So if you weren't disturbed enough by the random firing off in the previous entry, let me tell you about the warped dream I had last night about a turkey...or maybe I shouldn't...cover your eyes kids.
Well first part of the dream is real fuzzy because I think someone died in my house. Perhaps they killed themself, perhaps I killed them. I don't know. I have a lot of gory dreams. But I am certain that I felt responsible for their death, either way. There was a big knife involved. It was bloody. A bloody mess. And I had company on the way over. In order to make the dead body more manageable, I conveniently transformed it into a turkey. (Ah to possess the power of a god in one's dreams). A big, bloody turkey. Gross. I tried to rinse it off in the bathtub, but it was just getting more blood all over. So I put it in a big plastic bag and stuck it in the toilet while I tried to clean up the blood from all over the bathroom. I kept thinking about the police, and how I had to make sure there was no blood or DNA anywhere. I scrubbed and scrubbed. Blood seeped down the sides of the toilet. The dead bloody turkey refused to be contained. I looked at it again. It was gruesome. Covered in guts and gore.
My guests arrived. I tried to keep them entertained in another room until I had to go back and attend to the bloody mess. I tried to keep them distracted, but they eventually came into the bathroom to inquire about what I was doing. I'd gotten most of the blood cleaned up and they didn't seem to suspect a thing, but the turkey was still in the toilet. I sat on the toilet seat, though it bulged slightly. This made my visitors kind of curious. They asked what was in the toilet. I was super blasé about it. Oh that? It's just a turkey. I nearly showed them the turkey, but then remembered the blood and guts and realized that it would seem very suspicious to have a gory turkey in my toilet. A large dead bird in the loo is one thing, but one that looks like it has been viciously murdered? That's a hard one to brush under the carpet. After awhile of us sitting there -- me on the toilet seat concealing the incriminating turkey and my guests chatting casually -- seeming only slightly curious about the poultry I was making such an effort to hide, I hopped up, opened the lid, grabbed the plastic bag and swooped it from the toilet and out of the bathroom in one quick motion, and headed to the door to get it out of the house and into a dumpster once and for all. My guests seemed to think I was a little strange, but it certainly wasn't enough to make them set down their drinks and desert the intended soirée.
Then I woke up. Don't tell anyone okay. I know this is a sign of a highly disturbed mind.
Posted by Maria at May 12, 2004 11:13 AM | TrackBackNobody liked my sick turkey story. Boooo. I thought it was hilarious! Apparently not though...hahaa.
Posted by: Maria at May 13, 2004 10:07 AMRemember when you said if I was ever in New York I should look you up? Well I will, I swear but honey we are so going out to eat..hahaha...
Posted by: sandy at May 13, 2004 10:08 AMHey man! I'm a good cook! I don't know if I ever want to make another turkey though. Even my foul-proof martha stewart recipe couldn't save me from that nightmare! Hahaa.
Posted by: Maria at May 13, 2004 11:12 AMHahaha..I bet you are a good cook, just making a funny...now turkey..I hate turkey, can't stand the smell of one roasting...but if I ever get to New York I want a slice of pizza first and don't laugh but I love hot dogs..I always wanted to go to NY and get me one from the street vendors..oh crap I'm hungry now :)
Posted by: sandy at May 13, 2004 11:42 AMFunny. I love turkey, but it has to be done right. You're not the only one though. I know a lot of people who don't like Turkey. So what do you make for Thanksgiving?
I wouldn't laugh about hotdogs. I take hotdogs very seriously.;o) They are the best. Nothing like a good hotdog. And quite frankly, the pizza is one of the things I would miss most if I ever moved.
Posted by: Maria at May 13, 2004 11:53 AMThanksgiving..well..we don't really celebrate that day..a couple of years ago Ailey got real upset about that holiday..she said we shouldn't celebrate settlers coming to this land and killing Indians..now I tried to explain to her that it was also a celbration of the "crops" you know but...she wanted no part of it..so we usually go to the movies or something..last year I made lasagna.
Posted by: sandy at May 13, 2004 02:30 PMAw that is really sweet. I agree with Ailey on principle. I don't even make the connection to celebrating anything having to do with Pilgrims and Indians or any of that hooha. To me it's just always been a day to get together with family and go all out with cooking and eating and drinking. Just a good excuse to invite a bunch of people over and have a party. And an excuse to take a trip to the liquor store and go hogwild buying things like Port and sweet white wines that I never buy otherwise. But good on Ailey for taking a stand. Totally cool. You may have a little liberal on your hands! ;o)
Posted by: Maria at May 13, 2004 02:47 PMMay have!!! I'm 100% positive right now that I already do..haha..it's cool though, as long as she believes in her feelings than I'll stand by her. :)
Posted by: sandy at May 13, 2004 03:52 PMI liked your story but I was too afraid to respond :)
Posted by: cul at May 13, 2004 08:20 PMSandy, you are a good mom. My mom would freak out if I ever became a republican! Ha. Right after 9/11 I was so distraught and traumatized and she started talking politics with me and I cried because I couldn't handle it. Her point of view was too intense for me at that moment (like mother like daughter). But we are generally on the same page when it comes to politics.
Cul, you weren't the only one! Hahah. Some of my friends read it and were like "whoa dude. You are tripped the fuck out. I don't even know what to say about all that." I've been having crazy dreams lately, but that one was beyond weird. I had to share it.
Posted by: Maria at May 13, 2004 09:37 PM