By Beauty Damned

Gripe and Beg

My body feels like it is seriously just going to break into pieces. I've written about my lower back problems that started last August and have continued to bother me since then. Then there was the car accident.

It's amazing how when you are in a traumatic accident, your body and mind do not immediately register the damage that has been caused. I am a naturally very resiliant person. I always get up and brush myself off. I think I've been through a lot of crazy shit. And I've always been able to rise above it. If there's one thing I'm proud of in my own personal life, it's that. My drive to do better. To propel myself forward from the bad or difficult or just plain crazy things that have happened in my life. I guess that doesn't make me unique in this world, but it's an important part of my character. Many people possess a resiliance and will to forge ahead and I consider it a definite virtue and crucial to survival on a civilized level.

My point in bringing all this up, is that I am in a lot of physical pain. It's become a part of my everyday life and I'm trying to take the steps that I need to take to relieve the trauma that has been inflicted on my body. I admire people who take hold of their physical pain and/or disabilities and maintain a happy, energetic outlook on life. It astounds me that people can endure such tragedy and physical hardship, and still go on enjoying their lives. It's not easy, when you're hurting, to love life. I'm not saying I don't love my life. I feel so lucky. My biological grandfather was brain damaged in a car accident when my mother was a little girl. He lost everything dear to him. My mother's stepfather lost a leg in a car accident. He wore a prosthetic and was, until the day he died, a wonderful, sweet man. Cars are death machines. They kill people all the time. I was genuinely lucky that my accident left me only with a heavy ache in my neck and back. It could have been much worse.

After the accident, I didn't experience the pain almost at all until the next day. I was so determined to enjoy the rest of the fourth of July, that I couldn't be bothered to dwell on the frightening events that had taken place. It was in the morning when I woke up with images of the accident rushing back, the startling memory of complete terror and crushing impact, smoke and panic and the distinct determination to get through the accident itself. It was the next morning that I saw the bruises, all over my neck and shoulder where the seatbelt was, arms, elbows, hips, knees. Black and blue. My neck was stiff and sore. Hurt to move it to the left or right. The entire right side of my back felt seized up. I went for accupuncture, chiropractic and massage therapy immediately at a really great place in Ashland, Oregon. If you're looking for a good natural healer, that's the place to go. These people did wonders for me. (Unfortunately, I was only on vacation, and that particular clinic is 3,000 miles away.) The accupuncture amazed me. It relieved the pain in a way that chiropractic adjustments never could. I know this is not a great revelation. Many people swear by accupuncture, but this was my first time and the person who did it knew precisely what she was doing, so it turned out to be a very good experience. If only I could find someone like her in NY.

That's my great quest now. To find the best doctor. And I'm not talking about one of these schmucks who wants to cut your back open and tinker with your neck and spine and then sew you back up and pump you full of pharmaceuticals. I avoid pills like the plague, so throughout this whole ordeal I haven't touched any pain medication other than ibuprofin. I just need a good doctor, who understands bones and backs and necks, really well, and prescribes to the methods and techniques of natural/homeopathic healing. The person I'm seeing now is not going to do the job and as soon as I get my MRI results, I'm ready to take them to someone who can help.

If anyone knows a doctor or healer who comes highly recommended in or around NYC, that'd be great. :o)

Posted by Maria at August 17, 2004 12:28 AM