By Beauty Damned

Personal History

I've had a lot of difficulty in the couple of days since Jenni and Darcie left, articulating what's going on in my head or digesting much of anything of the "current event" variety.

Having Jenni and Darcie here was amazing. I still haven't gotten over the feeling of incredulousness at the very realization that my friends are the people that they are, that I got so incredibly lucky in my teens to actually meet these people and be blessed with their love and friendship for all these years. I can't get over the fact that they surprised me in such a profound and unbelievable way that I am still reeling from the image of walking into that beautiful restaurant and feeling as if my eyes had been out of focus the entire path to our table and they snapped to attention only to be confronted by one of the most wonderful things that's ever to happen in my lifetime. I can't even pinpoint what went through my mind as I saw those two redheads, familiar freckles and expectant smiles...those two redheads, that seemed almost to be floating in front of me because that's how surreal it was that they were there. I simply couldn't believe it. And I still can't.

So we spent four days together. Galavanting around town, just perfectly happy to be all together in New York, doing fun things.

I need to go back to how lucky I am. That requires telling a little story. When I was fourteen my parents moved me and my two siblings to Oregon from Southern California. Naturally, I was not thrilled to be torn from my friends, boyfriend and highschool, and it took a lot of adjustment before I felt comfortable and happy in a little town called Ashland. I always knew that once I was grown up, I would never be able to stay.

Nevertheless, over the years I made so many friends. Ashland is a great town in a lot of ways. Small enough that you can run around and not worry about violent crime, but big enough that there are a few things to do. Not much, mind you, but a few things. Mainly drinking and partying. Something about boring little towns makes you just want to plop down and have a beer. Or an entire keg party. We had a lot of parties. We were a crazy town full of crazy kids that just wanted to get fucked up every day. We would think of any excuse. We had parties wherever and whenever we could get away with it. Which was basically all the time. Kids in Ashland seem to go about their lives pretty much without any restriction at all. Party at the Caves. Party at the "Whorehouse" on Hwy 99 (not really a whorehouse - more of a haunted house - but you can't control which nickname sticks). Party at Johnny's. Party at that one jock's house. Party at Timberlake Rd. Party at the Chaos house. Party at the East Main house. Party on Beach Street. Party on Clay Street. Party at the Dunlavas (BBQ #52 is coming up soon! Hahaa!). Party. Party. Party. That's all we did. And we had a lot of fun doing it too. (We also had a lot of not-fun moments, as I'm sure you can imagine). There were a lot of people who wanted to party. These weren't small, everyone-sit-around-the-living-room-and-giggle, parties. These were often huge ragers where a great deal of comedy, dancing, drinking and debauchery took place among people ranging in age from fifteen to thirty-five, even several that were a hell of a lot older than that.

All this partying began around the time that I met Darcie and Jenni. Kathleen and I were already friends. We met in a creative writing class in highschool. Us and our other friend Emily. Inseparable. I met Darcie and Jenni around town and I didn't get along with Darcie at first. She was one of those little ringleaders - or so it seemed to me at the time, I know better now. She had her group of friends and they were cool and hung out with all the cool people. She fucked with me a bit at first and I even leaned out a car window and flipped her off when I saw her in a crosswalk one day because she'd said something snide to me at school. But then Kathleen moved into the haunted house on 99 where Darcie and Jenni and a whole bunch of other folks lived. It was a crazy house. Darcie and I made friends over a bottle of Captain Morgan's Spiced Rum and a deck of cards one day around noontime and it's been peaches ever since. What lay ahead was too much and too wild to recount. Almost too much even to store away in memory. When we get together it's so fun to tell stories and remember all the crazy shit that happened and all the hilarious characters that Ashland is a mecca for.

See, Ashland has its little attractions. Most prominently, the incredible scenery, trees, mountains, fresh air and such. They also have a little Shakespeare Festival and a whole lot of artsy fartsy, new agee culture. But there are no phenomenal art museums, no breathtaking libraries, very little mind bending architecture, no sprawling maze of streets filled with restaurants, bars, bookstores, boutiques and any other damn thing you can think of. Right next door, in the town of Medford (also referred to regularly as "Deadford," "Dreadford" and more affectionately, "Meddy") there were a few other things, but that was mostly a real redneck kind of place that most people generally disdained.

I knew that as soon as I was a little older, I was going to find something more exciting and productive to do with my life or at least someplace more exciting. I had several jobs in Ashland, starting when I was about fifteen working in a bed and breakfast. There was a music store, a clothing store, a snowboard company and my dad's law office, before I found something that really worked for me at the age of 19. I worked for my dad's friend, Peter Carini. We got along great, me and Peter, and I helped him run his private criminal/family law practice for more than two years, before getting the wild hair (and the opportunity which was both blessed and cursed) to move to New York at the age of 22. I never felt the strong desire to go back to school or any of that business. I don't know why, I've just always had a rebellious streak that does not mesh well with a structured educational environment/institution.

By the time I got the inkling to move to New York, Darcie had moved to New Orleans and Kathleen had moved to Portland and it was just me and Jenni partying and working our lives away in Ashland. When a job opportunity in NY presented itself, within a month I was bidding goodbye to my family and to Jenni and the other friends that I left behind, and off to the big city to try and make it on my own for real. I had a rough time after the first couple months here, when I was living in New Jersey, so I left my job in Manhattan and drove to New Orleans and stayed with Darcie for a couple months on an extended vacation. It was really fun. But the fun had to end and I decided to come back to NY and try again. Needless to say, it all worked out in the end.

I'm pretty happy with my accomplishments, though it's easy to feel like at 26, I should have more of a plan about how I'm going to get the very most out of my time on this planet. But for the most part, I'm just really proud of the fact that I am a self sufficient human being with a stable sense of self worth. As some may remember, over a year ago, when Kathleen graduated from college, she moved here with her boyfriend Charles. And they're making it too. It has been such a blessing to have her here and so accessible and such a big part of my everyday life again. It had been a long time since we lived in the same town, though we always found plenty of ways to connect and embark on adventures together.

Darcie has visited three times since I moved here and Jenni has been twice. What good friends! Of course, I've been back to Oregon several times too. But this last time that Darcie and Jenni came for my birthday was the greatest gift anyone has ever given me. Now that they are gone, I have that memory. While they were here we went to the San Gennero Feast in Little Italy, attended a taping of "Premium Blend" hosted by Jamie Kennedy, went dancing at the Coral room, sang Kareoke at Tinga Tinga, went to Kat and Chas's party at their new apartment, did lots of shopping, and enjoyed every last minute that we got to spend with one another. Darcie blogged about it too! It was sad when we had to say goodbye. But it's so good to know that they are always there for me. The best friends ever.

So that's it. A complete wrap.

Posted by Maria at September 21, 2004 07:44 PM