By Beauty Damned

We Heart You, MN

It's my last week of school! Tomorrow I will have officially finished my freshman year of college. That's still taking its time sinking in. A year ago I was still worrying that I wouldn't enjoy it or I might just be wasting money or that there would be no way to balance working in an office. It feels like a hundred years ago now. I would not trade the experiences of the past year for anything short of getting my brother back. (For that, I would obviously trade every limb I've got.)

The thing I love the most about life, and being able to look back at its progress, is that tingly feeling I get while realizing that I never would have believed where I could end up as a result of all of my focused self discovery and a kind of zealous pursuit of satisfaction. It gives me this sure feeling that if I have come this far by following my instincts, I have to have faith that my future is good. I wish that this academic exuberance did not have to be marred by all of the tragedy and heartbreak of the past year (+). It makes it hard to be happy without guilt or simply being reminded of the weight of loss. Amazing how an absence can seem heavier than a fulfillment. It defies logic, but so does everything about the experience of death.

I spent four days in Minneapolis last week while my sister underwent an intense cardiovascular surgery. I was not feeling light as a feather then. I was feeling apprehensive. But I got to spend a lot of time with my sister and my papa, even if so much of it was in a hospital room. It was a very nice hospital, as far as those things go. And the nurses were some of the most compassionate, patient people I've ever encountered. Limitlessly patient. I highly recommend Minneapolis University Medical Center for matters of the Heart. I cannot imagine what it could have been like without the kind of expertise that they have on hand there. Plus, the food was not bad at all and my sister's room was light and warm, despite all the awful tubes and machines and persistent beeping noises. Despite the fact that we had to be there at all given the circumstances.

I liked that town though. My dad and I walked daily back and forth from the hotel to the hospital, and I got such a good feeling in Minneapolis. I couldn't put my finger on what it was. I didn't want to move there or anything, but I could understand how it would be a nice place to live. There were plenty of decent places to eat and get a good beer or an unrestrained cocktail. I hated it a lot less than I hate most places I've visited in the Midwest. (Sorry, but it's just true!)

So...good on ya' Minnesota! (Or whatever it is you folks say.) Thanks for taking care of the Carreons. My sister is going to be much better now.