I have been watcing too much tv the last couple days. I worked from 9:30 to 9:00 today and when I got home I flopped right down and started walking trash tv. E! I always watch E! Tonight that show about the competitive life of Las Vegas showgirls is on. I honestly don't know why anyone would go into that business. Even the skinniest girls being told they're fat, always being afraid that you're going to lose your spot in the show. I used to want to be a model. When I was thirteen years old I went to a Ratt/L.A. Guns concert in Irvine Meadows outside of Los Angeles in Orange County. When I was coming out and getting into a limousine (one of three times in my life that I've ever ridden in one) this guy came up to me and handed me a business card. It said "L.A. Talent" on it. Even though my mother was furious at me for going to the concert, when I presented her and my father with the card, they agreed to find out what was up with this "L.A. Talent." I really wanted it and so my mom and I went out and bought clothes and makeup and the "L.A. Talent" scout set me up with a photographer to take some pictures for my portfolio, my parents just had to pay for the film. So we took like four rolls of film in and around Venice Beach. We were instructed to come to an office building in Westwood to view the pictures, choose the ones I wanted for my portfolio and find out what to do next.
The office building was really nice, a big beautiful highrise. When we got to Mr. L.A. Talent's office it seemed curiously empty. We looked over the photos and chose the ones we wanted for my portfolio. Mr. L.A. Talent told us he would send them to the printer and set up my portfolio, but he needed to be paid some ridiculous amount of money. My parents discussed it and then asked me if this was something I really wanted: to pursue modeling. I said yes, if they were okay with spending the money, this was something I really wanted to do. So they agreed. They wrote the check. We got in the car and on the way home I could feel the level of discomfort rising in the front seat between my parents like a curious mist. They began to discuss the empty office, they began to question things they hadn't thought of before...the began to panic. They turned around and drove back to the office. L.A. Talent was already gone. We never saw the money or the pictures. It's the kind of thing you see on Fox 5 Problem Solvers, except that no one ever helped us get our money back.
The next time I made a serious effort to pursue modeling was when I was 20. I got picked at one of those open calls and spent the money to travel to Seattle to the big modeling convention. I went through all the motions, walked down the runway and got called back by three good agencies, one of them Elite, but right before I went on my interviews with them, I lost all my steam. I suddenly didn't care, I didn't want to be a model anymore. I didn't want to be looked at for my appearance and that's it. I didn't want to be one of the many girls there who felt like the only thing they had was their looks and if they weren't going to put those to use, then what on earth would they do? When you get old and ugly it's a disappointment for everybody, not just yourself. That sucks. So when I got to my interviews I just said hello and goodbye. And I ran my ass out of there and back to the hotel with my best friend and we ordered a massive amount of Chinese food and I forgot all about being a model forever and ever. A guy at my office asked me if I've ever done modeling just recently. I always say the same exact thing "I'd like to be recognized for what's inside." I know that sounds so cheesy, but it's true. I just don't understand why anyone would want to put themselves in that position where their physical self is under constant scrutiny. To each their own. I don't look down on people who do sell their physical attributes, but I just don't think it's something I could ever feel comfortable with. Especially competing with other girls to be the prettiest. Yuck.
Posted by Maria at July 28, 2003 10:21 PM | TrackBack