By Beauty Damned

Junk

You know what it is? I'm overwhelmed. I have a hundred thousand thoughts running through my head every time I sit down to write. Everything I've done for the past six months, everything I've read, everything I've reminded myself to blog about, but haven't, all stored up, waiting to be poured out. It's an insane feeling of not knowing what to do or say first.

I could tell you about....

The weird prank call I got where someone told me they'd found my cat, and when I told them that I actually found her already and it must be someone else's cat, they said "I'm eating your cat right now"... Yes. Eating. When I hung up the person called back and left a message letting me know that they were going to find out where I live and kill my cat and dig her heart out with a spoon. PSYCHO! Maybe it was the weird neighbor...how fucked up would that be? I input my phone number into google and was relieved when it didn't come up with my home address, even though I knew the calls were just a retarded prank from some little speedfreak assholes anyway.

I saw Tatum O'Neal all by her lonesome on Park Avenue yesterday. I didn't say hi, just took a note. Then in the Daily News today there was a tidbit about her being party to some rucous that took place on a New York city tour bus on Tuesday night, where O'Neal and friends purportedly refused to sit down on the upper deck, causing the bus driver to become a very angry man. According to the Daily News, the driver was shouting "we're gonna lose our jobs!...We don't have fancy jobs like you people!!!" I imagine he was also shaking his fist to emphasize his severe dismay. D'tk'r'jbs!

And speaking of self absorbed celebrities, there's no shortage of those to dish about. See I just said "dish." That's a surefire sign that celebrities will be involved in the topic of conversation. Where to begin? Jude Law, you're a fucking moron. Same goes for Tom Cruise. Obviously, two far different breeds of moron. Jude is of the incorrigable and deadly trouser-snake variety. Cruise is of the ignoramous-scientologis type which is more annoying, but less harmful than the trouser-snake. Sienna, don't look back sweetheart. Katie, stop eating your crazyflakes and run fast my child. Run fast and far.

Speaking of Tom Cruise, I saw that War of the Worlds fiasco. Boy was that movie a hunk of dung. I read many rave reviews that seemed totally willing to overlook all the stupid plot holes, cheeztastic moments and lame ending. That's fine, but I'm going to come out and tell you the truth in case you haven't already wasted your money on this crappy movie: it's terrible. The special effects are not worth the dough, though they were momentarily entertaining while displaying in front of me for a couple of hours. But not entertaining enough for one to endure the entire movie.

I saw Mr. and Mrs. Smith too. That was better. Anything with Angelina Jolie OR Brad Pitt is automatically better than anything with Tom Cruise. It's an incontrovertible fact. But I did actually think it was a pretty entertaining movie, as far as action flicks go, though they never are my favorite.

I went ahead and watched a couple of episodes each of "Being Bobby Brown" and "The Surreal Life," both of which are completely insane. Turns out, Bobby Brown is an immature lout and Whitney Houston seems pretty unenthusiastic about her fate in the episodes I saw. Maybe she just wasn't used to the cameras yet, but she seemed under the weather quite a bit. And their daughter Bobby Kristina looks pretty damn somber herself. I don't know what they're doing, but it wasn't enough to make me want to keep watching. Or maybe it was... who knows when I'll stumble upon it again, but as far as I can see, it's just another huge waste of time.

It also turns out that Janice Dickinson, (who feels perpetually compelled to proclaim that she was the World's First Supermodel) is one more to throw up on our menagerie of crazy celebrities. Anyone who can make Omarosa Manigault Stallwit - or whatever her crazyass name is - look sane and normal, has got to be a true crackpot. And Janice is. One minute she's flashing her ass at her housemates (not that there's anything wrong with that), and calling mentally handicapped people at the bowling alley "Retards," (I'm outraged!!! a little. Some were kind of mean little bastards though.) but the next she's crying about how she can't perform in a non-nude burlesque show because if she exposes so much as a shoulder or a leg, she will "be splashed on the cover of every newspaper tomorrow morning, all over the world, in every language because [SHE] is an international SUPERSTAR." Period. Which is why she is on the Surreal Life. Duh. Ego or Insecurity? Who can tell?

Lately I have enjoyed watching reruns of Oz, Curb Your Enthusiasm, Sex and the City, and whatever good movies are on. I also recently read that book "A Million Little Pieces" by James Frey, which I thought was amazing and you should read.

This is what it's come to. Summer is for indulgence, no?

Posted by Maria at July 28, 2005 07:45 PM | TrackBack