from your employees and co-workers. I'm interested in what my readers think of prostitution and pornography.

I didn't stop and judge this man for sharing this piece of information about himself. He was drunk and being honest and revealed a darker side, so whatever. Then we moved on to talking about homeopathic and natural healing. That's when he started insisting on all kinds of things he knew nothing about. When I let him know that I wasn't interested in having a conversation about the merit of homeopathic remedies with a person who was totally uneducated on the subject and had never himself had any encounters with homeopathic healing or those who subscribe to that form of medicinal treatment, he became extremely surly with me and told me I'm stupid. Men sometimes do this. Sometimes get angry with women when they assert their own knowledge and power and the man feels the need to crush the woman, so he hurls insults. It's a long held tradition of self entitled dominance. It took a lot of self control to suppress my natural instinct to throw my drink in his face after he called me stupid. But instead I just took one last sip of my beer, set it down and walked out, saying goodbye on my way out. That was quite enough of that business.

I went and bought a can of coffee and some dish soap, and walked home. That was all the excitement I was going to get on this Friday night.

Ode to the Dead

Yay! Would you look at that? Another Friday. I feel guilty for spending an entire week anticipating this day. Strangely, feeling guilty in itself is a waste. Life is so short. We should be cherishing every second. But instead I spend much of the week saying "hurry up week. I want Friday, Saturday and Sunday." Those are the only days I want. The rest I can do without. But that's not fair. Because when we're on our last leg, we'll all regret it. We're going to regret sitting at desks, staring out windows at magnificent whether, or rain -- (It doesn't really matter. In the spring and summer everyone says "it's so beautiful I just want to be outside!" In the fall and winter they say "I just want to be at home curled up cozy and warm!" People can't be pleased) -- anticipating the weekend.

Honestly, Fridays can be rough though. They tend to be very busy because everyone has things they have to do before the weekend starts. A lot of hustle and bustle on Fridays. But then it's over and there is this huge sigh of relief. Phew. Wow. I get to stay up as late as I want tonight. I can sleep-in tomorrow if I want. But as you inch closer to Sunday, the anxiety sets in. Damn. I don't want to go back to work. And the cycle begins all over. I hate that kind of monotony. I love routine, hate monotony. Is that a problem? I really scold myself during the week when I find myself thinking or saying "is it Friday yet?" I am 25 years old, going on 26 in Sept. Time is flying by. I remember when I was 18, giving birthday cards to friends who were turning 25 and joking "shit, you're halfway to fifty! Ha-ha-ha." Doesn't seem so funny now, does it muthafucka. Now, as I think, "oh shit! I'm not 18 anymore, I am at least a quarter of the way through with my lifetime. Fuck," I simultaneously try to remind myself of how lucky I am that I’m still so young and hopefully have a lot of unknown adventure ahead. I know this is not news for many people, but here I am, having that quintessential mid-twenties crisis for the first time. I've always been obsessed with death and the human life experience, but I still dread getting old and still heartily exist within the "oh my god, I'm getting old and I'm going to die" phase, rather than the "I feel so content and I'm ready to go to the next level" phase. My mom says that doesn't happen until you're at least 40. But I heard a girl in her late twenties say it the other day and I was riveted.

I have a lot of really intense fears and thoughts about death. If you don't like reading about death, don't bother going further at this junction. My brother and I witnessed the tragic accidental drowning of our grandmother when we were very little kids. That was my first experience encountering death as a phenomenon. I didn't know about it before that day. The entire sequence of events has remained lucid in my memory for nearly 22 years. I remember the incident, my brother and I standing there as the panic unfolded, my mother leaping fully dressed into the swimming pool. I remember sitting on a little loveseat with my dad's arms around me, seeing the lights of the ambulance flashing around the room. I remember the days after. The feeling of hopelessness, loss and self-blame. (Amazing to think that even a four year old can sit there beating themselves up for something that is not their fault). I remember many teary nights, my dad always there, comforting me, saying, "it's okay honey. Everything is gonna be okay." I didn't go to her grave. I was too small I guess.

Death is hard. I didn't encounter it again until I was a teenager. My mother's stepdad died. Buddy. We loved him. He was a wonderful person. The knowledge of his passing obviously did not affect me the same way the death of my dad's mother had, though it was not a pleasant revelation by any means. My great aunt Esther died at 93. Not so hard to cope with. Then one day I came home from work at the age of 21 and there was a message on the kitchen table. It said "Diana. Mountain View Cemetery tomorrow." My friend Diana had been hit by a truck and killed. I went to her funeral the next day. It was terrible. She was young and beautiful and charitable and so many people knew her and loved her. Her boyfriend was crippled with grief. Everyone said a few words about her, and for the first time, I stood at a grave and cried the heaviest tears of sadness that I could remember feeling since I was that little girl being cradled by daddy.

Nick was the person who told me about Tyler's death. I was living with a couple girlfriends and Nick would stop by and visit occasionally. I'd known him for many years. He was slightly younger than me. He'd recently been in a car accident and had various run-ins with the law for relatively minor things. We represented him in a couple matters at our law firm. So he broke the news to me about the discovery of Tyler's body and I don't remember anything after that except laying in my bed, crying and staring out the window at a vibrant moon, hearing my roommate belting out "Midnight Sonata" on her piano.

Tyler was my second friend. Ever. My first friend ever was Uma. My mother was close friends with Uma's mother Carolyn and Tyler's mother Ruth. Uma was born in November, a couple months after me. Tyler was born on the first day of the new year in 1979. We were playmates as children, until my parents moved my siblings and I to L.A.. When I moved back to Oregon from California as a teenager, Tyler and I became close friends all over again. At 21 years old, on June 13, 2000, he died of an accidental overdose of liquid morphine. I wrote about his death in an email to Darcie, who was living in New Orleans at the time, and the following day, I read what I had written at his funeral. There was no holding back the tears and the grief. Many, many people attended the funeral and were genuinely hurt by his death.

Only a few months after I moved to New York, I spoke to my brother on the phone and he told me that Nick had shot and killed himself in Cantwell's, one of the local supermarkets. I suppose everyone privately speculated about the true reason for his actions, but the reality is that we will never know anything except that many of us witnessed his suffering individually and it all came to a terrible climax with that…and nothing more. Then Petie died. And Steve died. And Darren died. I knew Petie very well. He was a wonderful little trollface. Always loved Petie. He was a great person and no one who knew him will ever forget it. One minute he was there, walking up the path alongside Lost Creek Lake, the next minute, he was gone. Off the side of the cliff. No one ever knew if he jumped or fell. Steve was so young and musically talented and fought with cancer his whole life until it suddenly and unexpectedly overtook him one day. Darren scared me really bad when I was not in my right mind one time, but in general, he was a decent fellow. Certainly shouldn't have died from self-inflicted carbon monoxide poisoning.

Death is hard. Even the deaths of people you don't know. That's hard. The worst are deaths that are not self inflicted on any level. People’s lives literally stolen from them and their loved ones. You read about a serial killer and you think of the poor girls that he butchered and it makes you so sad, not just because he was a sick fuck, but because those people lost their lives in an untimely fashion. You think of the people who were killed in the Oklahoma City bombing or in Bath, Michigan in the 20s, or the World Trade Center in 2001, and it's horrifying, not just for the magnitude of the deed, but for the lives that were ripped away. We don't see many of the images of the murdered and maimed Iraqis and American soldiers in Iraq, and it's under-reported, but we know it's happening. Maybe if people spent a little more time thinking about the death and suffering that is occurring there and how badly it hurts to lose a loved one of their own, they would spend a little less time rooting for this war. Sometimes I think if people were more predisposed to getting in touch with the reality of the deaths and the vivid nightmares that are playing out there, that they would not be so supportive of this senseless, messy war. And those who do lose loved ones there and believe it’s a worthy sacrifice…It seems like they should think again -- of the life and the love that the dead have been deprived of at the hands of a greedy government and fruitless battle. And what they themselves have lost. And whether or not it's worth it.

Bushisms

Excerpts from Washington Post 8/17/04

Earlier this month, President Bush was almost done with a speech to a group of minority journalists when he dropped a rather startling proposal.

"We actually misnamed the war on terror," he said. "It ought to be the Struggle Against Ideological Extremists Who Do Not Believe in Free Societies Who Happen to Use Terror as a Weapon to Try to Shake the Conscience of the Free World."

Or, if you prefer to abbreviate, SAIEWDNBIFSWHTUTAAWTTTSTCOTFW.

Speaking [at the same] meeting of minority journalists in Washington on Aug. 6, President Bush said:

"I cut the taxes on everybody. I didn't cut them. The Congress cut them. I asked them to cut them." (Ron Edmonds -- AP)

Bush, in the brief but forceful way he summed up his candidacy in Davenport, Iowa:

"We stand for things."

Bush offered a curious wish for his audience in Oregon:

"I hope you leave here and walk out and say, 'What did he say?'"

Bush in discussion of Iran policy last week:

"As you know, we don't have relationships with Iran. I mean, that's -- ever since the late '70s, we have no contacts with them, and we've totally sanctioned them. In other words, there's no sanctions -- you can't -- we're out of sanctions."

In that same session, Bush might have listeners worried about their civil liberties when he ran into plural trouble:

"Let me put it to you bluntly," he ventured. "In a changing world, we want more people to have control over your own life."

Bush could be heard joking about an attempted ax murder of Iraqi Prime Minister Ayad Allawi and his wife:

"He wakes up one night and an ax-wielding group of men tried to hatchet him to death, or ax him to death. I guess, you don't hatchet somebody with an ax. And you don't ax them with a hatchet. He wakes up, the glint of the blade coming at him, and he gets cut badly, escapes. The guy hit his wife, who never recovered, really."

Discrimination?

"I knew this was going to be an issue in our country, that there would be people that say, 'There goes a Muslim-looking person.'"

Immigration reform?

"I have talked about it lately. I talked about it this winter."

War?

"I wish I wasn't the war president. Who in the heck wants to be a war president? I don't."

Sure you don't.

Good Resource

I really like this link in the Washington Post: Comparing the Candidates. It's a great source for point-by-point information delineating the positions of both John Kerry and George W. Bush on the issues that matter.

Shut It

Well it sure sounds like Larry Thurlow is a bitter man bent towards exacting revenge on John Kerry for his anti-war activities by painting him as a liar.

As we all know, the republican campaign has resorted to trying to discredit Kerry's military record, as they have no positive platform of their own. What remains highly ironic about the whole scenario is the hypocricy that is always prevelant in the rightwing attacks. Not a single person has come forward, (even despite Doonesbury's offer of $10,000 to any person who would) who could credibly vouch that they served with George W. Bush. It astounds me that Bush supporters would even have the gall to turn around and attempt to dismiss the well-documented and honored service of John Kerry. Meanwhile, Bush's life and military service are a documented failure from start to finish, if not for the many breaks and boosts that he received as a result of his family's stature.

Bush supporters bash Kerry for being rich, when Bush's family is also extremely rich. They bash Kerry for his special interests, when Bush's family has more special interest baggage than just about anyone alive. The hypocricy is suffocating. But this attack on Kerry's military record takes the cake in the game of dispicable tactics. And I don't seem to be the only person who think so.

Military Documents Cast Doubt on Kerry Critic's Version of Combat, Published Report Says

The Associated Press

WASHINGTON (AP) - Military records appear to contradict claims by a vocal critic of Sen. John Kerry that the Democratic presidential candidate lied about coming under gunfire during a mission in Vietnam, according to The Washington Post. The newly obtained records of Larry Thurlow show that he, like Kerry, won a Bronze Star for the same engagement and that Thurlow's citation said he came under "constant small arms fire," the newspaper reported Thursday.

Thurlow, also like Kerry, commanded a Navy Swift boat during the war. Thurlow swore in an affidavit last month that Kerry was "not under fire" when he rescued Lt. James Rassmann from the Bay Hap River.

Thurlow's records, obtained by the Post under the Freedom of Information Act, include references to "enemy small arms and automatic weapons fire" directed at all five boats in the flotilla that day. In his Bronze Star citation, Thurlow is praised for helping a damaged Swift boat "despite enemy bullets flying about him."

Thurlow is a leading member of Swift Boat Veterans for Truth, a public advocacy group of Vietnam veterans who have aired a television advertisement attacking Kerry's war record.

Kerry has described how his boat came under fire from the river banks after a mine explosion disabled another U.S. Swift boat. Kerry and members of his crew say the firing continued as Kerry leaned over to fish out Rassman, who was blown overboard in another explosion.

Thurlow described Kerry's Bronze Star citation as "totally fabricated," saying "I never heard a shot."

Thurlow, a registered Republican, said he is angry with Kerry for his antiwar activities after his return to the United States, especially his claim that U.S. troops committed war crimes with the knowledge of their officers up the chain of command.

Thurlow told the Post that he got the award for helping to rescue the boat that was mined.

"This casts doubt on anybody's awards," he said. "It is sickening and disgusting."

He said he believed his award would be fraudulent if it was based on coming under enemy fire.

