"As a matter of principle, I never attend the first annual anything.
Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.
Honesty may be the best policy, but it's important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.
I think it's the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately.
I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death.
I'm not concerned about all hell breaking loose, but that a PART of hell will break loose... it'll be much harder to detect.
Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations. When you have to wait a year to sleep next to a tree, something is wrong.
There's no present. There's only the immediate future and the recent past.
Weather forecast for tonight: dark.
Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight? They never mention that part to us, do they?
Why do croutons come in airtight packages? It's just stale bread to begin with.
"I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence?
Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.
Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?
The IQ and the life expectancy of the average American recently passed each other going in opposite directions."
-George Carlin
Posted by Maria at October 1, 2003 08:29 PM | TrackBackmakes me think of a gallaher show i once saw..it was something like people say dumb things
You ever lose your wallet and someone says, "Yeah where?"
A package of chips say you could be a winner, no purchase necessary, "Details inside"...
Funny stuff, but I'm sitting here giggling over the croutons, never thought of it but yeah what is up with that?
I remember watching Carlin on some HBO for the first time, I was pretty young but almost wet myself laughing. He is one of those gifted comedians that seems so at ease on a stage, it just looks effortless. He has made stand up a true art form and I only really think that about Carlin, Richard Pryor and rest his soul Redd Foxx. (I do have a horrible thing for the Smothers Brothers also) I'm glad there are funny people out there to make us smile and forget our woes at times, it's good to laugh.
I adore George Carlin. I need to see this man live. He's right about so much that he says and he's got the "fuck it all" attitude.
Ooh! That reminds me of his last stand-up set! Something about how we have pills for everything, so why not take one for everything: FuckItAll! :)
Posted by: Daria at October 3, 2003 07:04 AMsaw an interview w/carlin in a magazine couple years ago...his Welcome mat at front door says "GO AWAY"...you know these great comedians are plagued w/harship and pain, his saga is nothing less than a Tennessee Ford play, but I applaud and respect someone who can pull themselves out of the rubble to laugh and make a life!!!! George Carlin Rulz!!! Good for him..
Posted by: sandy at October 4, 2003 12:23 AMTennesse Williams, not Ford,....I did say I was drunk right?....oh gawd,..do i have egg on my face or what????
Posted by: sandy at October 4, 2003 12:25 AM