By Beauty Damned

Going Off

I rarely write about celebrity news, but I do read trashy magazines on a weekly basis and get my full share of news about people who I don't know and have no business reading intimate details about.

The Brad, Angelina, Aniston drama has captured my attention over the past year, ever since steamy photographs from the filming of Mr. & Mrs. Smith became public. I've kept my thoughts on the matter to myself, because after all, who really cares what I think?

There is only one thing about the entire hoopla that really, genuinely bothers me: The accusations towards Jennifer Aniston that she was selfish for not having Brad's babies post-haste and that her marriage may have survived if she had done what women are "supposed" to do, which is to give birth to a baby as soon as the man in your life snaps his fingers, OR face him leaving you for another woman.

I read this letter in People magazine this morning and it nearly blew the top right off of my cranium. If it had been the first of its kind, I would refrain from responding, but I have read several such letters to editors since Brad and Jennifer split, and I've finally had just about enough:

"I wonder why Jennifer isn't taking accountability for her part in the breakup. Had she started a family, Brad might not be in the arms of another woman. - Janis Gardner, Sun Valley, Idaho."

Dear Janis Gardner (and everyone else who shares her appalling opinion),

First of all, I want to know who gave you x-ray vision into the deeper problems that drove Jennifer Aniston and Brad Pitt to divorce. I want to know who you think you are to assess and judge the romantic relationships of people that you don't know beyond having seen their picture in a magazine with a blurb written by another fool who doesn't know them. I want to know where you get off telling a complete and utter stranger where they went wrong in their relationship. I want to know why you feel the need to lash out at a woman that you do not know via a small minded letter to a magazine about an issue that is as personal as what you do while you're in the bathroom.

Second of all, I would like to ask what millenium you think this is, where women are to be admonished by strangers, for choosing to have a career and to postpone childbirth until they are ready. Since when is a woman required to give birth the moment her man is ready? Have you forgotten that it is the woman who has to carry the child in her belly? Have you forgotten that it is the woman who must give birth to that child? Have you forgotten that the average father doesn't do half the caretaking of a child that the average mother does? Why should a woman be required to choose to either have a child or lose her husband to another woman? And why would you, in all your ignorance, assume that this was the reason for their breakup in the first place?

Janis, do you give your husband mind-blowing oral sex at least once a week? Probably not. I wonder who you'll have to blame when your man ends up in the arms of another woman.

My point is, who am I to make the assumption that you don't like to give head? (Though you might find it's a good way to let off some of the steam that you're unleashing on women who choose not to have children) And further, who am I to make the assumption that your man would leave you for someone who does? These are not the kinds of things that strangers are entitled to judge, and your nerve in making assumptions and accusations about Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston is astounding.

I suggest throwing back a big stiff cocktail, taking a long, hard look in the mirror and asking: "How do I live with myself?"

-Maria Carreon, Brooklyn, New York

So I have two issues here, obviously.

The first being that I have beef with those who judge the love lives of strangers and go so far as to fart out their opinion in a letter to a large publication.

The second being that IT IS THE YEAR 2005, NOT the year 1905. It is not a crime for a woman to choose to postpone having children or even to choose - GASP!!! - not to have them at all. It does not make you less of a woman.

Brad Pitt married Jennifer Aniston knowing the woman that she is. I assume they probably discussed children, etc. before marrying. He knew where she stood on those issues. (I don't, and Janis Gardner of Sun Valley Idaho certainly doesn't, but that's because it's not our fucking business.) Whether or not those issues played a role in their breakup is not our business to assess either, nor do I imagine that the public has anything resembling a true picture of what the real cause of their divorce is or was.

But it is my business to defend myself and other woman everywhere who would like to postpone having children until we have achieved our own goals, from assholes like Janis Gardner who think they have the right to play both judge and jury in the personal affairs of strangers, who think it is the man's right and the man's right alone to decide when to start a family, and further, that if the woman doesn't acquiesce immediately, then she is at fault when he lands in the arms of the nearest succubus. Where do people like Janis get off accusing another woman of being a bad wife?

I call bullshit on Janis. And I have a newsflash for her. I know it's going to come as a total shock, but here goes: It is actually possible to have a full, satisfying, fantastic life, without children!!! Who knew?

Posted by Maria at August 29, 2005 12:27 PM | TrackBack