By Beauty Damned

Chugging Right Along-long

Christ, the lagtime between entries here is pretty shameful. *Head hangs low in semi-defeat*

I haven't written about current events at all! And so much has been happening. The Pope died. That was newsworthy, but I think we all got our fair share of coverage. Think I could have found the time to mention that though. Sorry Pope. We all gotta go sometime. Johnnie Cochran died. That was way newsworthy. He'll go down in the history books. If some crazy crackers don't find a way to keep him out.

The WMD Commission issued a report faulting the CIA for [fabricated] prewar intelligence indicating that Saddam posed an imminent threat to the U.S., while the administration that relied on that bullshit evidence is still left virtually untouched by culpability. Bush embraces report. HAHAHAA! That's surprising. Anything that can deflect even a spitdroplet of blame from him and his sheisty administration... It's so unprofessional to blame the help. I find it funny how every commission that Bush has tried to inhibit "endorsed" seems to produce a final report that is favorable to the objective of laying accusations of failure everywhere except where it belongs: squarely on those who solicited that false evidence, orchestrated this war and have allowed it to become an unspeakable morass...yeah, so I haven't really written about that...or any of the other things that concern me about our downhill departure from democracy and justice. I look forward to a day when it all falls down. Nefarious conservative rule, that is.

I have been reading some trashy tabloid-esque magazines lately when I'm not studying or working or sleeping. I need to be doing two out of four of those things a lot more. I think you can probably guess which ones. For some reason, I like reading magazines like In Touch and Life&Style, even though they are complete crap. I like seeing what people are wearing and who they're dating and what kind of scandals are taking place...I know it's terrible, but it's an escape sometimes to just get engrossed in the affairs of other people. I have a huge guilt complex about reading those magazines. I know there are so much better things to read and I shouldn't even be wasting two minutes of my precious time looking at paparazzi photos and getting familiar with the dirt on celebrities, but all the same, those magazines are designed to lure people in and they work. I love checking out gossip and the latest fashions. I know it's like one of the seven deadly sins or something and I should be reading the most mindbending literature right now to prepare for my test, but that bad shit is still irresistable. I also indulge myself in thinking that I realize how truly empty it all is. I can't help it that there is a side to me that is a little frivolous and materialistic. I love to shop. I love fashion. I love makeup. I also contribute my fair share of cash to the music and entertainment industry for all the cds and dvds I buy and the cable television that I pay dearly for. I've tried throughout my life to balance my tendency towards frivolity with a down to earth attitude and an awareness that there is so much more to life than possessions. But everyone has to have a vice right? Just so happens I have a few of them, though I've managed to eliminate at least a couple of the really harmful ones (got a few to go).

For some reason, as my studying has increased, so has my tendency to want to read these vapid magazines on the train or during breaks. Robert asks me if I want to play chess and I can't stand the thought of doing anything that is going to require thinking and strategy beyond my study requirements. Is that weird? Maybe that's why I haven't felt like blogging so much lately. It requires me to think about what I am going to write about and if there are interesting articles to link or things going on in the world that I would be compelled to address. I think my brain feels a little overwhelmed. I haven't tried to commit this much new knowledge to memory in a long time. Maybe ever. I've never tried this hard and yet I still feel like I'm not trying hard enough. And I'm not.

I went to my SAT class today. It was a good session. Got our tests scores back from last week. A little disappointing that I'm not where I want to be. I just have to work harder. My math scores went up noticeably from the first couple tests. That was encouraging. But my other scores have stayed pretty stationary. I have less than a month left. Time seems to be ticking by at a startlingly rapid speed. It's kind of symbolic of the feeling that the test itself is like speed test taking. With just 25 minutes for each section, timing is so imperative. A lack of critical knowledge and reasoning is also an issue, but I have to hone my time management skills.

I spoke on the phone with my dad for hours last night. I can always get talking to my parents forever. There's always something more to say. Last night my dad and I talked about everything from my education to my car accident to our cats to destitute souls to politics to books...I love listening to my dad talk. His voice is thoughtful, his words are often wise, often hysterically funny and sometimes meandering through the lucid corridors of his own mind, expressing thoughts in a stream of consciousness while I sit there, rapt, wondering where it all comes from. Sometimes I feel a little dense when I'm talking to my dad. Like I am not sharp enough to catch things or I catch them late. Other times it is like we are perfectly in sync and the communication could not be clearer. He's really, really smart. I'm talking about genius, not just book smart. When we got talking about the budget deficit and natural resource crisis that the United States faces, I had to focus very astutely to get his analogy. But I've always been able to learn from him. And more than that, so inspired by him. No one in my life has influenced me more than my father has. That is the truth. No one has given me more faith in myself than my parents have. His encouragement of my developing pursuit for higher education gives me a huge and much-needed boost of self confidence.

So that's what's going on. I haven't been writing on current events, because I'm engrossed in trashy magazines, studying more occasionally than I should be, and talking on the tele, while saving my opinions for the practice essays I've been writing. But don't worry, there's always more where those came from. ;o)

Posted by Maria at April 9, 2005 02:59 PM | TrackBack