By Beauty Damned

Cat Tears

I have sad news. It happened a week ago, but I've been putting off saying anything, just wishing it weren't true. My cat Matilda has disappeared. One night, about a week ago, when I was cooking dinner and the kitchen was super hot, I opened the door to let some air in. Matilda got out. Well usually she gets spooked and comes right back in, but not this time. This time she took off and I haven't seen her since. In fact, I've seen her estranged sister Amelia more frequently than I've seen Matilda. I know people say "they're just cats!" but to me Matilda is more than just a cat. She is my sweetheart. My baby. She sleeps next to me and needs my love and attention and she's been gone for a week now and I am absolutely fucking heartbroken. For awhile I thought she was just out enjoying the nice weather with her naughty runaway sister. I kept telling myself she would be back. But today is chilly and rainy and Amelia came to the back door and I fed her. (She's such a scaredy cat, she just eats and retreats). There was no sign of Matilda anywhere. My heart sunk. Someone must have taken her in. She's such a sweet little housecat. Where could she be?

I'm going to make fliers today. Tomorrow is supposed to be a dry day so I will go and hang them around my neighborhood. I miss my kitty so much. Everytime I come home I feel upset that she's not here waiting for me to feed her and pet her. How could she have left and not come home? Did she get lost? Is she just secretly a wildcat like her sister? I'm sad.

Today I took a walk to the store. I passed the florist on my way and noticed that all the flowers had been taken out of the window to make way for an albino bunny rabbit and three strange looking white birds. I stopped to stare through the windowpane at them. The albino bunny was so cute. Its eyes were absolutely blood red, which is a little disconcerting, but it's such an interesting glitch in nature that you can't help but be captivated. The bunny hopped around in the way that you expect any bunny to hop around, bouncing sideways sporadically as if something in the strawlike floor was going to pounce up at her any second. She looked around with alarm, then settled for a few moments, then bounced it off again. Watching her soft, white, furry little body made me miss my soft, black, furry little kitty Matilda. I wanted to go in and ask if I could play with the rabbit, but its bunnicula eyes were a little intimidating so I decided to move along.

I picked up the items I needed at various shops in my neighborhood; the bodega for smokes and a magazine, the Italian butcher for pancetta to go in a pasta dinner, the supermarket for pine nuts...and walked the short distance back to my house in the wind and drizzle. I wondered all along the way where Matilda could be. I've spoken to all my neighbors close by, no one knows where she is but they promise to keep an eye out for a little black shiny cat with delicate features and prim mannerisms. I tell everyone "she's so nice, she never bites or scratches or hisses or makes a big fuss. If you see her, please pick her up and bring her home to me." As I entered the gate to the house and descended the stairs into my apartment, I prayed as always that she would be sitting there at the bottom of the stairs waiting for me to let her in from the rain. No such luck. I opened the door and felt that same pang of emptiness knowing that she's not here and I don't have any idea where she is.

Matilda, come home! :o(