By Beauty Damned

As the Law Office Turns

Back is doing really bad. Lotta pain. Can't stay on the computer for that long. Waaah.

*I don't want to blow anyone's identity, so this entry is evasive in that respect.*

Today was a crazy day filled with office dramas. That seems to be what my life has mainly consisted of lately. More office drama than anyone on god's green earth would want to witness or be party to. Dealing with people is not easy. Not all the time. Not when you practically live with these people. Conflicts have to arise. It's inevitable. But you hope you're never the one who's actually having these conflicts or that when they do arise, they are silent and quick in passing. And then it happens. A snippy exchange, an unwelcome word of advice, the dreaded email, a moment of contention, a hasty phone call that escalates into unkind assumptions...it could be anything. But the reality is that at one time or another, when working closely with people, you are going to get super irritated with someone at one point or another. It's just a question of how you deal with these moments that really counts.

I'm not always the best at dealing with those moments. I have a tendency to say what's on my mind. Honestly, I try to be tactful and say things to people in a way that is not going to have their feathers fluttering or make them feel that an accusation is being made. But sometimes you say a thing to the wrong person and they in turn repeat it to another person and before you know it, you're learning a lesson about saying presumably benign things to the wrong person. And other times you might just say something that makes a person react violently or emotionally without that being the intended purpose.

I know men have this problem all the time in dealing with women. They say something and the woman breaks down crying and the guy is standing there wondering what the hell he did wrong. To the guys out there, I felt your pain today. I made someone cry and it made me feel bad but I really didn't feel that I'd done anything wrong but voice a simple thought that had entered my head and appeared to be important enough to relay. Later on, after my necessary apology, I came to understand that I was not the only contributing factor in my friend/co-worker's emotional "moment" (I'm sorry, I could not come up with a better word, and "episode" doesn't seem fair for public use) and of course, there are other stresses that were building up to the moment where I, apparently, broke the camel's back with my unwanted input.

I was standing up for someone. I always get in trouble when I stand up for people, but I can't help that impulse in myself. I have always been that girl. The person I was standing up for is not a weakling. Not someone who can't stand up for herself, but at that moment I felt that I could make a simple suggestion that would save her from future inconvenience. I made that suggestion to her boss, a young associate who also happens to be a relatively dear friend to me. Her boss: I have known her as long as I've worked at the current firm (2 yrs). I knew her when she got her bar license. I have been a secretary far longer than she's been a lawyer and she's shown me a great deal of love, respect and admiration. She has given me gifts, I have given her gifts, we have shared some of our darkest thoughts and memories and many of those things that are secret from anyone else in the office, with eachother.

My other friend (the one I was voluntarily speaking for): we are both secretaries, our desks are adjacent to one another. We could spend hours and hours together and never run out of things to talk about. I adore her. We both have big dreams and aspirations and vibrant lives outside of work. One of the big differences between she and I is that I have been a secretary for a long time and it has been nothing less than a great career for me personally (though I fully intend to abandon it one day to pursue my more heartfelt endeavors), while she has been pursuing her most heartfelt dreams for years since she graduated from college with an Arts degree. Being a secretary is nothing more than a paycheck for her. For me, it is a vital component in my life's passage. Being enveloped in the world of legal practice is a big part of who I am. Nonetheless, we are very close in age and get along like peas and carrots.

Anyway, I felt compelled to tell my lawyer friend that the way she was delegating work to my secretary/artist friend was not so efficient. I know, I know. It's like, "Maria! Shut your fucking mouth, wouldja?" Well that was the look that my lawyer friend gave me. She also had words for me and I responded with more words, but more tentatively than the first time I'd opened my mouth to speak. She went in to her office and wrote me an email. The email turned into a closed-door office conversation that turned into tears that turned into me going back to my desk and wondering what the hell I did so wrong that this poor girl had broken down crying and asked me to get out of her office. While my secretary/artist friend thanked me for intervening and for my stalwart loyalty, we both realized that the worst was yet to come. Needless to say, a partner got involved, albeit the coolest wiseman imagineable, and with his impeccable guidance, all was eventually resolved.

My apology was accepted and the latter half of the day improved greatly from the first half, for me at least. My secretary/artist friend and I went out for a drink after work to hash it out and analyze the situation and future impact of this petty upset.

Ah, life's small circles. It's the way we run. Now seriously, my back is absolutely killing me. What is going on?

Posted by Maria at March 2, 2005 10:00 PM | TrackBack