By Beauty Damned

It's ALIVE!!!

Damn. My blog looks like it had a coronary. I guess I should try to breathe some life into this bitch. ;o)

Actually, I don't know if it's much of a time for those types of jokes...

Rob and I just returned from our visit to Ashland, Oregon for the 4th of July, etc. It's always a mixed bag when I have visited home over the past couple of years. Family difficulties. My latest motto has been "if there's no drama, it ain't family." My family has had drama-a-plenty over the past two years. Actually, come to think of it, we've always had drama, it's just never been so internal as it is now. I hate to blab about overly personal issues online, but it's hard when that's all you can think about. My brother is very physically ill and has been fighting health problems in and out of the hospital for a long time now. Meanwhile my sister has morphed into rebellion-central at the ripe age of 23. I seem to be the only one who is solidly standing on my own two feet. I wish that weren't true. My siblings are such great people - super talented and amazingly smart. Both of them. And even though we were raised in the same household by the same excellent parents, our life experiences are all so individualized. What's ironic is that I am the middle child. I am such a worrier. Of course, I know in my heart that my sister will be fine, though I feel some indignation towards her at the moment. Always tempered with love of course. I just wish I felt so confident about my brother. I don't want him to have to live his life this way. In a hospital bed. In pain. My heart aches for him. My brother is one of the most important people in this universe to me. He is my friend and my hero. I just wish he could conquer this ruthless malady.

Aside from these familial sagas and the yanking of heartstrings, we had a great time in Oregon. We gave it our all. Life goes on right? We went swimming a lot and ate at our favorite restaurants and enjoyed more than a couple of cocktails. Rob and I camped out in a huge tent in the backyard of my parents' house for the duration of our trip. The weather was so amazing and the tent was like a castle (huge!). We snuggled close under the stars at night and woke up sprawled under the sun every the morning.

Darcie and Tom stayed there with us the first couple of nights. It was fun - like having a slumber party with my best friend...and BOYS. On the 2nd we went to Darcie's 10 year high school reunion. I pretended it was mine too, but it was really my 9 year high school reunion. I was a paying attendee, yet I was still crashing. We had a good time. There was a fun group of old friends. We segregated ourselves much the same way we did in high school. All the "stoners" out in the garden, smokin cigarettes and downing cocktails, looking much like we all did in high school, but a more cleaned up version, while the "jocks" and "hicks" stayed inside for the most part, looking - I think - older and fatter and far more matronly than one might have expected. Perhaps my good friend said it best when he looked at me and blurted "it's weird to see girls that I thought were super hot in high school and realize that if I'd gotten what I wanted, right now I could be married to one of their fat asses." (Not that there's anything wrong with a fat ass. No offense is intended here to my readers with a more ample derriere.) I know, it's so cruel. But it was a high school reunion. It's supposed to be catty, right? Or is it supposed to be a time of reflection and comradery? I dunno...that kind of goes out the window when you remember how mean kids were in highschool. That's when the pleasure of shit-talking about former classmates comes into play.

Aside from all that, so many old friends were a sight for sore eyes. It was an entertaining affair starring a good cast of characters and we may have left too soon when we decided to hit the bars instead. That was kind of a mistake. The service in the bars downtown Ashland can be a crapshoot. The night of the reunion it seemed that snotty attitudes and neglectful treatment of patrons was in full force. We went home in a cab, bitching about bad bartenders.

My parents threw a party on the 4th. All kinds of fun people showed up, the food was excellent, we lit off some bitchin fireworks, and then we took a ride downtown to see the city fireworks. They were so short that we watched them out the window all the way to the college parking lot and when we got there, the grand finale was already in progress. Cheap bastards. Then we walked to a party about a block away which was being chaperoned by the always amicable Ashland Police Department. We stood in the front yard behind the wooden fence drinking beers while the pigs hung out in the street waiting for any unseemly activity to occur. "Big Brother" did come to mind and tongue. Nothing ever happens in Ashland. I guess that's the problem. Those guys have nothing better to do than wait outside of a house party for an intoxicated individual to wander off the property and do something stupid. That's pretty much the extent of the APD's job description.

Needless to say, we left that party shortly and headed even further downtown for more socializing. We ended up at the Vinyl Club, where everyone was. I don't have the sharpest recollection of what went on, but I know that I felt fine in the morning. In fact, despite the quantity of alcohol that I did consume while on vacation, I feel that I paced myself well and managed to avoid any hangovers that might have caused me to enjoy my trip less.

The only thing that brought me down was the trivial aggravation of America Worst (the shittiest airline EVER), and the devastating sight of my brother going through a heap of misery. Obviously, one was much more painful than the other. I don't wish illness on any family. There are few things more heartbreaking than seeing someone you love existing in a state of suffering. To make things even more interesting, my grandfather Raymond passed away on Thursday. It was awhile in coming, so it wasn't unexpected and he was quite old. My mother seemed more relieved than heartbroken. Not because she didn't love her dad, but because the final year of his life was a tumultuous one. RIP Grandpa Raymond.

So the whole trip was bittersweet. At the same time that it feels great to be home in NY, I miss my family so much already and wish that I could be there to see my brother and my parents through this time. I also wouldn't mind spending the rest of my summer swimming in the Illinois River and camping out in my parents' backyard... But NY calls.

Posted by Maria at July 11, 2005 11:47 PM