Today was the last day of my sophomore year of college!
There have been some really hard parts about the last two years. However, school has been the easy part. Death, of course, performed his starring role four times over. I hate to think of these losses as things that have happened to ME, but I do. Those were my beloved friends and family and though I know many others lost them too and that they - Howard, Ivette, my brother Joshua, Roger - they lost the flesh and bones of their selves, yet all I can wrap my mind and my heart around is my own sense of grief at missing them. I lost them all and they weren't all I lost. I lost the others too. I lost my grandma Eloise. I lost Tyler. I lost others still. Yes, other people lost them too. But how could I know how they feel, how they've felt? How could I know anything other than what I feel and what I have felt my whole life since that first loss at four?
Losing them has made everything I've gained that much more meaningful. What would I stand for if I didn't stand for the memory of all of those I've lost? Who would I be? Who am I if not a person who has been hammered with the reality of death and is trying to swallow every droplet of life for the knowledge of its minute passing?
Posted by Maria at May 14, 2008 01:50 AM | TrackBackEven the best writers when confronted with overwhelming feelings often cannot translate them into words. I tend to think that is because no words can do those feelings justice.
I am very sorry for these losses but I am glad you can find the beauty in the legacy they left. As you said it so well, their bodies are gone but the spirit of their lives will live on through those of whom they touched.
I am very glad to see you are back again, albeit one post a year, but it is about quality, not quantity. :-)
Posted by: sb at May 15, 2008 09:39 AMThank you so much for reading, and for your thoughtful comment. It means so much to me. :)
Posted by: Maria at May 18, 2008 02:51 AM