"We weren't under fire," he insisted.

Thurlow said he lost his Bronze Star citation more than 20 years ago. He said he would not authorize release of his military records because he feared the Kerry campaign would discredit him.

Members of Kerry's crew have said Kerry is telling the truth. Rassman said he has vivid memories of enemies firing at him from both banks.

Also:

KerryEdwards Campaign Debunks False Swift Boat Attacks

Pops

Look! It's my dad! On page six of the August 9th issue of the National Law Journal! Go DAD!

Child Of Fortune

Whenever I visit my mom's site, which isn't nearly often enough, I come across so many things that strike my fancy, amaze me and draw me in, that I almost don't visit for fear that I will never get back out again. Her site has received such an enormous amount of traffic recently and you can see why. It runneth over with such an incredible abundance of information, art, poetry, pictures, bulletin posts, links to other sites, even entire books can be read using the online library. It's truly an astounding site, and I feel so proud of my parents, mostly my mother, that it is their creation. As you can imagine, a site like that is not something you work on occasionally or at night when you get home from work. It is something that you DO every day, as your primary activity. Aside from running this amazing site, my mother tapdances to Marilyn Manson or the Red Hot Chili Peppers, when she's not playing the baby grand my dad gave to her for their 30th wedding anniversary or taking computer graphics lessons. I envy her. Yet she has worked hard, and endured much to get to this place of contentment in her life. So I also applaud her. It's not mother's day, but I'm taking the opportunity to recognize my mother for the wonderful, unique, talented person that she is.

On that note, following is a poem that my dad posted in one of the threads on her site that I found to be heart stopping. This is not one of his poems and I won't start in on how much I love my dad, because then the violin will start playing and I will never run out of things to say, nor would I run out of links to post in relation to my endless gushing. So we'll just leave it at that and move on to this work of genius by Allen Ginsberg:

America, by Allen Ginsberg

America I've given you all and now I'm nothing.
America two dollars and twenty-seven cents January 17, 1956.
I can't stand my own mind.
America when will we end the human war?
Go fuck yourself with your atom bomb
I don't feel good don't bother me.
I won't write my poem till I'm in my right mind.
America when will you be angelic?
When will you take off your clothes?
When will you look at yourself through the grave?
When will you be worthy of your million Trotskyites?
America why are your libraries full of tears?
America when will you send your eggs to India?
I'm sick of your insane demands.
When can I go into the supermarket and buy what I need with my good looks?
America after all it is you and I who are perfect not the next world.
Your machinery is too much for me.
You made me want to be a saint.
There must be some other way to settle this argument.
Burroughs is in Tangiers I don't think he'll come back it's sinister.
Are you being sinister or is this some form of practical joke?
I'm trying to come to the point.
I refuse to give up my obsession.
America stop pushing I know what I'm doing.
America the plum blossoms are falling.
I haven't read the newspapers for months, everyday somebody goes on trial for
murder.
America I feel sentimental about the Wobblies.
America I used to be a communist when I was a kid and I'm not sorry.
I smoke marijuana every chance I get.
I sit in my house for days on end and stare at the roses in the closet.
When I go to Chinatown I get drunk and never get laid.
My mind is made up there's going to be trouble.
You should have seen me reading Marx.
My psychoanalyst thinks I'm perfectly right.
I won't say the Lord's Prayer.
I have mystical visions and cosmic vibrations.
America I still haven't told you what you did to Uncle Max after he came over
from Russia.

I'm addressing you.
Are you going to let our emotional life be run by Time Magazine?
I'm obsessed by Time Magazine.
I read it every week.
Its cover stares at me every time I slink past the corner candystore.
I read it in the basement of the Berkeley Public Library.
It's always telling me about responsibility. Businessmen are serious. Movie
producers are serious. Everybody's serious but me.
It occurs to me that I am America.
I am talking to myself again.

Asia is rising against me.
I haven't got a chinaman's chance.
I'd better consider my national resources.
My national resources consist of two joints of marijuana millions of genitals
an unpublishable private literature that goes 1400 miles and hour and
twentyfivethousand mental institutions.
I say nothing about my prisons nor the millions of underpriviliged who live in
my flowerpots under the light of five hundred suns.
I have abolished the whorehouses of France, Tangiers is the next to go.
My ambition is to be President despite the fact that I'm a Catholic.

America how can I write a holy litany in your silly mood?
I will continue like Henry Ford my strophes are as individual as his
automobiles more so they're all different sexes
America I will sell you strophes $2500 apiece $500 down on your old strophe
America free Tom Mooney
America save the Spanish Loyalists
America Sacco & Vanzetti must not die
America I am the Scottsboro boys.
America when I was seven momma took me to Communist Cell meetings they
sold us garbanzos a handful per ticket a ticket costs a nickel and the
speeches were free everybody was angelic and sentimental about the
workers it was all so sincere you have no idea what a good thing the party
was in 1935 Scott Nearing was a grand old man a real mensch Mother
Bloor made me cry I once saw Israel Amter plain. Everybody must have
been a spy.
America you don're really want to go to war.
America it's them bad Russians.
Them Russians them Russians and them Chinamen. And them Russians.
The Russia wants to eat us alive. The Russia's power mad. She wants to take
our cars from out our garages.
Her wants to grab Chicago. Her needs a Red Reader's Digest. her wants our
auto plants in Siberia. Him big bureaucracy running our fillingstations.
That no good. Ugh. Him makes Indians learn read. Him need big black niggers.
Hah. Her make us all work sixteen hours a day. Help.
America this is quite serious.
America this is the impression I get from looking in the television set.
America is this correct?
I'd better get right down to the job.
It's true I don't want to join the Army or turn lathes in precision parts
factories, I'm nearsighted and psychopathic anyway.
America I'm putting my queer shoulder to the wheel.

Guest Post

Nunya posted this in a thread yesterday, and I felt it was well deserving of it's own post. Bravo Nunya

Today, in the midst of a few pop-up windows that squeezed by my filter, I was so rudely interrupted by one that caught my eye. A picture of a stern faced bush looking down upon his minions and beside it a web form asking you to send the following message to your congressman:

"Dear Member of Congress

I am deeply concerned about the status of the United States healthcare system. Costs are escalating rapidly. At the same time, it’s getting more and more difficult for patients like me to get an appointment with a doctor near home.

I support President Bush’s approach to solving this problem—medical liability reform. The fact is, thousands of frivolous medical lawsuits are filed each year by individuals hoping to “hit the lottery” with a big court award. Even though fewer than 10% ever make trial, the costs of defending against these suits are high—and are ultimately passed down to patients. What’s worse, when physicians can no longer afford the rising cost of liability insurance, they simply retire, leave the area, or limit the treatment they offer—leaving patients in many areas without adequate access to medical care.

The great thing about liability reform is that there are no losers—except the trial lawyers. Patients with legitimate suits will be able to recover unlimited economic damages to cover future medical expenses, lost wages, etc. Non-economic damages, like “pain and suffering,” would be capped at $250,000.

This is a reasonable proposal that will have a positive impact on our healthcare system, and I encourage you, as my elected representative in Congress, to do everything in your power to get it passed. Thank you for your time."

Forget the glaringly obvious problems (see "corporate pandering") that exist. Let me bring it down by quoting this so called letter:

"I am deeply concerned about the status of the United States healthcare system. Costs are escalating rapidly. At the same time, it’s getting more and more difficult for patients like me to get an appointment with a doctor near home."

You cannot argue with most of the points here, however, I live in the suburbs of a mid sized southern area and my doctor is right around the corner from me, granted, I do not have an HMO - which if I did, of course I would have to go traveling because HMO's are now housed in what resemble "corporate malls" tucked away in business parks - they no longer resemble doctors offices and you are no longer treated like a patient. Also, you will most likely be seen by a Nurse Practitioner or a Physicians Assistant anyway.

"I support President Bush’s approach to solving this problem—medical liability reform. The fact is, thousands of frivolous medical lawsuits are filed each year by individuals hoping to “hit the lottery” with a big court award"

It is amazing how even some of the most hard core republicans over the years had alternate methods of solving the healthcare cost problems in this country, just as the dems did, but along comes YeeHaw Cowboy Bush and his God Given answer to solving a nearly unsolvable problem is "liability reform." And these "frivolous" claims? Where are they? Can we see some of them? Is it frivolous if someone has a scalpel left inside of them? Is it frivolous if a nurse gives the wrong medication to a patient that has an allergic reaction and dies? And I LOVE the "big court reward" - more on that later.

"Even though fewer than 10% ever make trial, the costs of defending against these suits are high—and are ultimately passed down to patients."

Ever wonder why the other 90% of these cases never went to trial? Perhaps they were not so "frivolous" after all. The insurance companies also have super-lawyers on their payrolls - and when those super lawyers advise "hey, we will never win this case in trial, lets settle" I think they know what they are talking about. Granted, there are some cases that are "frivolous" if not fraudulent, but that goes with the territory when you have a private insurance industry. And the costs no matter what are ALWAYS handed down to the patients, but most of those costs are for the offset of the care for very sick patients (cancer treatment, transplant, etc.) not because of lawsuits. Health care insurance is very lucrative industry. It is a money maker.

"What’s worse, when physicians can no longer afford the rising cost of liability insurance, they simply retire, leave the area, or limit the treatment they offer—leaving patients in many areas without adequate access to medical care."

1) In case they haven't noticed, most doctors no longer have private practices. They are either working for a hospital healthcare system, an HMO, or become specialists working under a system - all which pay for the liability insurance for them. They are not leaving, retiring, etc. There is simply a big squeeze for health care workers in all areas. And as well, the number of doctors (not even good ones) coming out of medical school are dwindling because a) the school is too long b) too difficult. Also, people see the insane hours residents have to work and decide against becoming doctors. The pay rate doesn't amount to a whole lot when you are working 90 hour weeks. They also realize the wealth and prestige is a myth. Folks years ago didn't become doctors for money first, they became doctors for the love of helping people. Folks just don't generally feel that way anymore. Everything is "how much can I make?" And adequate access - there are more hospitals available to folks then ever before.

"The great thing about liability reform is that there are no losers—except the trial lawyers. Patients with legitimate suits will be able to recover unlimited economic damages to cover future medical expenses, lost wages, etc. Non-economic damages, like “pain and suffering,” would be capped at $250,000."

This is the one that just kills me. You really have to be uneducated, living in a damn hole, super moron to buy into this. There are no losers involved. And patients with legit lawsuits will recover "unlimited economic damages" it is just the "non economic damages" that will be capped. Let me break this one down for you in case the idiot who came up with this letter didn't do it. An economic damage is something that is probably defined as:
1) Future Medical expenses
2) Lost wages

Non-economic is:

1) Pain and suffering

So, according to this "plan" of the pig Bush, let’s say a child who needs to go into a hospital for a high fever is given a medicine that clearly is stated on a medical chart that he or she is allergic to. The doctor, who has just got over a 32 hour shift, who is obviously tired and over worked (because the hospital will not hire more doctors) doesn't realize his error. The child dies from this medication - now there are no future medical expenses other than funeral arrangements and no lost wages, or as far as can been seen, no other "economical" expenses because after all, a child does not contribute economically to a family. So, this family, who brought their child in leaves without their child can only get $250,000 maximum for their pain and suffering (where as that is about the salary of new staff doctor fresh out of residency)? This is fair how?

"This is a reasonable proposal that will have a positive impact on our healthcare system, and I encourage you, as my elected representative in Congress, to do everything in your power to get it passed. Thank you for your time."

Let's get it straight. It will have a positive impact on the bottom line of the health care insurers. And do you think they will actually lower the costs? I worked for a health care insurance company - and when they had a huge profit one year, they could have given rebates to customers, even thought about it. Instead, they chose to give the CEO and the directors big bonuses and than invest the rest in the stock market and mutual funds.

In closing, our health care system is in a crisis. Why? Because some people think it is a system that should generate revenue. Some people think you should be able to get rich off of it. So naturally, it is treated like a business, when the moral thing to do is treat it like a service. Thus, it should be a funded service offered by the government to every citizen of this country. We have highway infrastructure that is maintained and upgraded better than we as humans are. After all, the bosses need you to get to work somehow. Imagine what a healthy workforce would do. Imagine what not having to pay unrealistic costs for insurance would do for the economy? Imagine what a government controlled healthcare workforce would do for nurses and doctors being forced to work 80 - 120 hour weeks. A well rested and well staffed workforce means a workforce that tends to make fewer mistakes.

And finally, let us be totally honest about where the REAL costs to the insurance companies are pounded from - drugs. The pharmaceuticals industry ADVERTISES prescription drugs on TV. And they don’t do it for your health and well being - they do it because they make billions off of this. And doctors are quick to prescribe whatever patients want. Why? Because the pharmaceuticals companies give kickbacks to doctors who tend to prescribe these products. And this is all legal.

Is it an easily solvable problem, healthcare reform? No. But I can guarantee you that "liability reform" is the step in the wrong direction.

