Just haven't had the energy the past few days. Things have been hectic. I have so much to tell, and nothing to say...let's see.
I bought my plane ticket to Oregon today. I am really excited about my vacation back home. I haven't taken any vacation since last September. I have two weeks now and I'll have another two weeks by the end of the year so maybe we can go to Brazil like we've been talking about forever. Rob's grandparents, cousins, aunts and uncles are there. His grandparents aren't getting any younger and it would be nice for me to meet them. Not to mention I've always dreamed of going to Brazil, and having a Brazilian boyfriend is the perfect excuse.
I am really looking forward to Oregon. I want to go camping and swim in rivers and lakes and go up to the top of a mountain or two. Oregon is one of the most beautiful places on earth. It truly is. I've never considered myself much of a country girl, but I do love nature and Oregon has lots of that. I also look forward to seeing all my old friends and catching up on all that's happened in their lives recently.
I was born in Medford, OR and moved to California when I was very little. We moved back to Oregon when I was fourteen. I was not happy about being dragged away from my friends and boyfriend in Santa Monica to go live in some little hippie/yuppie/redneck town in Oregon that was two years behind on what was really going on. I carried on a long distance relationship with my boyfriend in California until I was sixteen and after breaking it off with him, my life in Ashland, OR truly began. Being the extremely social creature that I am, I knew everyone in that damn two horse town (it actually has a population of over twenty thousand, but it's still a damn two horse town). Especially once I lost interest in High School to the point of no return, I had one hell of a social life.
It was hard moving to New York three and a half years ago and starting over. Trying to make new friends. Trying to have a life. Trying to have people to call, things to do. There have been times when I couldn't stand being such a little fish in a big pond. I wanted to give up and go home where I knew I was loved and people would pay attention to me because I was cool (hey, I'm just being honest okay). I preferred being a big fish in a little pond, but that's not a very challenging way to live a life. And eventually, the pond always shrinks down to size. Now I have people and things in New York that I am attached to that would be hard to leave if I ever moved away. Funny how that happens.
But Oregon is still my home. That's where my family is, some of my truest friends are...that's where the nature is at. That's where life is laid back. On the west coast, "where stress is less of a factor." Where people chill. How did I ever get to New York? Where luck & fortune have been the biggest factors, but friends have been fewer and further between... and where chilling is only a scarce opportunity and stressing is a way of life. But everytime I think of moving back to Oregon, I remember three things: the economy, the hippies/yuppies/rednecks and, finally, I couldn't get any kind of food delivered to my house at any time. That last one is the clincher.
I hope you have enjoyed this random blather about things which probably mean very little to you. I guess I did have something to say after all. But I've tired myself out. So I'm off to bed now.
Posted by Maria at May 18, 2004 12:17 AM | TrackBackYes. I did enjoy it. Nothing 'blathery' about it M. You speak of love of home and place. It's an amazing sentiment. I have the same feeling for certain locales on old Cape Cod and in and around Blue Hill, Maine (Sedgwick to be exact).
I wish you a wonderful homecoming and that it exceeds your fondest expectations! Half the joy is from this point on in the anticipation factor since you've got the tickets. Come back renewed and refreshed.
Ah perspective. It's a wonderful thing, no?
Safe trip.
Posted by: Richard at May 18, 2004 09:49 AMThank you Richard! I knew you would be able to relate. You and I are both nostalgic people. It's good to have company. ;o)
I will miss you while you are in Italy! And I'll be thinking of you enviously, picturing you in the half shade, half golden sunlight on a quaint terrace enjoying all the peace and serenity of twilight and the fine, yet simple luxuries of a pleasure escape. It plays like a movie in my head. Have fun! Don't eat too much pizza and drink too much wine! Oh, nevermind. Eat & drink some for me too. Yum.
LOVE YOU. MWAH.
Posted by: Maria at May 18, 2004 10:11 AMI understand about missing home so much but yet not wanting to actually live there anymore. Sometimes my eyes tear up so bad when I think of Georgia but....I ran out of that place at 18 and never looked back so to speak...it's good that we all obviously had great memories to take with us and a place in this world that we'll always consider HOME.
Richard..enjoy yourself so much in Italy...if you ever pop over into Landstuhl...go to the town square and holler'....I'll hear ya. :)
Posted by: sandy at May 18, 2004 05:34 PMI spent quite a bit of time in Oregon fighting wild fires during the summers of my college years. It's beautiful country.
I also had a house in Stonington.
Posted by: Geoffrey at May 19, 2004 11:26 AMOnce I tried to remember my childhood, but it turns out it was just a dream. When I awoke I found I had two good arms, two strong legs, and a lot of walking to do. The shadows were long and dark on the east coast, for me at least. Not that it was bad, it was just...regular. Like life still is now. Real regular. I make plenty of lists, drink eight eight ounce glasses of water daily, do my stretching routine every morning (stretching the body only--when it's the mind that really needs to be stretched, massaged and manipulated). My great joy these days is scratching something off a list. Oh, yes, you might think I'm a tad eccentric if you knew about all the different lists, but it seems to work most of the time, until I crash against the blind wall of boredom. The sun will rise tomorrow. The music will always be another variant of yesterday's music. The words all piled up--but no match to light them all on fire and watch the fascinated twinkle in the eyes of the children. And then I realize, that's the nub of the thing--children's eyes sparkle. Ours grow dull. The diamond has been extracted, slowly over the years, chip by precious chip, while we slept and while we were awake, while we lived our anonymous lives crushing through the crowd of thoughts that surrounded us in our loneliness. We need to shine the iris every once in a while, take a ridiculous chance, hold our hand out and touch the flesh of the stranger, embrace the chilling. When was the last time you received a hand written letter, my family, oh my family? Sing the praise of the personal, yet we are all attracted to the electronic mothily mouthing off fractured sentiments in Times Roman twelve point type that fails to convey any nuance of humanity. Dig it, baby...
Posted by: Thomas at May 20, 2004 06:16 PMI fully dig it Thomas. Poetic words from one of the most poetic people I know.
Posted by: Maria at May 20, 2004 09:49 PM