Posted by nunya at August 16, 2004 10:32 PM

Gripe and Beg

My body feels like it is seriously just going to break into pieces. I've written about my lower back problems that started last August and have continued to bother me since then. Then there was the car accident.

It's amazing how when you are in a traumatic accident, your body and mind do not immediately register the damage that has been caused. I am a naturally very resiliant person. I always get up and brush myself off. I think I've been through a lot of crazy shit. And I've always been able to rise above it. If there's one thing I'm proud of in my own personal life, it's that. My drive to do better. To propel myself forward from the bad or difficult or just plain crazy things that have happened in my life. I guess that doesn't make me unique in this world, but it's an important part of my character. Many people possess a resiliance and will to forge ahead and I consider it a definite virtue and crucial to survival on a civilized level.

My point in bringing all this up, is that I am in a lot of physical pain. It's become a part of my everyday life and I'm trying to take the steps that I need to take to relieve the trauma that has been inflicted on my body. I admire people who take hold of their physical pain and/or disabilities and maintain a happy, energetic outlook on life. It astounds me that people can endure such tragedy and physical hardship, and still go on enjoying their lives. It's not easy, when you're hurting, to love life. I'm not saying I don't love my life. I feel so lucky. My biological grandfather was brain damaged in a car accident when my mother was a little girl. He lost everything dear to him. My mother's stepfather lost a leg in a car accident. He wore a prosthetic and was, until the day he died, a wonderful, sweet man. Cars are death machines. They kill people all the time. I was genuinely lucky that my accident left me only with a heavy ache in my neck and back. It could have been much worse.

After the accident, I didn't experience the pain almost at all until the next day. I was so determined to enjoy the rest of the fourth of July, that I couldn't be bothered to dwell on the frightening events that had taken place. It was in the morning when I woke up with images of the accident rushing back, the startling memory of complete terror and crushing impact, smoke and panic and the distinct determination to get through the accident itself. It was the next morning that I saw the bruises, all over my neck and shoulder where the seatbelt was, arms, elbows, hips, knees. Black and blue. My neck was stiff and sore. Hurt to move it to the left or right. The entire right side of my back felt seized up. I went for accupuncture, chiropractic and massage therapy immediately at a really great place in Ashland, Oregon. If you're looking for a good natural healer, that's the place to go. These people did wonders for me. (Unfortunately, I was only on vacation, and that particular clinic is 3,000 miles away.) The accupuncture amazed me. It relieved the pain in a way that chiropractic adjustments never could. I know this is not a great revelation. Many people swear by accupuncture, but this was my first time and the person who did it knew precisely what she was doing, so it turned out to be a very good experience. If only I could find someone like her in NY.

That's my great quest now. To find the best doctor. And I'm not talking about one of these schmucks who wants to cut your back open and tinker with your neck and spine and then sew you back up and pump you full of pharmaceuticals. I avoid pills like the plague, so throughout this whole ordeal I haven't touched any pain medication other than ibuprofin. I just need a good doctor, who understands bones and backs and necks, really well, and prescribes to the methods and techniques of natural/homeopathic healing. The person I'm seeing now is not going to do the job and as soon as I get my MRI results, I'm ready to take them to someone who can help.

If anyone knows a doctor or healer who comes highly recommended in or around NYC, that'd be great. :o)

Shame

If you haven't already seen President Bush fumbling like the complete imbecile that he so righteously is, then you must not have access to television, internet or newspapers of any kind. Not that there's anything wrong with that. But if you've seen it and you don't think that it's a problem, I can only conclude that you are as hopeless as he. This man is so severely uneducated that it hurts me to hear him speak. The thought of ANY political representative, much less the President of the United States, answering a question -- that he should be fully able to answer articulately and concisely -- like this, is simply astounding.

I have heard many a Bush supporter dismissing their leader's routine massacre of the english language, and brushing off his inability to answer questions in a manner that we can understand, as nothing of great importance. "You don't have to be a great speaker to be president!" Yeah. Well that's apparent. I guess if you live in a country where standards for everything outside of the material are so lost, then you can expect to have a leader of diminutive intelligence. But it is sad that people accept it. That their standards and expectations are so low that they don't even see a problem with the fact that our president does not know the meaning of the word "sovereignty" or the significance of such in the context which he is supposed to be addressing: the continuing plight of the Native American Indians. The funny thing is, if the same people who support Bush had to work in an office with someone as stupid as him, they'd go home every night and tell their families about it. "This idiot doesn't know how to do his job! He screws up everything that he's supposed to do and everyone else has to live with the consequences! And on top of it all, he's fucking illiterate!!!" But for some reason, these people hold lower standards for the President of the United States than they would for the average employee or co-worker.

Now you can sit back and say "well honey, you can't be smart all the time" or "it's not what he says that matters, it's what he means to say." But you know, I don't even think he knows what he means to say. I demand an intelligent president. A thoughtful, intelligent president who can tell his ass from a dry hole in the ground in Texas or at least one who can coherently answer a question. And if our standards have degraded to the point where we accept a president with such a non-existent grasp on the most fundamental issues in this country, then our educational system, both institutionally and privately, has become worse than even I thought.

"Question: What do you think tribal sovereignty means in the 21st century, and how do we resolve conflicts between tribes and the federal and the state governments?

President Bush: Tribal sovereignty means that; it's sovereign. You're a -- you've been given sovereignty, and you're viewed as a sovereign entity. And, therefore, the relationship between the federal government and tribes is one between sovereign entities."

Thank you for that. It's all so clear to me now.

Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious

That's the only way I can think of to describe it adequately in one word. I'm still soring after yesterday's madness. It was a truly legendary day in my life and that of my companions. So Kathleen, Frannie and I went to "Little Stevie's Underground Garage Festival" on Randall's Island. It was easy to get to. We just took the train to 125th Street in Harlem and buses were running constantly, taking people over to the island. We were there before we knew it. It was a cool venue. I've never been to Randall's Island before, even though I used to live on the little Island right down river from it, Roosevelt Island. Cirque De Soleil always performs at Randall's Island and I've always wanted to go, but never made it in the years I've lived here. (I saw in Santa Monica when I was a kid, but always wanted to go again. It's one of the most spectacular things on earth.) Anyway, the venue there was really nice. A big, lush, sprawling lawn lined with food and beverages and merchandising booths leading up to a great big stage. The whole field is surrounded by tall trees. It was very pleasant.

The people who attended the concert were pleasant too for the most part. It was a good crowd, with exception to the few who will always be there that can temporarily ruin it for those around them. We witnessed a few incidents, and were even party to one. One really drunk blonde was pushing on us and yelling at this guy next to her "you are a fu-CKING faggot!" then she punched him in the head and was led away by the rational fellow who was also there with them. She and dude #2 stood off for awhile and danced until she got a hankerin to come back to hit the "fucking faggot" in the head for a second time. She was dragged away once again. Hahaa! That was pretty funny.

Then there were the two girls that came barreling into our little space where we were standing and dancing and enjoying the Strokes' AMAZING performance. All of a sudden, these two dingbats come pushing and shoving and talking and taking pictures on their stupid cellphones. Incidentally, the one behind me consistently shoves her hand in front of my face in order to take pictures with her mobile phone. I try with body language to indicate that she is really violating my personal space and that of the people around me (there was no room where we were standing for these additional bodies in the first place). She doesn't get the hint with my elbow jabs and hip shoves. The hand comes up again, into my face, she is literally bouncing up on my back, I turn around and say "knock it off, get your cellphone out of my face. Thanks." She doesn't realize how serious I am. She brushes me off and says "why don't you just chill out?" (or something). I say "no. Keep it out of my face." I face forward again and continue dancing. The little tramp decides to antagonize me by putting the phone right back up just inches away in my peripheral line of vision. I reach up and clamp my hand onto the top of her phone, twist it around tight in my grip, and turn to face her. I put it to her then: "get your fucking phone out of my face before I fucking break it in half." She, again, tells me to chill out. I tell her I'm not chilling out. She had come rudely shoving her way up into our space and talking on her stupid phone and taking mobile pictures that for some reason required bumping up against me and my friends and shoving her hand/phone into my personal cranial perimeter and that now, if she didn't get the fuck away from me, I was going to snap her little cingular wireless or whatever the fuck right in half, right there and then. At this point she looked scared enough that I felt confident to let go my fierce grip on her phone and turn back around towards the band. Next time I checked, her and her friend had slunked away and we were, once again, left in peace. If it's possible to say without sounding egotistical, I felt quite triumphant, and the remarks of those around me made the blood pressure level worth it. Kathleen just stared at me for a few minutes before laughing and saying "wow Maria. You really told that bitch off." At one point this random girl behind me tapped my shoulder and said "I don't know you, but I just want to tell you that what you did was awesome. You told that bitch." Hahaaaa! Woooo! Some people just need to be told. (With a certain ruthlessness that sometimes seems to be the only way to get the point across).

The bands were utterly fantastic. Nearly every single band we heard was incredible. Bo Diddley blew us away. The Romantics blew us away. The Dictators, the Fuzztones, the Raveonettes, the New York Dolls, the Strokes! Oh my god. It was overwhelmingly euphoric. And those are only a few of the amazing bands that played. We drank a few beers and enjoyed hanging out on the grass when we weren't up in the thick of the crowd in front of the stage rocking our little bodies this way and that. The only really rotten scenario was the port-o-potties, but we just won't talk about that. The memory will haunt me for awhile to come.

The bands, the bands....what a beautiful thing they were. I felt so lucky to be standing there the entire time, that even after hours of standing and sitting and dancing and drinking and hollering and clapping and whistling and screaming, I never wanted it to stop. By the time the Strokes played, we were only a few feet from the front. They were phenomenal. By the time Iggy finally came on, the last, the headlining, the wildly anticipated, we were so full of energy and excitement. And then he came out and fucking rocked us. I mean rocked us like no one else could. He filled the space that no one else could fill, with all their amazing talent and incredible songs, he had the physical presence that is totally unique to him. That body. That swagger that looks like a result of scoliosis or one leg being ever so slightly longer than the other. The man looks like a god in tight, hip hugging blue jeans and not a thing else. His body is a sculpture of absolute perfection. His energy grabbed every single person in that crowd... and we went fucking nuts for him. He came right up to our side of the stage and I do swear that we made eye contact several times. He is so much WITH the crowd. He doesn't try to separate himself mentally, he tries to merge with this insane intensity. He stage dived soon after entering his first song. At one point people were trying to climb over the barrier to the security walkway in between the stage and the crowd and Iggy shouted "let them in!!! LET THEM IN! Let them on the stage! Come on! Let them in!!!" People were struck with fervor and just started pushing, grabbing, tumbling over one another to get over the barrier. We felt the crowd pushing at our backs, people eager to accept Iggy's invitation, eager to get a little closer to this idol. Kathleen and I made the mutual decision to climb over the barrier and join the rest of the maniacs at the stage directly in front of Iggy. It was chaos. I thought there might be a riot and it would be all Iggy's fault. But it didn't turn into a riot. Iggy had about twenty five or more people up on the stage with him, dancing their hearts out, and everyone else trying to get up there too, but eventually, order was restored. Though not before we got to stand up on a ledge for about fifteen minutes with an amazing view of the entire crowd, dancing the night away with Iggy as our saint, bringing the natural ecstacy of energy and music, and the virtue of abandoning rules and responsibility for just a little while, into all of our lives.

And then it was over. And we took our tired bodies home to rest. It's a brand new day today and yesterday is another incredible memory to store away and enjoy for the lifetime to come.

Oh yeah, and I forgot to mention that we ran into this girl, Ginger, from Ashland, Oregon who knows all the same people I know there. That was really random. She lives in L.A. now and flew all the way to NY to see this show. That amazed me. So Kathleen, Frannie and I took the train with her and all her friends from L.A. They were fun. Good company for the trip home. Small world!

Rock N' Roll Moves the Soul

Friday. It's finally here.

I am really excited to go to this garage rock fest tomorrow at Randall's Island. Iggy and the Stooges are headlining, as well as Bo Diddley, the Strokes, and the New York Dolls. Yes. I said tomorrow I am going to see Iggy Pop.

The Strokes

and the New York Dolls

In addition to numerous other classic acts. I feel like a little kid. I only wish my dad could be here to see this with me.

Kathleen is going to come and it's not supposed to rain. (Two very important components) So things should turn out just perfect.

Garage Rock Festival Hits New York

By LUKAS I. ALPERT
Associated Press Writer

NEW YORK — The spirit of garage rock infused both the three-chord anthems of the Ramones and the raw power of Iggy and the Stooges.

But aside from a few blips on the cultural radar, the simplistic formula and nothing-fancy attitude that defines garage rock has drifted to the fringes of musical history. Played in dingy garages and barrooms, it was mostly ignored by the mainstream.

Well, get your ear plugs ready.

That three-chord energy is set to shake the musical world's hips as 40 bands from legendary rocker Bo Diddley to revivalists the Strokes gather in New York to kick out the jams at the International Underground Garage Festival.

"Look, we've been drowning in mediocrity for too long," said Little Steven Van Zandt, who organized the festival and has championed all things garage for several years with a nationally syndicated radio show. "It's time to re-embrace the basics, that spirit of rock 'n' roll."

Every era of garage rock from the 1950s to the present day will be represented at Saturday's festival. For some bands it will be the first time they have performed together in years. And in keeping with garage rock character, tickets are only $20.

Van Zandt says the festival means garage rock's time has finally come.

"It really is an international movement and right now is the time to recognize this officially as a genre," said Van Zandt, Silvio Dante on HBO's "The Sopranos" and the guitarist from Bruce Sprinsteen's E Street Band. "We're in a unique place that rock 'n' roll has been pushed underground and now it is being reborn."

Despite its influence, defining garage rock has always been difficult, as it has constantly reinvented itself. But a few things have carried through: generally simple song structure, loud guitars and an attitude of rock-for-the-sake-of-rock.

"People sometimes mistake garage for kids playing out of tune," Van Zandt said. "It's that too, but there's a certain spirit, a certain simplicity. There is a pop element to it, a certain '60s pop structure. It's the Stones at the Crawdaddy Club in 1962. It's the Who at the Marquee Club. It's a little bit hard to describe."

Which perhaps explains why it has always played second or even third fiddle to easier to define genres like blues, heavy metal or hip-hop.

But it's garage's outsider status that has always branded it as cool, said Fabrizio Moretti, drummer for the Strokes.

"Even though the mainstream doesn't recognize garage as much or as prevalently as those crazy huge bands, garage does get the privilege of being looked upon as something that's cool even by people that don't understand it," he said.

And when the mainstream has grown tired of some of its mainstay pop formulas, it has always looked to garage for an adrenaline shot of hipness.

"Every once and a while there's a point where mainstream and garage kind of cross," Moretti said. "Joey Ramone said they had modeled their stuff after '50s pop songs, so there you go."

A wide variety of bands from different eras will come together next weekend: not just Bo Diddley and Iggy and the Stooges, but Nancy Sinatra, the Dictators, the Fuzztones and the Romantics.

Such contemporary acts as the Strokes and the Mooney Suzuki round out the bill.

But the festival's highlight no doubt will be the first U.S. appearance in nearly 30 years of the New York Dolls — whose cross-dressing proto-glam/punk approach was tremendously influential on the development of punk and new wave.

Singer David Johansen (who later recreated himself as pompadoured R&B singer Buster Poindexter) said he's not sure if the Dolls really quite represent garage.

"We were more like a storefront band than a garage band. But most bands start out in some sort of dump," he joked.

Regardless, the 54-year-old Johansen said he and the band's other surviving member, guitarist Syl Slyvain are prepared to play just like they did at 1973's Halloween Ball at the Waldorf-Astoria.

"Don't worry, we'll be tarted up good and proper for a bunch of old queens," he said.

___

On the Net:

http://www.littlestevensundergroundgarage.com/

Iggy Forever

Well I've paid homage to other music artists lately that I love, but I've neglected to mention Iggy Pop, another one of my major idols. I've been listening to him a lot lately. I went to that movie premiere for Coffee and Cigarettes, which he was in, and hoped desperately that he would be there. Unfortunately, he and Tom Waits were two that didn't show up. My disappointment was slightly muted by the fact that I met many other music artists that I have long admired, but at the end of it all, I was still bummed I didn't get the chance to shake hands with Iggy and tell him how dearly I love him and his music. More than anything, I love his honesty and raw energy. This song is from one of my favorite albums, Brick By Brick.

Main Street Eyes

This whole country is scared of failure.
My head keeps trying to sell me ambition.
But in my heart, I want self-respect.
There’s a conflict.

Boy, I feel so outgunned today
But I’ll get up and fight back, anyway
You and I are not huge mainstream stars
But unlike them, we’re really what we are

We got main street eyes
Watchin’ as the big boys roll by
Under rotten television skies
We got main street eyes

I saw a kitten squashed in the street
I read about a plastic surgeon and his art collection.

We are played for suckers all the time
Phony rock and roll
It’s a crime
I don’t want to dip myself in trash
I don’t want to give myself for cash

We got main street eyes
Tryin’ to do what’s decent with our lives
Under funny television skies
We got main street eyes

Walkin’ around sometimes
I see a tension under the surface
People are just about ready to explode.

So hold me, and trust me
I love you, don’t worry.
Keep your main street eyes
Keep your main street eyes
Keep your main street eyes
Eyes
Eyes

Deep Dark Bloody Darkness

Today is all about music. I've been in my own world. I need to be in my own world so that I don't hurt anyone. There's a crimson wave lapping at the shore. A red robin knocking at the door.

Bauhaus always works to immerse me in the peace and tranquility of my own imagination. If you've never listened to Bauhaus or Love & Rockets, I highly recommend picking some up. I'm not crazy about goths so much, but I love me some gothrock.

Severance By Bauhaus

Severance
The birds of leaving call to us,
Yet here we stand
endowed with the fear of flight.
Overland
The winds of change consume the land,
While we remain
In the shadow of summers now past.
When all the leaves
Have fallen and turned to dust,
Will we remain
Entrenched within our ways.
Indifference,
The plague that moves throughout this land
Omen signs
In the shapes of things to come.
Tomorrow's child is the only child.

Seems relevant to the times, doesn't it?

And following is my favorite song from the movie, The Hunger. If you haven't seen it, you need to. Catherine Deneuve, David Bowie and Susan Sarandon. Need I say more? That movie was one of the contributing factors behind the tattoo I got on my belly when I was 16. Sad? Perhaps. But I think it demonstrates how much I love the damn movie. There are other reasons for the tattoo of course...but they're not as interesting.

Bela Lugosi's Dead By Bauhaus

White on white translucent black capes
Back on the rack
Bela Lugosi's dead
The bats have left the bell tower
The victims have been bled
Red velvet lines the black box
Bela Lugosi's dead
Undead undead undead
The virginal brides file past his tomb
Strewn with time's dead flowers
Bereft in deathly bloom
Alone in a darkened room
The count
Bela Logosi's dead
Undead undead undead

Win

In case you didn't already know, I'm a lifelong David Bowie fan. He is one of the most amazing, original artists of all time.

This was one of my favorite songs to listen to when I was a swooning teen and when I hear it now, it reminds me of a time when I was fearless and living life with total abandon. I love how music encapsulates memories...

Win

Me, I hope that I'm crazy
I feel you driving and you're only the wheel
Slow down, let someone love you
Ohh, I've never touched you since I started to feel
If there's nothing to hide me
Then you've never seen me hanging naked and wired
Somebody lied, I say it's hip
To be alive

Now your smile is spreading thin
Seems you're trying not to lose
Since I'm not supposed to grin
All you've got to do is win
Me, I'm fresh on your pages
Secret thinker sometimes listening aloud
Life lies dumb on its heroes
Wear your wound with honor, make someone proud
Someone like you should not be allowed
To start any fires

Now your smile is spreading thin
Seems you're trying not to lose
Since I'm not supposed to grin
All you've got to do is win

Hell Must Be Full

Stumbled upon this today while conducting google searches out of sheer boredome. It is a list of 1,470 very good reasons not to vote for Bush this November, which includes links to pertinent articles. If that weren't enough, there are the latest headlines and editorials.

One thing that really caught my attention on that page (because this is the first I've heard of it) was this:

Bush wants to test every American for mental illness--including you! And guess who will create the tests?

Next month, President Bush plans to unveil a broad new mental health plan called the “New Freedom Initiative.” Never mind that it couldn’t have less to do with freedom; if you’re a thinking American, this initiative should scare the hell out of you.

The New Freedom Initiative proposes to screen every American, including you, for mental illness. To this end, the president established a New Freedom Commission on Mental Health, to study the nation’s mental health delivery service and make a report. It’s interesting to note that many on the staff appointed to the Commission have served on the advisory boards of some of the nation’s largest drug companies.

The commission reported that “despite their prevalence, mental disorders often go undiagnosed,” so it recommended comprehensive mental health screening for “consumers of all ages,” including preschool children because “each year, young children are expelled from preschools and childcare facilities for severely disruptive behaviors and emotional disorders.”

Children and school personnel will be the first to be screened. The panel concluded that schools are in “key positions” to screen the 52 million students and six million adults who work at the schools. By doing this, the commission expects to flush out another six million persons not now receiving treatment. But who will decide the screening criteria? Bush and his people? The drug companies? What are their qualifications?

One recommendation of the commission was that the screening be linked with “treatment and supports,” using “specific medications for specific conditions.” It is no coincidence that the treatments recommended for specific conditions are the newest state-of-the-art treatments that will bring in the most revenues for the drug companies. One of these emerging treatments is a capsule implanted within the body that delivers doses of medication without the patient having to swallow pills or take injections. If a government wanted to exert control of its citizens, think of the implications of using this device.

The Texas Medication Algorithm Project, or TMAP, was named by the commission as a “model” medication treatment plan that “illustrates an evidence-based practice that results in better consumer outcomes.” Medical algorithms are a decision-tree approach to treatment. If symptoms A, B, and C are evident, use treatment X. In 1995, TMAP began as an alliance of individuals from the University of Texas, the pharmaceutical industry, and the mental health and corrections systems of Texas. This plan was trumpeted by the American Psychiatric Association even as it asked for increased funding to implement TMAP. When an employee of the Inspector General’s office revealed that state officials with influence over the plan had received money and perks from drug companies who stood to gain from it, the plan came under severe criticism.

Allen Jones, an employee of the Pennsylvania Office of the Inspector General, wrote a whistleblower report in which he stated that behind the recommendations of the New Freedom Commission was the “political/pharmaceutical alliance” that developed the Texas project, which promotes the use of newer, more expensive antipsychotics and antidepressants. He further claimed that this unholy alliance was “poised to consolidate the TMAP effort into a comprehensive national policy to treat mental illness with expensive, patented medications of questionable benefit and deadly side effects, and to force private insurers to pick up more of the tab.”

In an article in the British Medical Journal, Jones shows that many companies who helped launch TMAP are also major contributors to Bush’s re-election funds. For example, Eli Lilly manufactures olanzapine. This is one of the drugs recommended in the New Freedom plan. Lilly has numerous ties to the Bush administration according to the British Medical Journal. It says George Herbert Walker Bush was once a member of Lilly’s board of directors. Our current President Bush appointed Lilly’s chief executive officer, Sidney Taurel, as a member of the Homeland Security Council. Eighty-two percent of Lilly’s $1.6 million in political contributions in 2000 went to Bush and the Republican Party.

Now don’t get me wrong. The medical algorithm approach used in Texas shows promise as a treatment tool for mental health and other illnesses. But make no mistake; this initiative is not really about treatment tools. Masquerading in the lamb's fleece of providing mental health treatment to needy folk is the greedy wolf called Big Pharma. Helping out Big Pharma in the form of the TMAP has nearly bankrupted Texas. So why would our president want to do that to the rest of the nation?

To understand this, one must look at the big picture.

At the recent Inequality Matters Conference, Bill Moyers illuminated listeners on the front of a new class war being waged against us by the wealthy leviathan corporations. “Their stated and open aim is to change how America is governed, to strip from government all its functions except those that reward their rich and privileged benefactors…. Their leading strategist in Washington, the same Grover Norquist, has famously said he wants to shrink the government down to the size that it could be drowned in a bathtub. More recently, in commenting on the fiscal crisis in the states and its affect on schools and poor people, Norquist said, ‘I hope one of them’--one of the states--‘goes bankrupt.’ So much for compassionate conservatism…. The White House pursues the same homicidal dream without saying so. Instead of shrinking down the government, they're filling the bathtub with so much debt that it floods the house, water-logs the economy, and washes away services for decades that have lifted millions of Americans out of destitution and into the middle-class. And what happens once the public’s property has been flooded? Privatize it. Sell it at a discounted rate to the corporations.”

On a website describing the Take Back America conference in June of 2003, Moyers is paraphrased: “[The Bush Administration] would privatize public services in order to enrich the corporate interests that fund campaigns and provide golden parachutes to pliable politicians. If unchecked, the result of these machinations will be the dismantling of every last brick of the social contract…. I think this is a deliberate, intentional destruction of the United States of America.”

The destruction of America is evident in many ways. Do not be fooled; the Bushites intend to control all they can, and if that can include your brain, they will do it. If Big Pharma benefits, all the better. The New Freedom Initiative is an early step toward both, and $20 million has already been set aside to implement the initiative.

Work now to maintain your grip on your first great freedom, the power to control your own thoughts. Work now to maintain your grip on your secondary freedom of being able to control the approval for your own medical treatments. Ask your congressmen and senators today to put an end to the New Freedom Initiative.

Find your congressional representatives and senators here!

Jordanne Graham is a writer and researcher in the Midwest. She is doing all she can to protect the country and the environment.
Posted Sunday, August 8, 2004

It makes my hair stand up on end. When I was a teenager I had a dream that I'll never forget. One of the most lucid dreams of my lifetime. I dreamt that I was a little girl again and that our country was being controlled by a very evil man. In my dream, he was the devil. This man was using a drug to gain control of people's minds. Him and his "soldiers of the new world order" (as they were in my dream) were targeting children as a priority because their minds were still so maleable. My parents were revolutionaries in the dream, saving the children from this evil ruler and his terrible mind control drug. In my dream, there were safe havens. Places where my parents would hide the children where we would all be safe from the devil and his soldiers. One of the safe havens was this big tall building. My parents took us there, as we were being pursued. It was them and us, a large group of children.

For some reason they had to leave me alone in a room in the building. They took the other children with them and promised to be right back. I sat down in a chair. Suddenly, a man appeared in another chair across from me. I knew who he was the moment I saw him. I knew he was the demon who was trying to control and manipulate our minds. He spoke to me telapathically. He held out his hand and in it was a little foil package. He told me with his thoughts "take it." I said "no." I was speaking without moving my lips or making a sound. He insisted "don't you just want a little taste?" I said "no." He tossed the package at me and my hand reflexively reached out to catch it. The foil wrapper fell open in my palm and a pale green gel leaked out onto my skin. He asked me again "don't you want to taste?" I was compelled. I touched my tongue to my palm. I could taste it. In my dream I tasted it. It was sweet and cold and stung a little. My mind began to twist upon itself. I looked at the man across from me and his face distorted into a horrible mask of evil. His soul began to reveal itself and it was ugly. It reminded me of when Jack Nicholson exposes himself as satan in "The Witches of Eastwick." I jumped up and tried to run. His arm shot out and he gripped my wrist tightly. I wrenched free of him and began to run again. I ran and ran until I woke up from the dream. I know it sounds crazy, but I honestly believe that it was a premonition. If this article is true, it only confirms it. But I never imagined that the goal would be for the drug companies to prosper. That is truly the most dispicable thing that I can imagine at this moment.

Crap Happy

Could someone please help me out here and explain how the prozac is getting into the drinking water? Because to me, it sounds like people take the prozac, then it comes out of their butts, then when their sewage water is "treated," it somehow becomes drinking water...? And the residues of the prozac that came out with the ka-ka are somehow still IN the water? Am I reading this wrong? Someone help!!! I guess all the prozac keeps them from revolting against the fact that their drinking water and treated sewage water are mingling? But if the residue of Prozac is getting into the drinking water, my first question would be "what the hell else is in there?"

LONDON (Reuters) - Traces of the anti-depressant Prozac have been found in Britain's drinking water supply, setting off alarm bells with environmentalists concerned about potentially toxic effects. The Observer newspaper said Sunday that a report by the government's environment watchdog found Prozac was building up in river systems and groundwater used for drinking supplies.

The exact quantity of Prozac in the drinking water was unknown, but the Environment Agency's report concluded Prozac could be potentially toxic in the water table.

Experts say that Prozac finds its way into rivers and water systems from treated sewage water, and some believe the drugs could affect reproductive ability.

A spokesman for Britain's Drinking Water Inspectorate said Prozac was likely to be found in a considerably watered down form that was unlikely to pose a health risk.

"It is extremely unlikely that there is a risk, as such drugs are excreted in very low concentrations," the spokesman said. "Advanced treatment processes installed for pesticide removal are effective in removing drug residues."

But environmentalists called for an urgent investigation into the findings.

Norman Baker, environment spokesman for the Liberal Democrats, said it looked "like a case of hidden mass medication upon the unsuspecting public."

"It is alarming that there is no monitoring of levels of Prozac and other pharmacy residues in our drinking water," he told the Observer.

The Environment Agency has held a series of meetings with the pharmaceutical industry to discuss any repercussions for human health or the ecosystem, the Observer said.

Prescription of anti-depressants has surged in Britain. In the decade up to 2001, overall prescriptions of antidepressants rose from 9 million to 24 million a year, the paper said.

I must be missing something here.

Resident Evil

I can't believe the disrespectful assholes who visit my website. I ask nicely for everyone to stop turning my threads into trashcans. Nobody listens. I am fucking pissed. If it doesn't stop, I'm going to stop allowing comments altogether, and maybe even just stop blogging. The forgeries, the acrimony, the utter disregard for my domain has got to stop.

If you want to be a negative drag on everyone you come into contact with and make ugly remarks in all of my entries, find another blog. I deserve better than that. If you think I sit here and put my thumb up my ass and well written entries pop out, you're wrong. It takes time and energy for me to keep this blog going. I love to do it, but not enough to endure the abuse of people coming into my comments section and spewing garbage and hatred. You may think you're just abusing eachother or putting in your two cents, but in the meantime you are shitting on me, the person writing this blog.

Thanks a lot. It's always nice to come home from a busy weekend to an appalling, pointless trashfest.

Afterthought: Sorry if this seemed directed at EVERYONE, it's not. The people who it is directed at know exactly who they are. I was really frustrated when I wrote this earlier and I think I failed to clarify that I appreciate all of the people who visit my site and find enjoyment here, reading and sharing thoughts and opinions and lending goodwill. I just do not undersand why certain individuals cannot seem to refrain from conducting pissing wars in my comments. I don't mind people disagreeing with eachother, but some need to learn a little something about civility.

Another Adventure

Off to Providence, Rhode Island for the weekend. Never been, should be interesting. Maybe even fun!

Is there a beach there in RI? I thought I heard there was a beach...I sure hope so ;o)

He WAS Rick James Bitch!!!

I can't believe that Rick James is d-e-a-d.

The man who gave me Superfreak and Mary Jane. :o( Oh.

That makes me sad. Goodbye Rick. Say hello to Ray Charles for us. And I will remember you every time I hear "Superfreak" (I'll also remember that I danced on a table in Tijuana once, but I'll think of you first.:o) RIP. The memory of you will live on.

Ummm...Okay.

I'm having trouble figuring out how having sex on stage without the audience's prior knowledge or consent, is helping to save the rainforest. I have a feeling that these people might just be nuts. NPI.

"We'd rather go to jail than accept a fine," claimed Tommy Holm Ellingsen, who had sex with partner Leona Johansson before an audience of thousands at the Quart Festival in Kristiansand on Tuesday. The stunt, which concert organizers claim came as a complete surprise, has set off shockwaves, even in liberal Norway.

Both Ellingsen and Johansson were called in for police questioning on Wednesday and later slapped with fines of NOK 10,000 (about USD 1,400) each for violating statutes dealing with public decency.

Ellingsen claims the couple performed the surprise sex stunt during a set by the controversial band The Cumshots "actually to draw attention to the rain forests, which are in the process of disappearing."

Whoa Nelly. Let's screw our heads back on and figure out a more reasonable way of going about this activist business, shall we? I think most people who support environmental causes might not quite see the connection...?

A Damn Good Time

That was enough of the cheerleading Bush. The wiggling was starting to make me insane.

So I am replacing it with this:

They make a great team don't they?

Mental

Bush Using Drugs to Control Depression, Erratic Behavior
By TERESA HAMPTON
Editor, Capitol Hill Blue
Jul 28, 2004

President George W. Bush is taking powerful anti-depressant drugs to control his erratic behavior, depression and paranoia, Capitol Hill Blue has learned.

The prescription drugs, administered by Col. Richard J. Tubb, the White House physician, can impair the President’s mental faculties and decrease both his physical capabilities and his ability to respond to a crisis, administration aides admit privately.

“It’s a double-edged sword,” says one aide. “We can’t have him flying off the handle at the slightest provocation but we also need a President who is alert mentally.”

Tubb prescribed the anti-depressants after a clearly-upset Bush stormed off stage on July 8, refusing to answer reporters' questions about his relationship with indicted Enron executive Kenneth J. Lay.

“Keep those motherfuckers away from me,” he screamed at an aide backstage. “If you can’t, I’ll find someone who can.”

Bush’s mental stability has become the topic of Washington whispers in recent months. Capitol Hill Blue first reported on June 4 about increasing concern among White House aides over the President’s wide mood swings and obscene outbursts.

Although GOP loyalists dismissed the reports an anti-Bush propaganda, the reports were later confirmed by prominent George Washington University psychiatrist Dr. Justin Frank in his book Bush on the Couch: Inside the Mind of the President. Dr. Frank diagnosed the President as a “paranoid meglomaniac” and “untreated alcoholic” whose “lifelong streak of sadism, ranging from childhood pranks (using firecrackers to explode frogs) to insulting journalists, gloating over state executions and pumping his hand gleefully before the bombing of Baghdad” showcase Bush’s instabilities.

“I was really very unsettled by him and I started watching everything he did and reading what he wrote and watching him on videotape. I felt he was disturbed,” Dr. Frank said. “He fits the profile of a former drinker whose alcoholism has been arrested but not treated.”

Dr. Frank’s conclusions have been praised by other prominent psychiatrists, including Dr. James Grotstein, Professor at UCLA Medical Center, and Dr. Irvin Yalom, MD, Professor Emeritus at Stanford University Medical School.

The doctors also worry about the wisdom of giving powerful anti-depressant drugs to a person with a history of chemical dependency. Bush is an admitted alcoholic, although he never sought treatment in a formal program, and stories about his cocaine use as a younger man haunted his campaigns for Texas governor and his first campaign for President.

“President Bush is an untreated alcoholic with paranoid and megalomaniac tendencies,” Dr. Frank adds.

The White House did not return phone calls seeking comment on this article.

Although the exact drugs Bush takes to control his depression and behavior are not known, White House sources say they are “powerful medications” designed to bring his erratic actions under control. While Col. Tubb regularly releases a synopsis of the President’s annual physical, details of the President’s health and any drugs or treatment he may receive are not public record and are guarded zealously by the secretive cadre of aides that surround the President.

Veteran White House watchers say the ability to control information about Bush’s health, either physical or mental, is similar to Ronald Reagan’s second term when aides managed to conceal the President’s increasing memory lapses that signaled the onslaught of Alzheimer’s Disease.

It also brings back memories of Richard Nixon’s final days when the soon-to-resign President wandered the halls and talked to portraits of former Presidents. The stories didn’t emerge until after Nixon left office.

One long-time GOP political consultant who – for obvious reasons – asked not to be identified said he is advising his Republican Congressional candidates to keep their distance from Bush.

“We have to face the very real possibility that the President of the United States is loony tunes,” he says sadly. “That’s not good for my candidates, it’s not good for the party and it’s certainly not good for the country.”

© Copyright 2004 Capitol Hill Blue

Peace & Protest

This piece that appeared in NY Magazine by Norman Mailer and John Mailer is truly great. Together, Father and son, over the course of an in depth conversation, explore the pros and cons of political protesting and share their thoughts on the election we are facing and the people involved.

Father to Son: What I've Learned About Rage A conversation between a man of legendary fury and his son preparing to go to the barricades about the uses and abuses of Bush hatred. By Norman Mailer & John Buffalo Mailer

John Buffalo Mailer: Let’s start with Fahrenheit 9/11. I’ve seen it three times, and with each viewing I became more aware of Michael Moore’s tricks. I would say about 50 percent of the film is indisputable, particularly the portion on Iraq, but in the first half he uses too many needless tricks.

Norman Mailer: I don’t disagree. I saw it for the first time last night, and was upset through the first half. You don’t make your case by showing George H.W. Bush and a Saudi sheikh shaking hands. On a photo op, important politicians will shake hands with the devil. Moore seems to think that if you get people laughing at the right wing, you will win through ridicule. He’s wrong. That’s when we lose. Back with the Progressive Party in 1948, we used to laugh and laugh at how dumb the other side was. We’re still laughing, and we’re further behind now.

On the other hand, the stuff on Iraq was powerful. There, he didn’t need cheap shots. The real story was in the faces. All those faces on the Bush team. What you saw was the spiritual emptiness of those people. Bush has one of the emptiest faces in America. He looks to have no more depth than spit on a rock. It could be that the most incisive personal crime committed by George Bush is that he probably never said to himself, “I don’t deserve to be president.” You just can’t trust a man who’s never been embarrassed by himself. The vanity of George W. stands out with every smirk. He literally cannot control that vanity. It seeps out of every movement of his lips, it squeezes through every tight-lipped grimace. Every grin is a study in smugsmanship.

JBM His face does bring out the rage of the left. Never before have I seen so many people’s blood boil at the sight of an American president. Especially in New York. Of all the cities out there, why would the Republicans pick New York to hold their convention?

NM I would say they are hoping for ugly attacks. If I were a voice in top Republican circles, I might be offering this advice: “What we need for New York is a large-scale riot. Some of those activist kids will be crazy enough to do a lot on their own, but we can do better with a few of our guys, well-placed, ready to urinate on the good American flag. Let us recognize that if we lose, all we’ve been doing since 2000 is bound to come out. Back a couple of years ago, Karl Rove was saying that we could gain a twenty-year hegemony by winning the next election. He hasn’t said it lately, not since the worst of Iraq came through. Because now we could be out of power for those same twenty years. So I recommend that we put as many of our people into the protest movement in New York as we can find.” Or so, at least, speaks the cool Republican planner I envisage in my mind.

JBM There could be such people out there. But the Republicans may not even need them. There are thousands of 15-, 16-, 17-year-old anarchists who are truly angry. These kids don’t really know what anarchy is all about, but they do know that when they throw a brick through a window, it makes them feel good and there’s a chance they will end up on television. This feeds into the celebrity craze that America is under right now of “Get on TV, man! That’s when you’re really important!” This may be the first protest where there will be as many cameras as protesters.

NM Some of them will have footage to sell afterward. The networks and cable companies will be looking for clips.

JBM Right, but it’s also for the demonstrators’ own protection. A cop is much less likely to bash a protester in the head if he’s holding a video camera.

NM I must say, I hadn’t thought of that.

JBM I feel we’ve entered a realm where the question is, whose propaganda is better? The left is beginning to figure out that they can’t beat the right with intelligent argument. They need punch phrases that get to the heart of the average American. If that’s the case, what is the future for our country?

NM That’s not my first worry right now. Do the activists really know what they’re going into? That’s my concern. Or do they assume that expressing their rage is equal to getting Kerry elected? It could have exactly the opposite effect. The better mode may be to frustrate the Republicans by coming up with orderly demonstrations. Now, when I was young, the suggestion to be moderate was like a stink bomb to me. An orderly demonstration? What were we, cattle? You have to speak out with your rage. Well, I’m trying to say, we would do well to realize that on this occasion, there are more important things than a good outburst. I wish we could remind everybody who goes out to march of the old Italian saying: “Revenge is a dish that people of taste eat cold.” Instead of expressing yourself at the end of August, think of how nicely you will be able to keep expressing yourself over the four years to come if we win. Just keep thinking how much the Republicans want anarchy on the street. I say, don’t march right into their trap.

JBM What can activists do to avoid that?

NM Well, the trouble with being in a cautionary position is that you’re limited. You’re trying to slow down a wave. Everyone expects excesses—it’s a question of how many there will be. Most of the leaders of most of the activist organizations are responsible, most of them, certainly. And I think some of them see the peril. They will do well to look at their own ranks and see if they’ve got some peculiarly rotten apples in the barrel.

JBM One of the problems with this movement is that there’s no leader per se. There are spokespeople for each group. But this is a movement that has grown organically and has relied on the goodness of human nature almost to a fault. And I believe it’s coming to a head, where, without somebody directing the huge crowd that’s going to be there, without saying, “This is what the movement believes in,” Middle America will see nothing but anarchy.

NM You make me think of the march on the Pentagon in 1967. There was a marvelous guy named David Dellinger, now dead, who led it, and a man named A. J. Muste, an old anarchist, also gone, a fine old anarchist. They got together and realized they had to find some kind of umbrella organization that could have input to all the activist groups. And they succeeded. They had a series of discussions with the various elements. And there was virtually no disarray to speak of, compared to what it could have been. The march on the Pentagon even ended up having a final effect that was impressive. I think it was the beginning of the end of the war in Vietnam, and for a very simple reason: Lyndon Johnson saw 50,000 mostly middle-class people come to Washington to stage a set of demonstrations that were going to be opposed by troops and police. LBJ knew people well. From his point of view, most middle-class people were hardly full of physical bravery. If they were going to pay their own money and come by car or bus or train to march into the possibility of being hit over the head with a cop’s club, then there had to be millions of people behind them.

JBM I don’t know that there’s time to change the mood before the RNC begins.

NM I don’t think there is, but my hope is that there are also going to be enough people whose most powerful passion will not be to get on TV, but to defeat Bush.

JBM I don’t know that we can make it through another four years of Bush.

NM Oh, we’ll make it through, although I’m not saying what we’ll be like at the end. By then, Karl Rove may have his twenty years. Just think of the kind of brainwashing we’ve had for the last four. On TV, Bush rinses hundreds of thousands of American brains with every sentence. He speaks only in clichés. You know, I happened to run into Ralph Nader recently in Chicago, and I, like a great many others, was looking to dissuade him from his present course. He’s a very nice man, maybe the nicest man I’ve met in politics—there’s something very decent about Nader, truly convincing in terms of his own probity. So I didn’t feel, “Oh, he’s doing it for ugly motives.” Didn’t have that feeling at all in the course of our conversation. Still, I was trying, as I say, to dissuade him, while recognizing that the odds were poor that I’d be successful. At one point, he said, “You know, they’re both for the corporation, Kerry and Bush.” And it’s true; both candidates are for the corporation, and I do agree with Nader that ultimately the corporation is the major evil. But in my mind, Bush is the immediate obstacle. He is a collection of disasters for America. What he does to the English language is a species of catastrophe all by itself. Bush learned a long time ago that certain key words, “evil, patriotism, stand-firm, flag, our-fight-against-terrorism,” will get half the people in America stirred up. That’s all he works with. Kerry will be better in many ways, no question. All the same, he will go along too much with the corporations who, in my not always modest opinion, are running America. At present, I don’t see how any mainstream politician can do otherwise. Finally, they’re working against forces greater than themselves.

JBM Can we talk about the moderate Republicans’ role in this election? Like McCain, for instance. He came out strong for Bush. Why?

NM McCain, I think, wants to be president. He certainly has every right. All the same, successful politicians have to make hard choices. Very few good people can do it because the hard choices are so often godawful. In addition, you have to smile standing next to people you despise. Even a relatively honest man has to become pretty phony. If you don’t know which way the wind is blowing, you’re dead as a politician. You can have the honesty and incorruptibility of Ralph Nader, but, as we see, that does not get you elected. So, even McCain must have said to himself, “I could be president. I could be a much better president than George Bush ever dreamed of being. Whereas, if I go with Kerry, and Kerry loses, I’m doomed—I will be a black sheep to my own party. And if Kerry wins, I’ll be a lame-duck vice-president all the way. On the other hand, if I go with Bush and he wins, in four years I’m the logical choice to be the Republican candidate. Indeed, win or lose for Bush, I’m the front-runner Republican candidate for 2008.

JBM However, if McCain comes out strong for Bush—say, were he even to run as his vice-president, and Bush wins, I can’t imagine McCain would be able in all good conscience to put up with what Bush would do with another four years. How is he in a strong position to run for president if he kowtows to Bush?

NM Politicians do have their vanity. McCain might think, “George is an empty vessel. If I were vice-president, I could influence him. He might become a better chief executive if I were vice-president.” That could be the barb on the harpoon that hooks McCain. “I owe it to the country to make George W. Bush a better president.” Yes, McCain could decide, “I have to bite the bullet and work for a man I truly despise. But it’s necessary. America needs it.” The moment a politician says to himself, “America needs it,” he can shift the direction of the wind within the halls of his own brain.

JBM Let’s talk about protest as an end in and of itself. Are there benefits other than the political?

NM Yes. I think so. People who run protests have a chance to exercise power where they couldn’t otherwise, since generally they are against the system in one large way or another. Yet, some of them have serious talents for organizing, directing, and leading. And people who join very often get a good bit of therapy. Literally. They are not only able to vent real rage but can test their courage.

JBM Well, they are also doing something about the way they feel politically.

NM That’s the third benefit—a dubious one. You can feel that, yes, you’re working to change the system, but are you changing it or confirming it? Never assume that a protest is going to accomplish what you want it to. Media interpretations of your protest dull the impulse, warp it, or even choke it off. If you could talk to the people you really want to reach out there, people far from New York, talk to them face to face, eye to eye, they might listen, because you do have things to say. Of course, you have to stay cool. Americans get nervous when listening to anyone who’s keyed up. Major politicians are always cool. The one moment, for example, when Howard Dean went over the top, remember? The media never forgave him. And the mass of TV viewers followed like sheep. Dean had committed a no-no—he had expressed his pain and anger loudly. The problem with mass protests is that you have to pass through that immense filter of the news media. So you do get on TV for your fifteen seconds of Warholian fame. All your friends say, “Hey, man, you were on!” As if you’ve accomplished something. You might have been screaming. You might have had your face painted with ketchup to look like blood. Even if you manage to be semi-reasonable on the air, the odds are against speaking incisively and calmly. Because you’ve just got the one moment. So, all too often, protests accomplish the opposite of what they desire. Over the long term, protests can do a lot, but not at once. For example, when we had the march on the Pentagon in the fall of 1967, the immediate reaction was bad. The media trashed us. But we did have a positive effect over a period of time. In contrast, the demonstrations in Chicago in the summer of ’68 probably lost Humphrey the election.

JBM Why?

NM Well, liberals did react against the open, ugly, and unforgettable spectacle of the police smashing into the front ranks of the marchers, but even more voters felt that anarchy was loose in the street, so they blamed the marchers for aggravating the cops. A great majority of Americans are very much keyed to public order. We’re a country where everyone who came here tore up old roots by leaving their home country. That creates a long-term anxiety. So in America, the reluctance to cause disturbance is always sitting there in opposition to the other big American desire—which is to express oneself, to be free and free-spoken. I can speak from my own experiences as a candidate for mayor in the New York primaries of 1969. I thought people would want what I offered. But I was opting for too much change. In politics, people want continuance. Americans don’t want their lives disturbed. That’s the basic problem with protest. It’s good for the protesters, but not always so good for the candidate you want to get in.

JBM Let’s go back to the ’68 protest. What were its successes?

NM I think it was not too bad for a lot of people who were in it, individual kids who discovered that they did have the balls to protest. Because when you do, you have to pass through your fear. After all, you can get beaten up. Not everyone can face that possibility. So it could have been good for some of those who forced themselves into the protest, good for their self-respect down the road.

JBM Don’t you think that it was thanks to the protests, in large part, that the Vietnam War ended?

NM That was one large reason. But I’ve always felt that what made the suits who run so much of America truly nervous was the notion that they could no longer trust the kids who came to work for them from the best universities. In that sense, protests against the war were serious, were effective. But that’s not the situation today.

JBM When you have an issue such as “End the war in Vietnam,” it’s a set goal. You know what you’re going for. One of the problems with this movement is that there’s no specific goal to be achieved, aside from “Get Bush out.” When I ask the protesters, “What exactly are you protesting at the Republican National Convention?,” no two answers are the same. Perhaps it is because there are too many abominations being committed to pick one.

NM When and how are you going to protest? Which group would you join?

JBM On August 30, I plan to march with KWRU.Org, the Poor People’s Campaign. That’s Cheri Honkala’s organization. After that, I’m not sure.

NM Okay.

JBM What could the protesters do that would further the cause?

NM What they could do is not what they’re going to be allowed to do. It won’t all be their fault. You can be damn sure Pataki and Bloomberg do not want to embarrass George Bush. If these demonstrations ever hurt Bush, and he still gets reelected, New York will be penalized in terms of receiving money from Washington. That’s one reason Bloomberg and Co. kept them from holding their protest in front of the Garden. If a million people were to walk down Fifth Avenue—which is where it should be—that could have a significant effect. Especially if it was a peaceful march. But the Republicans don’t want a peaceful demonstration with that number of bodies. One of the things about the Pentagon march back in ’67 is how peaceful it proved to be. Despite all the negative media hype that came out afterward, the second word that came, if slowly, was: “Peaceful—these people were peaceful.” The ideal is exactly to have a huge, passive demonstration. If it could take place without calamitous incidents, odds are Kerry will probably win. But a combination of riots with media coverage will give Bush a huge spike.

JBM Would you say New York is part of America, or is it its own entity?

NM You want to talk about great American cities, speak of Boston, Chicago, New Orleans, San Francisco. Put up your own favorites, if you have any. Los Angeles, if you must. But New York is our only world city. It does not have a hell of a lot in common with the rest of America; it doesn’t even have much to do with upper New York State. Which is why all those years ago I said, let’s separate. I saw New York as eventually becoming comparable to Hong Kong, a semi-independent city-state. For better or worse, it may yet happen.

JBM Do you think Kerry or mainstream Democrats are going to associate with the protesters at all?

NM I think they’ll have people out there, trying to put a little oil on these very troubled waters.

JBM How so?

NM Well, they have contacts. Power is power. We were talking earlier about what people get out of a protest movement. A leader who’s pretty good at exercising a little local power doesn’t mind getting a little more. Hell, Kerry started as an activist. So there will probably be hints from his people: “We’ll treat you right when we get elected.” I can’t believe Kerry’s people will sit by passively and say, “Oh, dear, isn’t this awful,” like I’m saying right now.

JBM Are you going to come protest with me?

NM No. Even if I believed in the efficacy of the protest, I wouldn’t go. I can’t walk anymore without two canes. Standing in place is worse. It drives me nuts. Two arthritic knees. So, I’m out of it. I won’t go in a wheelchair. I want to be able to defend myself if things go wrong.

JBM What if there were no protests?

NM I’m not sure that would be a loss. There’s so much anger at Bush. It isn’t as if more anger has to percolate.

JBM Then what do you think will be the Democrats’ tactics?

NM I’d say they demonstrated their tactics during the July convention. They will look to catch the swing voters and those conservatives who are repelled by the Bush cabal but are still loyal to the Republicans. To do that, the Democrats will present themselves as the good, sensible, highly patriotic, serious party of the middle class, resolute about terrorism, strong for peace, reliable for war, and passionately loyal to the working class and the disadvantaged because—this may be their subtlest claim!—they are the true compassionate conservatives. These tactics do not fill me with joy, but given the brunt of my argument, I confess that I am obliged to go along. The Republicans, in turn, will do all they can to make the street protesters look like the disruptive, concealed, and explosive heart of the Democratic Party. You know, I can’t remember an election when the stakes were so high. There has been, after all, such mendacity about the entrance into Iraq. It sits like an incubus over the first week of November.

JBM Doesn’t Vietnam relate to this? In Iraq, aren’t we in the same kind of quagmire?

NM Bad as Iraq has been up to now, Vietnam was worse. We were there in force for ten years. Fifty thousand of our soldiers were killed and 2 million Asians. What is immediately comparable to Iraq is that the logic for being in Vietnam proved false. The domino theory did not play out. Southeast Asia may have been a mess afterward, but only Vietnam turned communist, and it was well on the way before we came in. The major difference is that in Iraq we have exacerbated the two major branches of a religion that has had power over its followers for more than thirteen centuries. Communism had only been in existence for fifty years. Its historic roots were not nearly so profound. It is not the size of the casualties in Iraq so far that weighs on us so much as the prospect of a century of unending terrorist acts that we do not know how to terminate by military force. Whether this fear will work to Kerry’s benefit, I can’t say. The question is how clear will it become in the awareness of Middle America that Kerry was a combat hero and Bush was in a National Guard flight suit. It will be interesting to see how the Republicans will look to tarnish Kerry’s war record. Not all the Republicans, however. I think a minority of conservatives are ready to go for Kerry.

JBM You really do?

NM I’ve been saying for a couple of years that Bush is not a conservative. He’s what I call a flag conservative, a Flag-Con. He’s not as interested in conservative values as in empire-building. The classic conservative, someone like Pat Buchanan or, to a more complicated degree, Bill Buckley, does believe that certain values in society must be maintained. The classic conservative believes in stability. You make changes grudgingly and with a great deal of prudence. Don’t move too quickly, is the rule of thumb, because society, as they see it, is essentially a set of compromises and imbalances that can be kept going only by wisdom and, to use the word again, prudence. So you don’t go off in wild, brand-new directions. None of this characterizes Bush. As a Flag-Con, he is surrounded by the tycoons of the oil industry, plus neoconservatives, plus gung-ho militarists who believe that since we’ve created the greatest fighting machine in the history of the world, it’s a real shame not to use it. These three different groups came together on a notion that I would call “exceptionalism.” The more ideological among them believe that when the Cold War ended, it was America’s duty to take over the world. They believe God wanted America to run the world. All too many Americans do believe that. Just look at the patriotic fever every time there’s an occasion for people to show their flags. Very few fascist nations ever failed to put a huge emphasis on getting people to wave flags. This is not the same as calling America fascistic—we are not next door to fascism yet—but even as certain people fall into a pre-cancerous condition, I would say America could be approaching a pre-fascistic condition. And the basic notion behind such an impetus, what the Flag-Cons fear, is that America is going to lose its preeminence in the world unless drastic steps are initiated. As, for example, taking over the oil of the Middle East, as well as enlarging our reputation as a superpower to such a degree that China, India, Japan, and Europe will not be ready to stand up against us in any important way. These flag conservatives would argue, I expect, in their private colloquies, that if they don’t embark on such steps, America’s control of world economics could be lost forever. There are many indications that the Chinese and the Japanese are much more suited to live in a technological world than we are. Our long prosperity has one irony built into it. We have become a pleasure-loving nation. Fifty years ago, Americans were more hardworking. They still believed it was good in and of itself to work for most of your life. That’s no longer so true. In science, our college youth are weak when it comes to studying the so-called stem subjects—science, technology, engineering, and mathematics. Living with technology is, after all, not always so agreeable. If one’s going to sum it up in four words: More power, less pleasure. And Americans are pleasure-loving. The majority of Chinese have not had that opportunity. Perhaps they can put up with monotony, boredom, and cruel, repetitive working environments far better than we can. I think the exceptionalists feel the need for America to become a Roman power in contrast to other nations, who will serve as our hardworking Greeks. Let China be our Greeks, and Japan, England, even—while we’re about it! After all, the Romans used the intelligence of the Greeks to carry out tasks that Romans no longer had the desire to fulfill.

JBM But I don’t think it’s possible anymore to take over the world with military force.

NM Can it be that Iraq is telling us as much?

JBM Let’s go back to why the Republicans selected New York for the convention. Do you think they still have hopes of cashing in on the memory of 9/11?

NM A couple of years ago, New York may have seemed like the perfect place to go; the event had been so traumatic. And there is a large political profit in offering emotional closure to a national nightmare like the fall of the Twin Towers. Nine-eleven felled the two most opalescent pillars of the American economy. It also attacked the implicit assumption that if you worked for the corporation, you were part of a new upper class. To offer an analogy, let us suppose that in the seventeenth century, Versailles had been razed and sacked overnight by latter-day Huns. France would have been emotionally gutted. So it was with us. After all, those Twin Towers spoke of America’s phallic hegemony in the world even as Versailles declared the divine right of kings. Many an American male felt gelded by the event. Equally, the average American housewife was desolated by the terrifying possibility that one could work for years to build a family and lose it all in an hour. How could the Republicans not choose New York as the place to hold their convention? Given the heroic deaths of the New York firemen and police, the site will also appeal to working-class votes. The Republicans will certainly not fail to make the connection that the protesters are besmirching the memory of 9/11. But a couple of years have gone by, and we’ve also learned that there are a few things wrong about the picture we’ve had of 9/11. A new set of conspiracy theories are building. There are just too many facts that are not readily explicable. There may well be room after the convention for the protest movement to look into 9/11 with some critical incisiveness. I am no longer a conspiratorialist—I spent too many years wandering around in the byways of the Warren Report. But there are elements here which are not easy to explain. I don’t believe for a moment there was direct complicity. In America, we don’t go in as yet for major political coups—there’s too much to lose for the powers that be, and we are still a democratic society. But there may have been a sentiment in the administration—let them scream and squeal over this one—that maybe the worst thing in the world might not be that we suffer a disaster. Pearl Harbor, after all, galvanized America. Without Pearl Harbor, we might never have been able to go to war in the company of the Russians. Indeed, Roosevelt was accused of knowing about Pearl Harbor in advance and welcoming it. Well, I wouldn’t go that far. I don’t think the administration knew that the World Trade Center was going to be attacked. Still, some odd things did happen that day. Immensely odd. There was more than unbelievable inefficiency. I don’t know that the 9/11 Commission did all they could with that. They were determined, after all, to bring in a unanimous report. That always means that the radical ends are cut off. It’s like playing poker without the aces, kings, and queens, the twos, threes, and the fours.

JBM What happens if there’s a terrorist attack between now and the election?

NM I don’t know whether it’ll benefit Kerry or Bush. That’s hard to decide. Bush has been saying to America: “I’ve made America more secure. I’ve made America safer.” He could be hurt badly by a large attack. On the other hand, there is a knee-jerk reflex in Americans to rally behind the president when there’s a catastrophe. So, I can’t pretend to know the answer.

JBM Starting with the WTO protest in Seattle in ’99, a culture has formed around the anti-corporate, anti-globalization, anti-Bush movement. Where do you think it’s going? Where should it go?

NM A good many people of the right, not flag conservatives but true conservatives, can feel in accord with men and women on the left concerning one deep feeling. It is that the corporations are stifling our lives. Not only economically, where corporations can claim, arguably, that they bring prosperity (and frankly, I’m certainly not schooled enough in economics to argue that point pro or con), but I can say the corporation is bad for us aesthetically speaking, culturally speaking, spiritually speaking. Just contemplate their massive empty architecture, their massive emphasis on TV commercials, which are a seedbed for interrupting one’s conversation, and their massive complacency about their virtues. They tend to flatten everything. They are the Big Empty. One of the strengths of Michael Moore’s movie, if I can go back to it for a moment, is that you could see all the faces of the present administration, those empty faces, those handmaidens and bodyguards of the Big Empty. And then Moore contrasted them with all the faces of American soldiers over there: innocent, strong, idealistic, or ugly, but real faces, real people. Plus all those suffering Iraqis. Obviously, people in such torment are always dramatic and eloquent on film. Still, most of those Iraqis had different kinds of faces. That shade of alienation from natural existence had not yet gotten into their skin. They might be hard to live with, but they were alive. Whereas the people running this country are all—with the notable exception of one guy I’ll get into in a moment—kind of awful. They don’t look as human as thee and me. That’s a large remark, but I support it. The one exception, oddly enough, and by this I’ll probably antagonize a good many people, is Donald Rumsfeld. Of that whole gang, he’s the only one who seems real to me. In other words, I might not agree with him on anything, but he does believe in what he says. It isn’t as if he searches for the most useful response he can come up with at the moment to wield or save his power. He’s interested in his ideas first. The power is subservient to the ideas.

JBM What makes you say that?

NM Because he’s real. He reacts. He doesn’t weigh his words. If something makes him angry, he’s angry. If something pleases him, he smiles. If he has doubts about how the situation is going, he expresses those doubts. In that sense, he’s the only one of that coven I’d call an honorable man. Let me emphasize: I can disagree totally with people I consider honorable. But never have I seen an administration that has had, by that measure, so few honorable men.

JBM Back to Seattle. Where is the protest movement going? Because it is not going to stop after the convention.

NM It certainly won’t. After all, how much can we hope for from this election? If Kerry gets in, he can repair some of the boundless damage Bush wreaked on foreign opinion. But Kerry will still be essentially pro-corporation. No major American politician can afford not to be. In fact, if you outlawed the corporations tomorrow, America would have food famines, a frightening loss of jobs, name it. They are installed for decades to come, and we can’t look for quick results. The war against the corporation is profound, as it should be. They are deadening human existence. That, I think, is the buried core of the outrage people feel most generally. There is, after all, a profound difference between corporations and capitalism itself, at least so long as capitalism remains small business. The small businessman is always taking his chances. He leads an existential life. He’s gambling that his wit, his energy, and his ideas of what will work in the marketplace will be successful. He can be a sonofabitch, but at least he’s out there in the middle of life.

JBM He’s creating something as well.

NM He could be creating something that’s awful. But at least he’s taking chances. Whereas the corporation is the reverse. The corporation turns capitalism inside out. The majority of them no longer give their first concern to the quality of their product. Since they have the funds to advertise on a large scale, that diminishes their need for a good product. Marketing can take over by way of language and image. Over the years this has produced a general deterioration of the real value of products for the same real money.

JBM Well, I agree we’re fighting a spiritual war against the corporation. And what we’re missing right now is the ability to say, “We can provide for you, we can make sure you have jobs and food.” What they’re offering is stability. What we’re offering is a deeper quality of life.

NM To win this war will take at least 50 years and a profound revolution in American values. We’d have to get away from manipulation. What we’ve got now is a species of economic, political, and spiritual brainwashing, vastly superior to the old Soviets, who were endlessly crude in their attempts. Our governmental and corporate leaders are much more subtle. Remember years ago, when you were around 15, you were wearing a shirt that said stüssy on it? And I said, “Not only do you spend money to buy the shirt, but you also advertise the company that sold it to you.” And you said, “Dad, you just don’t get it.” All right, you were right, I didn’t get it. But now, I notice, you don’t wear logos on your shirts.

JBM I try my best not to. It’s hard to find a shirt that doesn’t have a logo these days.

NM There’s one more point I’d like to make. I don’t sneer at people who enter protest movements. At the least, it can be good or even necessary for their personal development. But I would like these kids to disabuse themselves of the idea that they are going to have some immediate, exciting political effect. If they have any, it could be negative. And if Bush wins, we’re a most divided nation. Kerry can put it together better than Bush. Bush can’t solve any of our problems. He never was able to. That may be the main reason he looked to empire-building. He had nothing to offer but world conquest. So, if he’s reelected, what will he do if things remain bad in Iraq? You’ll look back on the Patriot Act as being liberal and gentle.

JBM I will never look back on the Patriot Act as being liberal and gentle. While the protests will not have a direct, political gain—

NM You agree with me on that?

JBM Yes, I feel confident in saying that given the parameters of how we will be allowed to protest, I don’t see any way it could have a direct political gain. However, I do feel that when you’re out there, and see all the different types of people who have come together—particularly now with the mixture of groups that will be there—you do get a sense that the spiritual revolution may be awakening. And that’s the only hope, I believe, against the total corporatization of America.

NM All right, but if we lose the election, it’s going to be a very expensive spiritual education. I would be much happier if the protest movements could spread their activities over the next four years. I don’t have a great deal of hope that most of the people involved are really thinking of this election so much as expressing the need to vent, to gain some self-therapy, and to express their outrage at what’s been done to them, plus their need to gain power in the counterculture. There’s all sorts of motives, some noble, some meretricious. But it’s a poor time to exercise our most dramatic democratic privileges. What we do have over all the years to come is the confidence that we breathe a cleaner spiritual air than the greedbags who run our country, and so it is not impossible that over decades to come, much that we believe in will yet come to be. But I do not wish to end on so sweet and positive a note. It is better to remind ourselves that wisdom is ready to reach us from the most unexpected quarters. Here, I quote from a man who became wise a little too late in life:

“Naturally, the common people don’t want war, but after all, it is the leaders of a country who determine the policy, and it is always a simple matter to drag the people along, whether it is a democracy, or a fascist dictatorship, or a parliament, or a communist dictatorship. Voice or no voice, the people can always be brought to the bidding of the leaders. This is easy. All you have to do is tell them they are being attacked, and denounce the pacifists for lack of patriotism and exposing the country to danger. It works the same in every country.”

That was Hermann Goering speaking at the Nuremberg trials after World War II. It is one thing to be forewarned. Will we ever be forearmed?

Norman Mailer is the author of, among other books, The Armies of the Night, about the 1967 march on the Pentagon. While executive editor of High Times magazine, John Buffalo Mailer worked on an issue about protesting the Republican National Convention in New York.

Another Nail in the Coffin

"Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we."

George W. Bush
August 5, 2004
(from Remarks by the President at the Signing of H.R. 4613, The Defense Appropirations Act For Fiscal Year 2005)

Double Standards

All You Virgins Out There, Thanks For Nothing

Honestly, if the windows are tinted, I don't see what the big deal is. I think the handling of and punishment for performing a "sex act" inside a private vehicle is far too harsh.

The only thing these people really have to be ashamed of is the fact that they are clergy. Hopefully, God has more of a sense of humor than some of his earthly children.

BLANTYRE, Malawi (Reuters) - A Malawian court convicted a Catholic priest and a nun of disorderly conduct Thursday after they were caught engaged in a sexual act in a parked car with tinted windows. The Malawian priest, 43, and the 26-year-old nun from neighboring Zambia spent the night in police cells after being caught in the act Wednesday, police said.

A court in the capital Lilongwe handed down suspended jail sentences of six months with hard labor after the pair pleaded guilty to charges of idleness and disorderly conduct.

"These people were caught in a sex act," Assistant Superintendent Kelvin Maigwa told Reuters...

A sex act??? You don't say! Well the officer should have just shot them on the spot then!

This City

It appears they have increased security in my building this morning, checking everyone's bags, including employees.

Citicorp's perimeter seems to be escalating in frenetic energy, rather than declining. There are police preventing traffic from going up the streets that run alongside the skyscraper, and even more of a bustle outside than yesterday. More news vans; powdered, groomed and qoifed reporters standing amid cameramen and handlers; curious onlookers; police; military men with machine guns.

While getting coffee I chatted with one of the IP associates and another assistant who were in there relaxing with their freshly brewed Starbucks. (They're taking over the world, you know? We now have a machine in our breakroom that dispenses freshly ground and brewed cups of Starbucks on demand at no cost to the employee...not bad, but I've become a serious addict and I have to admit that I am mildly ashamed of myself.) Anyway, we were talking about the security and whether or not it makes a difference and IP guy said "oh give me a break. Do you really think that a terrorist who is ready to die and driving a truck full of explosives is going to stop for the police officers directing traffic? If I was a terrorist I'd blaze right through, running over the officers in my path and continue on my mission." Nice imagery. It really gave me that warm, safe feeling.

Commute this morning was nothing unusual. I don't know if you've ever heard about the epidemics that travel on NYC subways. The stupidity epidemic? What about the merciless-vocal-pitch epidemic? The selfish-inconsiderate-bastard epidemic? Or the personal-hygiene epidemic? Or the catastrophic-fashion-sense epidemic? Sometimes they all get mixed together into one strain to create the alarmingly-offensive-in-every-imaginable-way epidemic. The rate of infection is very high and it seems to be getting worse. I wouldn't want anyone to think I'm a hater for pointing out the incredibly annoying and sometimes even revolting characteristics of some of my fellow passengers. But those of you who live in NY or have ridden the subways here on a regular basis before know exactly what I'm talking about. I have seen some things on the subway that I wish I could give back. Just a few in the personal hygiene category: A person clipping his fingernails, the shards of human waste flying off in indiscernible directions. A man with his pantlegs pushed up, vigorously scratching. A man and woman sitting side by side eating sunflower seeds and spitting the shells out onto the floor in front of them, creating a mess of litter. A man flossing his teeth on the subway. (I almost barfed that time. No joke.)

Then there is the stupidity epidemic. The most common, and usually affects a person in conjunction with merciless-vocal-pitch epidemic. This is a person or persons who force you to endure their conversations which are being held at an agonizing pitch, and in extreme cases, the volume being magnified by a total lack of intelligence. This can ruin any chance you might have for a peaceful commute, but it is slightly less offensive than the other epidemics, as some people don't seem to know any better.

The selfish-inconsiderate-bastard epidemic is really my least favorite. It normally affects males, but has been known to creep into the female population as well. It reaches far beyond the subways of NYC to streets and highways across the land. But it is no fun running into one of these in the subway because you are trapped with them. This is a person who pushes or shoves people out of the way to get on/off the train or take a seat first. A person who will not get out of their seat for the pregnant or elderly. And finally, a person who will sit with their legs so wide apart that you have to press yours tight together or cross them in order to avoid rubbing knees with the rude fuck next to you.

Catastrophic-fashion-sense epidemic was touched on in yesterday's post. But that was just the tip of the iceberg. This is a real problem. Another one that reaches far beyond the deep dark tracks of the five boroughs. I don't even need to elaborate. Anything you can possibly imagine, I've probably seen it or been told by a friend who has seen it and had it indelibly burned into my memory. Man in ladies underwear, garterbelt, stockings, heels and delicate shawl in 20 degree whether on subway platform, strutting catwalk style. Man in purple and green striped suit, hat, wing tips. Girl in knee length skirt, cardigan, 80s legwarmers, pumps. Man with clip-on mullet (seriously), vasectomy jeans, iron maiden t-shirt, high tops (not Halloween). Girl, approx. 250 lbs., tight white mini skirt and matching tube top, visible thong, high heels, pushing stroller. Man in saggy old Levis, converse, straggly hair, red women's knit midriff-baring top, looking quite chipper. Those are just the ones I can think of right now off the top of my head.

I saw a bad case this morning of alarmingly-offensive-in-every-imaginable-way. I'll spare you most of the details, except to say that he exhibited a visible lack of hygiene, extreme stupidity, selfishness, lack of consideration and bad fashion sense. He conducted a loud, obnoxious conversation about various subjects ranging from the opening of the Statue of Liberty to the admirable competence of George W. The last thing I heard before getting off at my stop was him proclaiming at the top of his lungs "That's why god created war, so that women could figure out that men are good for something..." (Don't ask me. I didn't say he was making sense.)

Politics and Fashion

I saw a woman on the train on my way home today. She was wearing two buttons. One said "Bush/Cheney '04" and the other said "Vote Republican." Fuuuuuck THAT! Before I got off the train I was feeling ornery after having stared at her buttons for a little while and so I did what any self respecting moonbat would do and looked her in the face and said "George Bush is a Murderer." She sneered and made a sound like a deflating balloon as I exited the train.

I know it's fairly obnoxious, but I couldn't help it. The real kicker was her deplorable fashion sense. Hideous. I'm not talking cheap either, because fashion sense has nothing to do with how much money you have. I have shopped at the Salvation Army salvage and still looked better than her. I can't describe how awful her handbag was. The ugliest, brownest, tackiest thing I've ever seen with a chain handle. Her crooked, beige canvas (yes, I said canvas), pleated skirt was enough to make any girl (except her, apparently), cringe and the yucky mule shoes that were trying to be the same color as the skirt and the purse were another story altogether .

The point of this catty account and what you should always remember is, Bush support and bad fashion sense go hand in hand. My liberal grandmother dressed cuter than her. Much cuter.

Oh boy, I know I'm going to get a lot of shit for this one. Go on then.

The Haps

Nothing like coming to work on a sunny Monday morning, sitting down at your desk with a cup of coffee and looking out the window at one of the alleged top five terror targets in the United States (Citigroup headquarters), which sits directly across the street. Walking from the train was slightly unnerving, as Citicorp is surrounded by news vans, reporters, police officers and civilians. But what can you do?

If someone wants to get on my train with a backpack containing whatever they want, they can. If someone wants to walk into the Citicorp building, they can. We drove over the Verrazano last night and I didn't see so much as an extra police officer. Got on my train this morning and saw nothing unusual. No security at all. No one checked my bag or even scrutinized me as I passed. When I got into my building I flashed my ID as I always do. Nothing unusual going on. No heightened security, at least with respect to the people who work in this building, regardless of the media & security bustle directly across the street. I don't know what measures they're taking with visitors. And really, what is the difference? If someone wants to blow something up in this city, they will. Ain't nothin we can do about it muthafuckas, might as well have a seat and eat some muthafuckin candy.
…

We got to Maryland late Friday night, visited a creepy diner in Bethesda - the only thing open - before hitting our fresh hotel beds. Went and saw the Pentagon in Arlington on Saturday morning and then to work for a few hours. After work we were anxious to go swimming in the big indoor/outdoor pool and even spent a little while in the jacuzzi. After a quick rest, we were out on the town. That's when we drove to D.C. and took in the sights. It was everything I'd imagined and much more.

So it was my first visit to Washington, D.C. I felt like a little kid, staring out the window, pointing at things and saying "wow" over and over again. We saw the White House and Cheney's crib (or more specifically, the massive, seemingly endless gate that surrounds his property, the size of which borders on vulgarity). We passed by many incredible landmarks, embassies...the Indian embassy was stunning. I got excited as we passed the United States Court of Appeals and the federal Bar Association. (Evidence that I've been in the legal field for too long). And we saw so many Starbucks that we lost count...people must really need their caffeine in that town.

I was amazed by all the beautiful architecture and historical monuments and the lights and shops and all the-all the-all the pretty things. I was also struck that we were driving through areas that simply wreaked of wealth and privilege, but only a moment later we saw at least five homeless men sleeping on one block. That's not to say that we don't have many, many homeless people here in NY, because god knows we do, but it seems rare to be driving down the street in midtown Manhattan and see five or six homeless men sleeping on benches and in corners all on the same block. Maybe it's easier to hide or "disappear" in NY. A few moments later we were in a ghetto, which, though comparable to the ghettos here in NY, seemed a little bit less bleak - I'm sure there are those who would dispute that. It was only a first impression on a Saturday night. I don't know what it's really like. All in all, I imagine the homeless count and prevalence of poverty is probably similar in both places.

After driving a little while more, our jaws dropped to the floor at the site of some of the largest mansions imagineable. I grew up for many years in California, and I have seen mansions in Beverly Hills, Bel Air, the Palisades, Malibu and beyond, but it's been awhile since I've seen any houses that looked like those. Huge, gorgeous houses, one after another, sprawling lawns, high walls and fancy gates and entrance ways. As Tanya so appropriately put it at the time, "holy shit. That's whoa." Living in Brooklyn, you just don't see that kind of thing very often. I was happy to see a few "Re-Defeat Bush" signs on the front lawns of some of those sprawling abodes. That put a smile on my face.

I ordered breakfast in bed to arrive on Sunday morning. It was the perfect way to end our stay. I love room service. It's such a treat. Mostly because of the way they bring it to you on the big tray with all the fun condiments and little salt & pepper shakers and anything else you could possibly need, and then you get to sit on your crisp hotel sheets and eat like a prince and princess while watching tv. This is obviously a continuing manifestation of my childhood glamorization of the very idea of room service. It's one of those things. When you travel as a child with your parents you always ask, can you please order room service. They say "no honey, it's too expensive. We're going to find a place around town." You don't bother to argue or beg because it's not your style, so you just go along and enjoy whatever you get. It was never a very big deal, but you store away that desire inside. And then when you become an adult, you are compelled to waste money on things that you dreamed of having as a child but could never afford or find a way to fenagle. Honestly though, I never do order room service when I stay in hotels. Kat's mom ordered us a huge breakfast spread last time we were in Vegas, but I generally don't bother, most specifically because I fear the food will be awful and I will be disappointed to have spent so much dough. Luckily, the food at our hotel in Bethesda was exceptional and the coffee was heavenly. It was worth every red cent and we were both happy as could be.

On the way home we stopped in Philly for dinner. That was the end of our trip. A couple of drinks and some good food on the waterfront in Philadelphia before heading back to Brooklyn. As we drove over the Verrazano I felt a little relieved. No matter how much fun you have when you're away, it's always a good feeling to come home. We drove Rob and Tanya to Bushwick and as we looked out the windows from the BQE at the Manhattan skyline, we all let out a little bit of a sigh. After awhile I said, "there's no place like NY." And everyone heartily agreed.